Saturday, June 29, 2013

I should have stayed in Quebec

I should really write down the rules of the bro code.
Basically if you call someone a bro, bromance or invoke the bro code here are the rules one should follow.

I suppose this will be useful for women.
As a bro, I pledge

 to be your wingman to distract the bitchy or ugly females which may otherwise get in the way of a female you wish to talk to, fuck, marry, kill, date

to call the ex girlfriend of your recent relationship a cunt and be supportive

to not fuck, marry, kill or date an ex girlfriend without your prior consent

to give you a drive if you need one

to never let you drink alone

to bail you out of sticky situations

to take you to the hospital (however be able to call you a dumb-ass if you were foolish)

to watch your ass in the event of a fire fight, dogfight, auto combat, zombie apocalypse or world war

to kill you in the event you turn into a zombie, werewolf, vampire, possesed undead mother fucker. Without hesitation


and I will add more to that list as I think of them

Now, with regards to women...

How about I call these the rules of engagement because love is a battlefield or some shit like that
Honestly, I just like the metaphors.

Rule 0 - Know what you like
First, before everything else, you should know what you like in women

Rule 1 - Know what you are looking for
First you should know what you want this woman for (one night stand, booty call, girlfriend, mate, friend)

Rule 2 - Location
Certain types of women frequent certain places. A bar/party is usually a bad place to meet a mate or girlfriend

Rule 3 -Location, Location, Location
Choose venture to take the girl out that make sense and she will enjoy

Rule 4 - Everyone gets shot down once in a while
You will not always be successful, you will fail often, that does not mean you have my permission to stop trying

Rule 5 - Dont be boring or predictable
This will kill everything you have done faster than cheating on her

Rule 6 - Only one engagement at a time
This rule is flexible, however even in the event of a booty call or fuck buddy the girl likes to think that she is the only one.

Rule 7 - Expect double standards
and expect them to work against you. This is what feminist call 'equality' just work with it for now, eventually the girl will become more balanced and less bitchy

Rule 8 - Avoid Clingers
Clingers no matter what kind of relationship you go for always want to be your last. This could complicate things if they are not

Rule 9 - Avoid Virgins
Virgins can go one of a few ways, none of which are good for you. They could go complete slut which basically turns them into a booty call or they could want to be your last (see rule 8)




Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Hell on wheels

Warning: Major spoilers are ahead potentially. I fucking love hell on wheels, best damn show I have seen in a while Mind you Im told breaking bad is also awesome, but I havent got into that Im also balls deep in dexter. But this is about hell on wheels, Ill try to keep the spoilers to a minimum and I will give some warning Hell on wheels is about the construction of the union pacific railroad. Bullshit, the railroad is just the setting, its the wild west, gunslingers, desperados, indians, horses all that good shit. I was a little iffy about the show at first, I am not much of a western guy, but the first episode was awesome. Its very well written and can quickly establish characters and kill them off in the same episode if need be. It has a similiar attitude that game of thrones has with regards to killing off characters. What really got me into the show was the intelligence of the characters. In many other shows and movies you have stupid characters to create conflict and plot. (ie walking dead where all the women seem to be cunts and useless and the children dont fucking listen) Or characters that you just hate once again back to walking dead, another series that im told is good but it has just inspired rage in me when I see the women be useless or the children not listen always ending up in the main characters nearly getting killed by the undead. Fuck have they not learned yet (Im told though that the cunts are being killed off and the children are becoming badasses so I may give this new season a shot) Hell on wheels isnt like that, every character has a backstory, kinda sorta revealed as time goes on through conversations with others or flashbacks. It is a group of people who would never work together but they have a common goal, and proper motivation. The characters are intelligent, I have never seen an episode or conflict and though Thats not how it would have happened, or why dont you just fucking say it or how could you be so stupid or oblivious to something obvious. Smart characters need tougher conflict, and you want to keep watching because you want to know how they are going to get themselves out of this mess, and they usually do so in an elegant fashion, intelligent and badass. Characters also change good guys become bad guys (I have not seen the opposite of this yet) but one thing remains constant: The honour of the main character Cullen Bohannen. Here begins the spoliers Cullen Bohannen is an ex confederate soldier. Think of him like a jedi general in any of the star wars conflicts. He ran a tabocco farm, freed his slaves a year before the war and went to war because of his honour, he must defend his homeland even if he thinks that they are wrong. He is smart, good with explosives (small amount of black powder = bridge gone) His wife was the daughter of the man who owned the railroad in his home town, interesting connection because that guy was BFF with the man antagonist (Thomas Durant) kinda explains how Bohannen knows so much about railroads. It sounds like his is well educated though I dont think this has been confirmed. His wife and son were killed by a group of union soldiers, and he seeks out these men and kills them. He is an excellent shot, calm under fire and a leader. All possibly thanks to the civil war, or perhaps not we dont know, but it doesnt matter. He is on a quest of revenger, but honours his word to a fault. Elam Fergusen Bohannens right hand basically, black man...well half white, he was born of a slave and the slaves master. He was taught to read and when freed has a huge chip on his shoulder, my friend loves him. I dont like him nearly as much as he does but Elam goes through the most changes out of any character. He starts off as a ex slave with a chip on his shoulder, no respect. Bohannen takes him under his wing, they save each others lives and hold off an attack by dozens of cheyenne. His first gunfight before this did not go as smooth (he only hit once while bohannen killed the other 5 men before he could get his first shot off) and he didnt even kill the fucker. No matter after this he became what Bohannen was basically, a gun for hire keeping order and peace on the railroad, he became more awesome but then his ego grew. He stopped haning out with his friends and family and got hammered all the time and killed when he was told to. After realizing that he was trying to be white and was rejected by many of the white men he returned to his friends and family, still a badass, less of a drunk and a better overall man. Thomas Durant The badguy...basically, he owns the railroad and did not come from money. He is smart, tough, isnt afraid to get his hands dirty, but if that can be avoided he avoids it. He is a doctor, made his fortune then created companies. He is obsessed with making money (his wife is even more evil and ambitious...how that was possible I dont know) He had a son who died during childbirth resulting is the less than optiminal relationship with his wife. Eventually when he is caught stealing money he is arrested, but he has gotten out of similar binds, I hope to see him in season 3, but I doubt it since Bohannen has been promoted to his job. Bohannen went from walking boss to foreman/mercenary to train robber to security chief/mercenary to boss of the railroad construction, he has reported to Durant the owner of the railroad and at the end of the second season it looks like he only reports to the board.

The best love story ever

This really needs to be written down, because honestly it may be the best love story since Romeo and Juliet. Let me set the tone.
University, 2007, a party house (the eventual house of the year but that is beside the point)
Done, now our hero; Ares; an upperclassmen, a survivor of first year, tall and lanky, glasses, blue eyes and a fucking awesomely chiselled chin, dark hair longer than short but shorter than long. Got it? Good.
Now our heroine; Erinyes; a first year, tall (but not as tall), slim, long dark hair, sometimes curly sometimes not, flirtatious (seriously, this girl is a cocktease, everything she does can be suggestive) probably because she was a fine arts students (please do not ask how I know this). Got it? Good.

It probably all started during the frosh party. I do not remember the night at all. Maybe I wasn’t even there. But it probably started with a look. He was scoping out the room looking for an attractive frosh with low self esteem. You see when you are looking for a hook up, the trick is to find the sweet spot where the graph of attractiveness intersects the graph of self esteem, ideally minimum self esteem with maximum attractiveness. Logically you start with the less attractive females or females who are not as voluptuous. Knowing this Ares saw a slim brunette, sitting next to a much curvier dirty-blond female (which would eventually be regarded by men and women alike as the most attractive woman in the house that year) and Ares liked what he saw but backed off when Erinyes noticed him checking him out.
This is where I wish we could read minds, because as much as Ares may have liked Erinyes. I believe Erinyes was more attracted to Ares.

We had a spark, however it did not catch flame this night or any night for a long, long time. Ares had given up chasing Erinyes almost immediately. This was because of her flirtatious mannerisms. Seriously, I have never met anyone quite like her and her somewhat regular one night stands with a man on a higher floor with more muscles and epic facial hair. Ares thought that he did not have a chance.

Turns out Erinyes was hooking up with this individual because she felt that Ares did not want to chase her.

Fucking hell people, just talk to each other.

It was not until at least two months later when one would make the first move.
To most people two months is not a long time, in two months people I did not know before became some of my closest friends and I could not imagine a day where I wasn’t drinking or pretending to study with them.

