I need to kill Sal? Fine. Boom boom boom.
I just chased his ass with a car and shot at him. A lot. Then when my car blew up I decided to show a rocket up his ass. Fuck you for trying to kill me because your fucking wife makes shit up.
I swear to fuck she had better give me the best head or I will shot her.
These 2 girls a fucking dykes? Excellent? Seems a 3 way is in store for me. Seriously this asian chick that has a thing for maria seems to be coming on to me. Maria you may be replaced because it seems SHE WILL ACTUALLY RIDE MY COCK. Fuck her name, it starts with a...akira maybe? I dont know. However she has referred to me as Marie's territory. I could get used to that.
Well I got another page. Seriously, I dont know why I have a pager I dont even know the number to it, so how the fuck can I give it out. I literally just felt something vibrate in my pants and it was there and random ased people have been sending me pages.
8 ball, that son of a bitch, these were his pants and its his pager.
Wait, the car was a trap...a bomb probably. Did 8 ball try to kill me? Fuck Sal turned the guy who saved my ass on me. Im glad he is done, in fucking fact I want to end all of the mafia.
Anyway, new page and an new street race. One was in a lambo...he was kinda challenging the other 2 were in a chev truck and a hummer, my fuck A challenging drive would be nice. I won the race so the voice has some more work for me, may as well check it out. I will talk to the dykes later.
2 guys are riding with me...to see if I am capable? Riiiiiiiiiiight. This is going to be fun. Kill some diablos, I do driving and shooting. Well atleast they were kind enough to give me an uzi.
Jack some cars? Easy enough...
Yeah it was, akira practically gives me a triaid supra, the other two were easy to find and I just love me an excuse to go over to port land and run over those assholes in the suits.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Resurrection of Claude 5
Another day, another note. Fucking hell.
Atleast he was kind enough to give me some wingmen with uzis..and and uzi for me? Toni you shouldn't have. I need to kill some soldiers and leaders of the triads...with these guys? Fuck that shit. I got into an audi and ran their asses over, then one guy was in a blocked off area. I just punched the shit out of him while...my audi blew up, fuck this town. I stole a mini and jumped it over the wall to their fish factory and ran over every fucking triad I found.
Then got paid handsomely for it, fucking awesome way to start the day.
Rain mackerel? Sounds good. I need to rig a garbage truck with a bomb, park it in the fish factory and blow it sky high. Easy enough, problem is it is on a timer and twitchy as hell. So drive fast and smooth and dont hit anything. Easier said than done in this fucking town.
And it fucking worked! It rained mackerel, it was great. I took some of that shit home and fried it up, it was delicious.
Im done with Toni now...guess Sal needs me to do some things. Let us see what he needs.
Follow Bob...he is talking then I have to kill him. I will follow him in a mafia car to be subtle.
I cant believe that seriously work, I whacked the guy by just running his ass over. Fuck that noise
We need to use one head? my head? This guy wants me to fight his fucking war for him? Good to see my old friend 8 ball. That fucker doesnt even know his name.
100000 dollars? fucking hell, how the hell does this handless man make bombs...and a sniper rilfle? I fucking hate sniper rifles...
Well that was easy, and kinda fun. Now Im not sure what to do, Ive stopped the war with the triaids and I just sank a colombian ship with smack
Well shit
What am I supposed to do, really what? My boss looks like he runs this town, oh well Im bored with the mafia for now. I hear the garage needs me to steal cars for them. Maybe I will become a taxt driver
So that marty guy has another mission for me, pick up some thieves that he hired so he could get some insurance money...and they said nothing in the car. Then they fucking got killed by this guy. My fuck everyone in this town is an asshole, why did he have to kill the people who knew to shut their traps. Sounds like he has another mission for me.
He wants me to pick up his wife...great I wonder what for. He has a Vanguish now, its a nice car.
God his wife is a dumb cunt, and wouldnt shut up. I hope he kills her. He fucking killed her, schweet.
Wait, what he wants me to dump the vehicle into the sea? THIS IS A FUCKING ASTON MARTIN
Fucking nob, oh well. Perhaps he has money problems because he keeps destroying his cars in order to kill people. I cant swim so I dont want to drive it into the sea, so I inconspicuously pushed it into the water off the end of the wharf, thats not suspicious, right?
Fucking hell, his wife was cheating on him with a guy who wants to kill marty now. I need to pick him up...guess I know how this is going to go.
