Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Generic Asshole plays gta

Ima just post rants here about playing gta, specifically gta 3 because its been forever since I have played it.
Also I have the real gta 3 mod where all cars are listed as a real car (mercedes benz for example) and the graphics look a little sharper. Everything is no longer a parody or reference, its all mcdonalds or pepsi ect ect ect. I fucking love it.

On a side note, who ever thought up naked lesbian wrestling needs a nobel prize.

So yeah, Ima write GTA 3 stuff from the perspective of claude.

So Ima robbin this bank, this this chesty brunette with a low cut shirt fucking shoots me
Seriously what the fuck, I just covered their asses with a god damned shotgun and this is how I am repaid. This is bullshit, Im arrested, in a hospital and going to prison when suddenly the door opens. I kick a fucker and escape next to a black guy with no fucking hands.


My fuck, we find a the least wrecked car on the bridge and drive away, this guy says he knows a spot where we can hide. The radio says the cops do not know who was on board the transport exactly, and think that we are all dead.

So, I am dead. Fucking great. Perhaps this is a good thing though, I want to find that bitch and repay the favour. This guy says we should go to a strip club, talk to some Luigi guy about work.

Hell, its not like I have anything better to do, but my fuck does he talk alot. I cannot get a word in edge wise around this guy.

At the strip club I am greeted by a yelling italian, I need to get one of his girls, Misty. He also says 8 ball has business upstairs. Well atleast now I know his fucking name, lucky bastard is getting his dick wet.

Well I have a new car, and nothing to do. Why the fuck not pick up a striper? How hard can this be. Misty is a gorgeous redhead, but dumb as a fucking post, still I guess you need that level of stupidity, naieveity and physical attractiveness to survive in that industry. I like her, she does not talk to much.

Not that I had any desire to talk to her, but it was nice to not have people talk for me, or yell orders at me or just not shut the fuck up.

Luigi came out yelling again about some new drug...smack or some shit like that. He wants me to take this crowbar and beat the living fuck out of the dealers.

I drove over to where he was at and I

Ran his ass over with my car. Fuck that crowbar noise, too much time and effort. Luigi also told me to take his car, its a nice little sport car convertable. I get it painted up and put in his garage nice and neat and pick up another paycheque.

God if this is all I have to do for a while I will take it

I decide to call it a night/day. The sun is rising at this point and I havent slept in a while, 8 ball isnt back yet either. My fuck he must still be going at the strip club.

I wake up and decide to go to the strip club, perhaps see some naked women...its around lunch time so Im hoping it is quiet so I can enjoy some breasts and a brew.

No sooner that I get in there Luigi is asking me to pick up misty...again.
And drive her. Again.

I didnt even get the chance to protest. Fucking hell, I get into the car and pick up misty and take her to a garage. Some Joey guy.

He seems like a nice guy, not a criminal. Why he is hiring hookers and wants to hire me is beyond me. He tells me to come back later, I guess I will let him get his dick wet because it seems everyone in this fucking town can get laid except for me.

I hear a phone ringing nearby. I pick it up and its some Marty guy, wants me to get his banker. I pick up his banker and he says one thing to me "Lets pay the man a visit shall we?"

I like this guy, he knows when to shut up.

So Marty fucking killed him and wants me to get rid of the evidence, Marty is a bit of an asshole. This guy was quiet, I like quiet. Atleast I dont have to use my car and the new daft punk song was playing.

So I sat back and watch as martys Volkswagen was crushed and realized that I am way the fuck away from my new living arrangements. I dont want to walk, fuck that shit.

But I did see a shiny new Lamborghini at a car dealership nearby. Yoink, mine now.
Now where to go..Luigi or Joey. Ill go to the strip club, 8 ball must be done by now he has been there a day.

Luigi came out and yelled at me again...some pimp is piming his girl on luigits location. I guess I need to take him out. At least he was kind enough to give me a fucking gun.

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