Ares was in luck, a beautiful woman and him had just decided to start dating.
Unfortunately this woman was not Erinyes. Literally, just hours this happened Erinyes had worked up the courage that she had been saving up for at least 8 weeks and asked Ares on a date.
And she was shot down like a nazi over Brittan in the ‘40s.
Ares had know that his good friend, the doctor, was quite interested in Erinyes (perhaps this influenced his decision to date the other girl. I have no fucking idea) So he set those two up.
And that relationship went about as well as the defence of pearl harbour.

And so it came to be that these two played this game of conveniently not being single when the other one was and before you knew it, the year was up. Summer happened. Then life happened, our house, our family was no longer living together.

That being said, we are still a pretty close group now (this is because of the lack of house-cest)
What of Ares and Erinyes?

It seems that Erinyes has had a string of moderately unsuccessful relationships with men and women.
Ares is in a stable, long term relationship with a woman he loves.

The real tragedy here, It is not Erinyes, It is the fact that the world will never know what these two could have been.

Would have they been perfect for each other. I think so, and made each other happy. I think so.
Happier or more perfect than what Ares has now or what Erinyes may have in the future. I don’t know.
I hope that neither of them has regrets of what they have decided but I know from experience that sparks never fade. When you look at someone that you had a spark or a one night stand with there will always be a part of you wondering what life would be like with that person.





Claude's Chronicles 6

I need to kill Sal? Fine. Boom boom boom.
I just chased his ass with a car and shot at him. A lot. Then when my car blew up I decided to show a rocket up his ass. Fuck you for trying to kill me because your fucking wife makes shit up.

I swear to fuck she had better give me the best head or I will shot her.

These 2 girls a fucking dykes? Excellent?  Seems a 3 way is in store for me. Seriously this asian chick that has a thing for maria seems to be coming on to me. Maria you may be replaced because it seems SHE WILL ACTUALLY RIDE MY COCK. Fuck her name, it starts with a...akira maybe? I dont know. However she has referred to me as Marie's territory. I could get used to that.

Well I got another page. Seriously, I dont know why I have a pager I dont even know the number to it, so how the fuck can I give it out. I literally just felt something vibrate in my pants and it was there and random ased people have been sending me pages.

8 ball, that son of a bitch, these were his pants and its his pager.

Wait, the car was a trap...a bomb probably. Did 8 ball try to kill me? Fuck Sal turned the guy who saved my ass on me. Im glad he is done, in fucking fact I want to end all of the mafia.

Anyway, new page and an new street race. One was in a lambo...he was kinda challenging the other 2 were in a chev truck and a hummer, my fuck A challenging drive would be nice. I won the race so the voice has some more work for me, may as well check it out. I will talk to the dykes later.

2 guys are riding with me...to see if I am capable? Riiiiiiiiiiight. This is going to be fun. Kill some diablos, I do driving and shooting. Well atleast they were kind enough to give me an uzi.

Jack some cars? Easy enough...

Yeah it was, akira practically gives me a triaid supra, the other two were easy to find and I just love me an excuse to go over to port land and run over those assholes in the suits.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Resurrection of Claude 5

Another day, another note. Fucking hell.

Atleast he was kind enough to give me some wingmen with uzis..and and uzi for me? Toni you shouldn't have. I need to kill some soldiers and leaders of the triads...with these guys? Fuck that shit. I got into an audi and ran their asses over, then one guy was in a blocked off area. I just punched the shit out of him while...my audi blew up, fuck this town. I stole a mini and jumped it over the wall to their fish factory and ran over every fucking triad I found.

Then got paid handsomely for it, fucking awesome way to start the day.

Rain mackerel? Sounds good. I need to rig a garbage truck with a bomb, park it in the fish factory and blow it sky high. Easy enough, problem is it is on a timer and twitchy as hell. So drive fast and smooth and dont hit anything. Easier said than done in this fucking town.

And it fucking worked! It rained mackerel, it was great. I took some of that shit home and fried it up, it was delicious.

Im done with Toni now...guess Sal needs me to do some things. Let us see what he needs.
Follow Bob...he is talking then I have to kill him. I will follow him in a mafia car to be subtle.