The fuck, why is marty outside? MY GOD THIS GUY JUST FUCKING SHOT MARTY
Im going back to the italians, they are less crazy. Fucking hell, I need to dispose of yet another corpse and car. Fuck this city, Im going back to san andreas.
Maria fucking paged me, seriously how do people get this number? Anyway the car is a trap...fucking hell whats going on here.
What? Salvatore was selling me to the cartel to end this war? Sal thinks me and Maria were fucking behind his back...BECAUSE MARIA FUCKING SAID THIS TO HIM WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN
God damn it learn to shut your hole.
She probabily said it to try and convince Sal to not get me killed, she actually gives a fuck about my life. Im not sure if anyone has before. Fuck the mafia, im in a boat and we are getting out of here.
Well I am in liberty city proper now. Is this girl asian? like triaif? WHAT THE FUCK.
Oh well, she has been kind enough to give me a place to lay low, may as well check it out.
A nice big garage, a nice new toyota supra in triad colours. I think I like this woman. Fuck today, Im calling it a night.
Atleast he was kind enough to give me some wingmen with uzis..and and uzi for me? Toni you shouldn't have. I need to kill some soldiers and leaders of the triads...with these guys? Fuck that shit. I got into an audi and ran their asses over, then one guy was in a blocked off area. I just punched the shit out of him while...my audi blew up, fuck this town. I stole a mini and jumped it over the wall to their fish factory and ran over every fucking triad I found.
Then got paid handsomely for it, fucking awesome way to start the day.
Rain mackerel? Sounds good. I need to rig a garbage truck with a bomb, park it in the fish factory and blow it sky high. Easy enough, problem is it is on a timer and twitchy as hell. So drive fast and smooth and dont hit anything. Easier said than done in this fucking town.
And it fucking worked! It rained mackerel, it was great. I took some of that shit home and fried it up, it was delicious.
Im done with Toni now...guess Sal needs me to do some things. Let us see what he needs.
Follow Bob...he is talking then I have to kill him. I will follow him in a mafia car to be subtle.
I cant believe that seriously work, I whacked the guy by just running his ass over. Fuck that noise
We need to use one head? my head? This guy wants me to fight his fucking war for him? Good to see my old friend 8 ball. That fucker doesnt even know his name.
100000 dollars? fucking hell, how the hell does this handless man make bombs...and a sniper rilfle? I fucking hate sniper rifles...
Well that was easy, and kinda fun. Now Im not sure what to do, Ive stopped the war with the triaids and I just sank a colombian ship with smack
Well shit
What am I supposed to do, really what? My boss looks like he runs this town, oh well Im bored with the mafia for now. I hear the garage needs me to steal cars for them. Maybe I will become a taxt driver
So that marty guy has another mission for me, pick up some thieves that he hired so he could get some insurance money...and they said nothing in the car. Then they fucking got killed by this guy. My fuck everyone in this town is an asshole, why did he have to kill the people who knew to shut their traps. Sounds like he has another mission for me.
He wants me to pick up his wife...great I wonder what for. He has a Vanguish now, its a nice car.
God his wife is a dumb cunt, and wouldnt shut up. I hope he kills her. He fucking killed her, schweet.
Wait, what he wants me to dump the vehicle into the sea? THIS IS A FUCKING ASTON MARTIN
Fucking nob, oh well. Perhaps he has money problems because he keeps destroying his cars in order to kill people. I cant swim so I dont want to drive it into the sea, so I inconspicuously pushed it into the water off the end of the wharf, thats not suspicious, right?
Fucking hell, his wife was cheating on him with a guy who wants to kill marty now. I need to pick him up...guess I know how this is going to go.
The fuck, why is marty outside? MY GOD THIS GUY JUST FUCKING SHOT MARTY
Im going back to the italians, they are less crazy. Fucking hell, I need to dispose of yet another corpse and car. Fuck this city, Im going back to san andreas.
Maria fucking paged me, seriously how do people get this number? Anyway the car is a trap...fucking hell whats going on here.
What? Salvatore was selling me to the cartel to end this war? Sal thinks me and Maria were fucking behind his back...BECAUSE MARIA FUCKING SAID THIS TO HIM WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN
God damn it learn to shut your hole.
She probabily said it to try and convince Sal to not get me killed, she actually gives a fuck about my life. Im not sure if anyone has before. Fuck the mafia, im in a boat and we are getting out of here.
Well I am in liberty city proper now. Is this girl asian? like triaif? WHAT THE FUCK.
Oh well, she has been kind enough to give me a place to lay low, may as well check it out.
A nice big garage, a nice new toyota supra in triad colours. I think I like this woman. Fuck today, Im calling it a night.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Part 4
I am a getaway driver for a bank robbery...fantastic.
This went so well last time, atleast I can fuck them over if need be and not be fucked over
Well that was actually alot of fun. Got chased through ally's and lost the cops, go my car sprayed and new engine and we are home free. Joey has nothing new for me, I guess I will go see Toni.
He wants me to blow up vans...I have a lovely flame thrower kicking around that has not been used in a little while hehehe
I may have went a little crazy with the flame thrower...I really should have thought that threw, it was hard to find a vehicle after.
I need to pick up the cash...I scared them so...good? Anyway that fuck left me a letter and you know what? He is still yelling orders at me. My fuck I can never get a word in with these people, working with them may be a little irritating now
Well it was a fucking ambush, and that fucker sends me another letter, atleast he wasnt yelling at me. My fuck I want to talk sometimes and everyone else to shut the fuck up. Anyway go see joey, pick up the limo pick up luigi, pick up toni. Joey is the black sheep of the family, spells his name with a y. Fucking italians.
Must say Joey cleans up good, this isnt a fucking limo. Thank god, its a BMW 760. All these mafia guys in one car, it would suck if we got chased and I had to maneveur one of those ugly stretch things around this fucking city. And now the rain starts, great this would suck if we get chased.
We got fucking chased by fish trucks. They did not stand a chance against my skill, and you know what? these italian guys kept their mouths shut while shit was exploding around us and we were being shot at. They trusted me, that is fucking awesome. Im not sure if anyone has ever trusted me like that before, and they seem to know when to be quiet. I change my mind, I like these guys. I want to just work for them until I die.
Well Salvadore is the guy in charge, sounds like he has some use for me and seeing as nobody else needs a transporter and I like working for these guys lets see what they have.
I need to look after his girlfriend Maria...and she looks like a redhead. Well atleast he told her to shut up and it seems that these 2 do not get along. My fuck she talks to me like a cunt...and doesnt shut up
and she was totally undressing me with her eyes. This is not good.
She wants to score some drugs, Im guessing that she uses sal for money and he uses her for pussy. She is just a prostitute with clothing on. She is a little chatty and my name is fucking claude. IF PEOPLE WOULD SHUT UP AND MET ME SAY SOMETHING THEY WOULD KNOW THIS. I am not fido, kid, bro or whatever the fuck you guys call me. Claude. Fuck.
Now I need to wait outside while she goes in and dance? My fuck I had better get paid well for this. This is boring as tits, I would kill for a cop chase right about now...
Fuck my life.
Well that was a hell of a case, the swat raided the dance and they were shooting people and fighting. Maria was useful in a fight, she punched out 2 guys on her way to the car, then a nice short chase followed.
Im getting used to being chaed in the BMW, Im going to miss it. The boss wants his car back, pity. I have a feeling that Toni needs me for more work and Sal does as well. Fuck that noise, Im going to sleep. Maria touched my hand after I got her home, Im getting the vibe she wants to fuck me. God damnit.
This went so well last time, atleast I can fuck them over if need be and not be fucked over
Well that was actually alot of fun. Got chased through ally's and lost the cops, go my car sprayed and new engine and we are home free. Joey has nothing new for me, I guess I will go see Toni.
He wants me to blow up vans...I have a lovely flame thrower kicking around that has not been used in a little while hehehe
I may have went a little crazy with the flame thrower...I really should have thought that threw, it was hard to find a vehicle after.
I need to pick up the cash...I scared them so...good? Anyway that fuck left me a letter and you know what? He is still yelling orders at me. My fuck I can never get a word in with these people, working with them may be a little irritating now
Well it was a fucking ambush, and that fucker sends me another letter, atleast he wasnt yelling at me. My fuck I want to talk sometimes and everyone else to shut the fuck up. Anyway go see joey, pick up the limo pick up luigi, pick up toni. Joey is the black sheep of the family, spells his name with a y. Fucking italians.