I cant believe that seriously work, I whacked the guy by just running his ass over. Fuck that noise

We need to use one head? my head? This guy wants me to fight his fucking war for him? Good to see my old friend 8 ball. That fucker doesnt even know his name.

100000 dollars? fucking hell, how the hell does this handless man make bombs...and a sniper rilfle? I fucking hate sniper rifles...

Well that was easy, and kinda fun. Now Im not sure what to do, Ive stopped the war with the triaids and I just sank a colombian ship with smack

Well shit

What am I supposed to do, really what? My boss looks like he runs this town, oh well Im bored with the mafia for now. I hear the garage needs me to steal cars for them. Maybe I will become a taxt driver

So that marty guy has another mission for me, pick up some thieves that he hired so he could get some insurance money...and they said nothing in the car. Then they fucking got killed by this guy. My fuck everyone in this town is an asshole, why did he have to kill the people who knew to shut their traps. Sounds like he has another mission for me.

He wants me to pick up his wife...great I wonder what for. He has a Vanguish now, its a nice car.

God his wife is a dumb cunt, and wouldnt shut up. I hope he kills her. He fucking killed her, schweet.

Wait, what he wants me to dump the vehicle into the sea? THIS IS A FUCKING ASTON MARTIN

Fucking nob, oh well. Perhaps he has money problems because he keeps destroying his cars in order to kill people. I cant swim so I dont want to drive it into the sea, so I inconspicuously pushed it into the water off the end of the wharf, thats not suspicious, right?

Fucking hell, his wife was cheating on him with a guy who wants to kill marty now. I need to pick him up...guess I know how this is going to go.

The fuck, why is marty outside? MY GOD THIS GUY JUST FUCKING SHOT MARTY

Im going back to the italians, they are less crazy. Fucking hell, I need to dispose of yet another corpse and car. Fuck this city, Im going back to san andreas.

Maria fucking paged me, seriously how do people get this number? Anyway the car is a trap...fucking hell whats going on here.

What? Salvatore was selling me to the cartel to end this war? Sal thinks me and Maria were fucking behind his back...BECAUSE MARIA FUCKING SAID THIS TO HIM WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN

God damn it learn to shut your hole.

She probabily said it to try and convince Sal to not get me killed, she actually gives a fuck about my life. Im not sure if anyone has before. Fuck the mafia, im in a boat and we are getting out of here.

Well I am in liberty city proper now. Is this girl asian? like triaif? WHAT THE FUCK.
Oh well, she has been kind enough to give me a place to lay low, may as well check it out.

A nice big garage, a nice new toyota supra in triad colours. I think I like this woman. Fuck today, Im calling it a night.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Part 4

I am a getaway driver for a bank robbery...fantastic.
This went so well last time, atleast I can fuck them over if need be and not be fucked over
Well that was actually alot of fun. Got chased through ally's and lost the cops, go my car sprayed and new engine and we are home free. Joey has nothing new for me, I guess I will go see Toni.

He wants me to blow up vans...I have a lovely flame thrower kicking around that has not been used in a little while hehehe

I may have went a little crazy with the flame thrower...I really should have thought that threw, it was hard to find a vehicle after.

I need to pick up the cash...I scared them so...good? Anyway that fuck left me a letter and you know what? He is still yelling orders at me. My fuck I can never get a word in with these people, working with them may be a little irritating now

Well it was a fucking ambush, and that fucker sends me another letter, atleast he wasnt yelling at me. My fuck I want to talk sometimes and everyone else to shut the fuck up. Anyway go see joey, pick up the limo pick up luigi, pick up toni. Joey is the black sheep of the family, spells his name with a y. Fucking italians.

Must say Joey cleans up good, this isnt a fucking limo. Thank god, its a BMW 760. All these mafia guys in one car, it would suck if we got chased and I had to maneveur one of those ugly stretch things around this fucking city. And now the rain starts, great this would suck if we get chased.

We got fucking chased by fish trucks. They did not stand a chance against my skill, and you know what? these italian guys kept their mouths shut while shit was exploding around us and we were being shot at. They trusted me, that is fucking awesome. Im not sure if anyone has ever trusted me like that before, and they seem to know when to be quiet. I change my mind, I like these guys. I want to just work for them until I die.

Well Salvadore is the guy in charge, sounds like he has some use for me and seeing as nobody else needs a transporter and I like working for these guys lets see what they have.