Must say Joey cleans up good, this isnt a fucking limo. Thank god, its a BMW 760. All these mafia guys in one car, it would suck if we got chased and I had to maneveur one of those ugly stretch things around this fucking city. And now the rain starts, great this would suck if we get chased.
We got fucking chased by fish trucks. They did not stand a chance against my skill, and you know what? these italian guys kept their mouths shut while shit was exploding around us and we were being shot at. They trusted me, that is fucking awesome. Im not sure if anyone has ever trusted me like that before, and they seem to know when to be quiet. I change my mind, I like these guys. I want to just work for them until I die.
Well Salvadore is the guy in charge, sounds like he has some use for me and seeing as nobody else needs a transporter and I like working for these guys lets see what they have.
I need to look after his girlfriend Maria...and she looks like a redhead. Well atleast he told her to shut up and it seems that these 2 do not get along. My fuck she talks to me like a cunt...and doesnt shut up
and she was totally undressing me with her eyes. This is not good.
She wants to score some drugs, Im guessing that she uses sal for money and he uses her for pussy. She is just a prostitute with clothing on. She is a little chatty and my name is fucking claude. IF PEOPLE WOULD SHUT UP AND MET ME SAY SOMETHING THEY WOULD KNOW THIS. I am not fido, kid, bro or whatever the fuck you guys call me. Claude. Fuck.
Now I need to wait outside while she goes in and dance? My fuck I had better get paid well for this. This is boring as tits, I would kill for a cop chase right about now...
Fuck my life.
Well that was a hell of a case, the swat raided the dance and they were shooting people and fighting. Maria was useful in a fight, she punched out 2 guys on her way to the car, then a nice short chase followed.
Im getting used to being chaed in the BMW, Im going to miss it. The boss wants his car back, pity. I have a feeling that Toni needs me for more work and Sal does as well. Fuck that noise, Im going to sleep. Maria touched my hand after I got her home, Im getting the vibe she wants to fuck me. God damnit.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Claude's Chronicle 3
Well I could not get into the dog food factory and the message directed me to a payphone outside mistys appartment. A vocie on the other end of the line told me to get a fast car and race...you know what, I think that dealership may have restocked their lamborguni...
Well that race was easy, went on all night and we finished...well I finished at the crack of dawn. These guys were not even close to me, how boring. Not at all like that race I had with that black guy back west in San Andreas...anyway Im feeling tired now, I think I will call it a night. I have a feeling that payphone will have more work for me and that marty guy may be at his factory.
Once again no marty, that guy works fucked up hours. I thought about heading over to Joey's but I went back to the payphone, maybe I will catch a glimpse of misty getting naked in her apartment and typically I dont need to deal with people talking there. He had me put a bomb in an ice cream machine to kill some mobsters that wanted to cut off his cock, I did take an ice cream sandwich from the truck before I blew it up.
It rained vanilla and blood, kinda neat. I recieved another page...seriously how the fuck do people get this number. Actually, why and how the fuck do I have a pager?
Anyway, the voice is telling me to kill things with fire. I think I like Shit a little collateral damage, but no hookers. Thank god, atleast those women shut the fuck up when you tell them to.
Jesus fucking christ, he had me follow porn he made with a donky...from a guy who stole that shit. What the fuck is wrong with this town? I have not received any pages about jobs from that guy however I did get a page from joey, telling me that I can steal more payroll vans and give them to him to be cracked, seems like an easy way to make money. He may have also said that he has something from for me, well seems like I have nothing better to do, might as well see what he has.
Toni Cipranni needs a driver? Sounds like a mafia man. Anyway joey needs me a driver for later and Toni needs me to drive around his modified Audi S8. Atleast it is a nice car, I feel like Jason Statham now, fucking hell. Im not even fucking british.
Well Toni wont mind if I drive away with his car that his son has worked so hard to modify right?
How the fuck does the ammunation have my pager number? WHAT THE HELL LEAVE ME ALONE!
You know what though, Toni is a decent guy. He likes daft punk, when the triads were chasing us (for a short time because I am that fucking good) he had old daft punk blasting, yelling some shit in italian. It was surprisingly fun, I think I want to work for these guys for a bit.
Im heading to Joey's, sounds like he has something fun in mind.
It was get a dead body to the fucking crusher, while being chased. You know what, I enjoy a good chase. These guys did not give me a good chase, he keeps paging me about some job but I think I am going to go to sleep, I will talk to him in the morning.