I need to look after his girlfriend Maria...and she looks like a redhead. Well atleast he told her to shut up and it seems that these 2 do not get along. My fuck she talks to me like a cunt...and doesnt shut up

and she was totally undressing me with her eyes. This is not good.

She wants to score some drugs, Im guessing that she uses sal for money and he uses her for pussy. She is just a prostitute with clothing on. She is a little chatty and my name is fucking claude. IF PEOPLE WOULD SHUT UP AND MET ME SAY SOMETHING THEY WOULD KNOW THIS. I am not fido, kid, bro or whatever the fuck you guys call me. Claude. Fuck.

Now I need to wait outside while she goes in and dance? My fuck I had better get paid well for this. This is boring as tits, I would kill for a cop chase right about now...

Fuck my life.

Well that was a hell of a case, the swat raided the dance and they were shooting people and fighting. Maria was useful in a fight, she punched out 2 guys on her way to the car, then a nice short chase followed.

Im getting used to being chaed in the BMW, Im going to miss it. The boss wants his car back, pity. I have a feeling that Toni needs me for more work and Sal does as well. Fuck that noise, Im going to sleep. Maria touched my hand after I got her home, Im getting the vibe she wants to fuck me. God damnit.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Claude's Chronicle 3

Well I could not get into the dog food factory and the message directed me to a payphone outside mistys appartment. A vocie on the other end of the line told me to get a fast car and race...you know what, I think that dealership may have restocked their lamborguni...

Well that race was easy, went on all night and we finished...well I finished at the crack of dawn. These guys were not even close to me, how boring. Not at all like that race I had with that black guy back west in San Andreas...anyway Im feeling tired now, I think I will call it a night. I have a feeling that payphone will have more work for me and that marty guy may be at his factory.

Once again no marty, that guy works fucked up hours. I thought about heading over to Joey's but I went back to the payphone, maybe I will catch a glimpse of misty getting naked in her apartment and typically I dont need to deal with people talking there. He had me put a bomb in an ice cream machine to kill some mobsters that wanted to cut off his cock, I did take an ice cream sandwich from the truck before I blew it up.

It rained vanilla and blood, kinda neat. I recieved another page...seriously how the fuck do people get this number. Actually, why and how the fuck do I have a pager?

Anyway, the voice is telling me to kill things with fire. I think I like Shit a little collateral damage, but no hookers. Thank god, atleast those women shut the fuck up when you tell them to.

Jesus fucking christ, he had me follow porn he made with a donky...from a guy who stole that shit. What the fuck is wrong with this town? I have not received any pages about jobs from that guy however I did get a page from joey, telling me that I can steal more payroll vans and give them to him to be cracked, seems like an easy way to make money. He may have also said that he has something from for me, well seems like I have nothing better to do, might as well see what he has.

Toni Cipranni needs a driver? Sounds like a mafia man. Anyway joey needs me a driver for later and Toni needs me to drive around his modified Audi S8. Atleast it is a nice car, I feel like Jason Statham now, fucking hell. Im not even fucking british.

Well Toni wont mind if I drive away with his car that his son has worked so hard to modify right?

How the fuck does the ammunation have my pager number? WHAT THE HELL LEAVE ME ALONE!

You know what though, Toni is a decent guy. He likes daft punk, when the triads were chasing us (for a short time because I am that fucking good) he had old daft punk blasting, yelling some shit in italian. It was surprisingly fun, I think I want to work for these guys for a bit.

Im heading to Joey's, sounds like he has something fun in mind.

It was get a dead body to the fucking crusher, while being chased. You know what, I enjoy a good chase. These guys did not give me a good chase, he keeps paging me about some job but I think I am going to go to sleep, I will talk to him in the morning.

The Chronicles of Claude II

Well that was easy. I may have wrecked my langoruni doing so but it was easy. I rammed the pimps car as hard as I could and kept driving into it until it flipped over and exploded.

Seriously, the fuck? They just explode when upside down...must be a safety feature or something. I then took my heavily damaged car and drove over the one who escaped the burning twisted wreckage that was his car and partner. Problem was I ran into a pole...and my lamborguni caught on fire and ran my ass off. Its okay though, I borrowed a plymouth prowler from a near by citizen. Its a nice smooth ride, much easier to drive than the lambo...but not nearly as fast. RIP lamborguni, I will remember you until I visit that dealership again.