Well that race was easy, went on all night and we finished...well I finished at the crack of dawn. These guys were not even close to me, how boring. Not at all like that race I had with that black guy back west in San Andreas...anyway Im feeling tired now, I think I will call it a night. I have a feeling that payphone will have more work for me and that marty guy may be at his factory.
Once again no marty, that guy works fucked up hours. I thought about heading over to Joey's but I went back to the payphone, maybe I will catch a glimpse of misty getting naked in her apartment and typically I dont need to deal with people talking there. He had me put a bomb in an ice cream machine to kill some mobsters that wanted to cut off his cock, I did take an ice cream sandwich from the truck before I blew it up.
It rained vanilla and blood, kinda neat. I recieved another page...seriously how the fuck do people get this number. Actually, why and how the fuck do I have a pager?
Anyway, the voice is telling me to kill things with fire. I think I like Shit a little collateral damage, but no hookers. Thank god, atleast those women shut the fuck up when you tell them to.
Jesus fucking christ, he had me follow porn he made with a donky...from a guy who stole that shit. What the fuck is wrong with this town? I have not received any pages about jobs from that guy however I did get a page from joey, telling me that I can steal more payroll vans and give them to him to be cracked, seems like an easy way to make money. He may have also said that he has something from for me, well seems like I have nothing better to do, might as well see what he has.
Toni Cipranni needs a driver? Sounds like a mafia man. Anyway joey needs me a driver for later and Toni needs me to drive around his modified Audi S8. Atleast it is a nice car, I feel like Jason Statham now, fucking hell. Im not even fucking british.
Well Toni wont mind if I drive away with his car that his son has worked so hard to modify right?
How the fuck does the ammunation have my pager number? WHAT THE HELL LEAVE ME ALONE!
You know what though, Toni is a decent guy. He likes daft punk, when the triads were chasing us (for a short time because I am that fucking good) he had old daft punk blasting, yelling some shit in italian. It was surprisingly fun, I think I want to work for these guys for a bit.
Im heading to Joey's, sounds like he has something fun in mind.
It was get a dead body to the fucking crusher, while being chased. You know what, I enjoy a good chase. These guys did not give me a good chase, he keeps paging me about some job but I think I am going to go to sleep, I will talk to him in the morning.
The Chronicles of Claude II
Well that was easy. I may have wrecked my langoruni doing so but it was easy. I rammed the pimps car as hard as I could and kept driving into it until it flipped over and exploded.
Seriously, the fuck? They just explode when upside down...must be a safety feature or something. I then took my heavily damaged car and drove over the one who escaped the burning twisted wreckage that was his car and partner. Problem was I ran into a pole...and my lamborguni caught on fire and ran my ass off. Its okay though, I borrowed a plymouth prowler from a near by citizen. Its a nice smooth ride, much easier to drive than the lambo...but not nearly as fast. RIP lamborguni, I will remember you until I visit that dealership again.
I guess I will go back to Luigis, I just sent misty to joeys earlier this morning.
Well Luigi is no yelling at me thats nice...wait what? He wants me to deliver hookers to a policemans ball? The fuck is wrong with this guy. This is not going to work
I cant believe that fucking worked? What the hell is wrong with this place? The cops are just as bad as the criminals.
But you know what I like those girls, did not say a word, just let me listen to my music and drive.
I hope that they had a fun night. Im going to head back to the strip club to see if Luigi needs anything done, its getting kind of late.
The fucker said he didnt need me for anything at the moment, this sucks. I liked how easy this job was, drive hookers and run over people. I doubt Joey is awake at this hour, I may as well call it a night.
I decided to leave the prowler at home and go see Joey. Misty is still here, what the fuck? He hasnt fucked her yet?
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING REDHEAD WHO WANTS YOUR COCK AND YOU WORK ON GOD DAMNED CARS?
What is wrong with this place. Anyway he tells me to go steal some guys car and rig it with a bomb. That is a good way to eliminate someone without getting to close or dirty, I kinda like it. Turns out 8 ball has a bomb shop and he can rig this for me, that fucker had to be at that strip club for fucking days.
A pity, a benz SL500, gorgeous car went up in smoke with this fat ass. Oh well mission completed...I kinda wrecked that VW I stole to get to joeys, I ought to find another ride...
M3? You will do. Im supposed to off some drug dealer in china town. Seriously, this Joey guy is only having me go after bad guys, is he a criminal or vigilante? and why has he not fucked misty yet. WHAT THE HELL.