I guess I will go back to Luigis, I just sent misty to joeys earlier this morning.
Well Luigi is no yelling at me thats nice...wait what? He wants me to deliver hookers to a policemans ball? The fuck is wrong with this guy. This is not going to work

I cant believe that fucking worked? What the hell is wrong with this place? The cops are just as bad as the criminals.

But you know what I like those girls, did not say a word, just let me listen to my music and drive.

I hope that they had a fun night. Im going to head back to the strip club to see if Luigi needs anything done, its getting kind of late.

The fucker said he didnt need me for anything at the moment, this sucks. I liked how easy this job was, drive hookers and run over people. I doubt Joey is awake at this hour, I may as well call it a night.

I decided to leave the prowler at home and go see Joey. Misty is still here, what the fuck? He hasnt fucked her yet?

YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING REDHEAD WHO WANTS YOUR COCK AND YOU WORK ON GOD DAMNED CARS?

What is wrong with this place. Anyway he tells me to go steal some guys car and rig it with a bomb. That is a good way to eliminate someone without getting to close or dirty, I kinda like it. Turns out 8 ball has a bomb shop and he can rig this for me, that fucker had to be at that strip club for fucking days.

A pity, a benz SL500, gorgeous car went up in smoke with this fat ass. Oh well mission completed...I kinda wrecked that VW I stole to get to joeys, I ought to find another ride...

M3? You will do. Im supposed to off some drug dealer in china town. Seriously, this Joey guy is only having me go after bad guys, is he a criminal or vigilante? and why has he not fucked misty yet. WHAT THE HELL.

Well this guy didnt go down to hard...he doesnt take well to being run over. I just rammed his car until he got out of it then ran his ass over...however once again I may have blown up my car, goodbye M3. Nice Passat...Ill take it.

Joey has a nice job for me. Ram a payroll van until the driver leaves then steal it, Could be fun.

That was seriously the easiest fucking thing ever. I just ramed and went, a smash and grab if you will. I think joey has some more things for me but I want to look into that marty character and investigate a strange pager message I just recieved...seriously how the fuck do people get this number?

The Generic Asshole plays gta

Ima just post rants here about playing gta, specifically gta 3 because its been forever since I have played it.
Also I have the real gta 3 mod where all cars are listed as a real car (mercedes benz for example) and the graphics look a little sharper. Everything is no longer a parody or reference, its all mcdonalds or pepsi ect ect ect. I fucking love it.

On a side note, who ever thought up naked lesbian wrestling needs a nobel prize.

So yeah, Ima write GTA 3 stuff from the perspective of claude.

So Ima robbin this bank, this this chesty brunette with a low cut shirt fucking shoots me
Seriously what the fuck, I just covered their asses with a god damned shotgun and this is how I am repaid. This is bullshit, Im arrested, in a hospital and going to prison when suddenly the door opens. I kick a fucker and escape next to a black guy with no fucking hands.

THEN THE GOD DAMNED BRIDGE EXPLODES!

My fuck, we find a the least wrecked car on the bridge and drive away, this guy says he knows a spot where we can hide. The radio says the cops do not know who was on board the transport exactly, and think that we are all dead.

So, I am dead. Fucking great. Perhaps this is a good thing though, I want to find that bitch and repay the favour. This guy says we should go to a strip club, talk to some Luigi guy about work.

Hell, its not like I have anything better to do, but my fuck does he talk alot. I cannot get a word in edge wise around this guy.

At the strip club I am greeted by a yelling italian, I need to get one of his girls, Misty. He also says 8 ball has business upstairs. Well atleast now I know his fucking name, lucky bastard is getting his dick wet.

Well I have a new car, and nothing to do. Why the fuck not pick up a striper? How hard can this be. Misty is a gorgeous redhead, but dumb as a fucking post, still I guess you need that level of stupidity, naieveity and physical attractiveness to survive in that industry. I like her, she does not talk to much.

Not that I had any desire to talk to her, but it was nice to not have people talk for me, or yell orders at me or just not shut the fuck up.

Luigi came out yelling again about some new drug...smack or some shit like that. He wants me to take this crowbar and beat the living fuck out of the dealers.

I drove over to where he was at and I

Ran his ass over with my car. Fuck that crowbar noise, too much time and effort. Luigi also told me to take his car, its a nice little sport car convertable. I get it painted up and put in his garage nice and neat and pick up another paycheque.

God if this is all I have to do for a while I will take it

I decide to call it a night/day. The sun is rising at this point and I havent slept in a while, 8 ball isnt back yet either. My fuck he must still be going at the strip club.

I wake up and decide to go to the strip club, perhaps see some naked women...its around lunch time so Im hoping it is quiet so I can enjoy some breasts and a brew.

No sooner that I get in there Luigi is asking me to pick up misty...again.
And drive her. Again.

I didnt even get the chance to protest. Fucking hell, I get into the car and pick up misty and take her to a garage. Some Joey guy.

He seems like a nice guy, not a criminal. Why he is hiring hookers and wants to hire me is beyond me. He tells me to come back later, I guess I will let him get his dick wet because it seems everyone in this fucking town can get laid except for me.

I hear a phone ringing nearby. I pick it up and its some Marty guy, wants me to get his banker. I pick up his banker and he says one thing to me "Lets pay the man a visit shall we?"

I like this guy, he knows when to shut up.

So Marty fucking killed him and wants me to get rid of the evidence, Marty is a bit of an asshole. This guy was quiet, I like quiet. Atleast I dont have to use my car and the new daft punk song was playing.

So I sat back and watch as martys Volkswagen was crushed and realized that I am way the fuck away from my new living arrangements. I dont want to walk, fuck that shit.

But I did see a shiny new Lamborghini at a car dealership nearby. Yoink, mine now.
Now where to go..Luigi or Joey. Ill go to the strip club, 8 ball must be done by now he has been there a day.

Luigi came out and yelled at me again...some pimp is piming his girl on luigits location. I guess I need to take him out. At least he was kind enough to give me a fucking gun.

Things that really suck

Here are some things that suck, involving women.

1) The 'r' word
2) Awesome to Not

Relationship, that word can be scary to people. It changes everything because now you can fuck up, now there is a chance it can end badly.

I really fucking hate it when the relationship is forced onto someone. For example (yes, this is from experience)

You are hanging out and talking with this awesome girl. The relationship is not overly intimate, you just enjoy each others company. Then one day, because of courage or alcohol one of you kisses the other.

Now everything changes, when you hang out with her you start spending less time enjoying her company and more time enjoying her body, this does not have to be a bad thing. Eventually you will come to a balance of making out and having conversation and things are good. One day things are going to change again when on of you decides to make it to second base.

At this point this will usually go one of 3 ways.

1) we shouldnt do this, then it stops
2) you make it to third and process repeats
3) the worst, the one which requires a paragraph to explain

The r word comes up. Are you dating this girl or not?
Why of fucking why do women have to ruin something fun and good with trying to get commitment or a relationship out of it. Now things will change again, if you had any other girls you were thinking of you have to (or atleast should) drop them.
You like the fooling around and you like the girl, but why is this the point that guys will sometimes put as much distance between them and her as possible? A forced relationship.

For example: before we go any further we should be boyfriend and girlfriend.
No. that only works for sex and marriage, hell foreplay and marriage.

Then if you say yes, does it change anything. It does not have to, however it usually will. If you say no, you cant even hang out with her anymore because you went there and honnestly there is no going back from that.

For example, girls I have fucked, being friends with them is...weird, having a girl who isnt them and them having a boyfriend who isnt you is kinda strange.

Everytime you see them you will think (if they were good)
I saw her naked and she fucks pretty good, god its such a distracting thing to be thinking during a conversation

If they werent good in bed you will be pitying the poor fucker who is fucking her now.

Still...sex and intimacy seems to ruin friendships. Because just being friends is weird because there was something more there once.

So perhaps I should not be asking why women ruin fooling around and sex by brining up the r word but why do we as humans ruin friendships by trying to fuck the opposite sex

Why do we lust? For me its redheads and milfs.

But still I ask, why does it have to be ruined by it having to be a relationship? Why cant sex be sex, why does there need to be an intimiacy and love? Really its just how we procreate, and love and intimacy has nothing to do with that, but why has society said it has to?

My fuck I would have been so happy years ago if girls were not pushing to be in a relationship and I had the spine to shoot them down.

In short, it really pisses me off when fuck buddys or friends with benefits start forcing a relationship. That being said, if you enjoy a friends company and it turns into sex...and it doesnt get weird and you never considered that person a friend with benefits or a fuck buddy, when the r word comes up it is not such a big deal. But if someone feels forced into a relationship, it will not end well. If it doesnt get weird, that is the closest thing to love that may exist.

Now: Awesome to not, its like a hot girl that is as dumb as a post or a girl who is moderately geeky and turns out to be clingy, or a girl who seems perfect and awesome for you...who starts telling you how to live your life, not as advisement, it would be like they know more than you and you are incapable of making the best decision for yourself.

Fucking cunts.

Ugh...I have met several awesome women who go cunt so quickly. Perhaps its just a one off thing who fucking knows but it bugs me. Like before, why is it when women are looking so fucking awesome they can so easily become such fucking cunts?



Wednesday, June 5, 2013

What the fuck

Well since none of my friends are online for me to vent at, I guess I will vent at you.

The fuck?
God this is turning out to be the year from hell...
Allright, first thing on my mind: I CANT FIND A FUCKING JOB

I dont mean some bullshit slacker job like mcdonalds or wal mart, A REAL FUCKING JOB IN THE FIELD I HAVE TRAINED IN.

I am getting an indication that this is because of a bad reference from my last place of employment.

Yeah, I have learned my lesson. Never work with teenagers.

So thats kinda getting in the way, so now it has been suggested to me that I go to all the places I have applied, find out if they called anyone and what they said about me.
In the event that I did receive a bad reference have an awkward and probably unpleasant conversation with that individual (who I would honestly just like to tell to FUCK OFF)

God damn thats going to be alot of driving and Im going to be alot of pissed off. I need to take up a new hobby.

Shooting perhaps. Maybe that is what I will do, buy a fucking gun and go to the range and just shot shit. Perhaps it will make me less pissed, or atleast let me not think about how pissed I am because I am holding 5 pounds of death dealing iron.

It would just be easier to drop 10 grand on trucking school and drive an 18 wheeler.

Now, for the what the fuck moment.

My friends have broken up.
Surprise I know, which friends you ask dear reader? The succubus and clingy guy.

I saw this coming for a bit, but the why kinda surprised me. She was not happy that the guy was hiding things from her and others and would only show it when he was stressed out and felt that he lacked conviction. He would say something, then not do it.

Once again a glorious case of a couple who vent to me and not each other.

Perhaps I should be a marriage counsellor.

She broke up with him, that I am not surprised over. I always had a feeling that she would eventually break his heart. He seemed to care about her ALOT more than she seemed to care about him. (however she tended to be the clingy one)

Anyway she was telling me this earlier, and literally NONE OF OUR FRIENDS IN THIS GROUP IS ONLINE.

Who the fuck do I have to say what the fuck to? NOBODY!

Now, this all aside. This is not a bad thing. They obviously were not going to work, if she could not figure him out enough to get him to open up about hiding or figure out what he was hiding then perhaps not best suitable mate at this time. If he could not motivate himself to stick to what he says to her, for her then perhaps not best suitable mate at this time.

He is my better friend, so I am going to take his side. Which is kinda rough for her, as all of our mutual friends were his friends first and then her friend after. I do not know how much support he will have though, this relationship costed him a bit. This is the couple I mentioned earlier how everyone felt they would only speak to them to use or manipulate them. Then that post upset my friend (probably because I was right)

However, he has still not spoken to me about it. He just ranted at her which by the sounds of things is what started this.

As in all break ups, that was not the only reason why. She had other issues with him, which were probably not addressed as soon as they should have been. Which is a shame, but these things happen.

This costed her alot as well, she tended to hang out with him and only him and his friends by proxy and was not out socializing or mingling as much as she could have been leaving her living with her ex, in a town where she does not know many people.

Well perhaps he can get some easy pussy out of this. I really need to talk to him, I dont think he is on the path to be like me, but could be much worse off. He was at the point in the relationship with the clinger where it was still fun for him and he liked her. Where I was at the point in the relationship were I was ready to cheat on the clinger because she had stopped being fun and became more of a stalker (and the fact that she lost her shit to my dad and called him a liar did not help her cause any either)