Well this guy didnt go down to hard...he doesnt take well to being run over. I just rammed his car until he got out of it then ran his ass over...however once again I may have blown up my car, goodbye M3. Nice Passat...Ill take it.
Joey has a nice job for me. Ram a payroll van until the driver leaves then steal it, Could be fun.
That was seriously the easiest fucking thing ever. I just ramed and went, a smash and grab if you will. I think joey has some more things for me but I want to look into that marty character and investigate a strange pager message I just recieved...seriously how the fuck do people get this number?
Seriously, the fuck? They just explode when upside down...must be a safety feature or something. I then took my heavily damaged car and drove over the one who escaped the burning twisted wreckage that was his car and partner. Problem was I ran into a pole...and my lamborguni caught on fire and ran my ass off. Its okay though, I borrowed a plymouth prowler from a near by citizen. Its a nice smooth ride, much easier to drive than the lambo...but not nearly as fast. RIP lamborguni, I will remember you until I visit that dealership again.
I guess I will go back to Luigis, I just sent misty to joeys earlier this morning.
Well Luigi is no yelling at me thats nice...wait what? He wants me to deliver hookers to a policemans ball? The fuck is wrong with this guy. This is not going to work
I cant believe that fucking worked? What the hell is wrong with this place? The cops are just as bad as the criminals.
But you know what I like those girls, did not say a word, just let me listen to my music and drive.
I hope that they had a fun night. Im going to head back to the strip club to see if Luigi needs anything done, its getting kind of late.
The fucker said he didnt need me for anything at the moment, this sucks. I liked how easy this job was, drive hookers and run over people. I doubt Joey is awake at this hour, I may as well call it a night.
I decided to leave the prowler at home and go see Joey. Misty is still here, what the fuck? He hasnt fucked her yet?
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING REDHEAD WHO WANTS YOUR COCK AND YOU WORK ON GOD DAMNED CARS?
What is wrong with this place. Anyway he tells me to go steal some guys car and rig it with a bomb. That is a good way to eliminate someone without getting to close or dirty, I kinda like it. Turns out 8 ball has a bomb shop and he can rig this for me, that fucker had to be at that strip club for fucking days.
A pity, a benz SL500, gorgeous car went up in smoke with this fat ass. Oh well mission completed...I kinda wrecked that VW I stole to get to joeys, I ought to find another ride...
M3? You will do. Im supposed to off some drug dealer in china town. Seriously, this Joey guy is only having me go after bad guys, is he a criminal or vigilante? and why has he not fucked misty yet. WHAT THE HELL.
Well this guy didnt go down to hard...he doesnt take well to being run over. I just rammed his car until he got out of it then ran his ass over...however once again I may have blown up my car, goodbye M3. Nice Passat...Ill take it.
Joey has a nice job for me. Ram a payroll van until the driver leaves then steal it, Could be fun.
That was seriously the easiest fucking thing ever. I just ramed and went, a smash and grab if you will. I think joey has some more things for me but I want to look into that marty character and investigate a strange pager message I just recieved...seriously how the fuck do people get this number?
The Generic Asshole plays gta
Ima just post rants here about playing gta, specifically gta 3 because its been forever since I have played it.
Also I have the real gta 3 mod where all cars are listed as a real car (mercedes benz for example) and the graphics look a little sharper. Everything is no longer a parody or reference, its all mcdonalds or pepsi ect ect ect. I fucking love it.
On a side note, who ever thought up naked lesbian wrestling needs a nobel prize.
So yeah, Ima write GTA 3 stuff from the perspective of claude.
So Ima robbin this bank, this this chesty brunette with a low cut shirt fucking shoots me
Seriously what the fuck, I just covered their asses with a god damned shotgun and this is how I am repaid. This is bullshit, Im arrested, in a hospital and going to prison when suddenly the door opens. I kick a fucker and escape next to a black guy with no fucking hands.
THEN THE GOD DAMNED BRIDGE EXPLODES!
My fuck, we find a the least wrecked car on the bridge and drive away, this guy says he knows a spot where we can hide. The radio says the cops do not know who was on board the transport exactly, and think that we are all dead.
So, I am dead. Fucking great. Perhaps this is a good thing though, I want to find that bitch and repay the favour. This guy says we should go to a strip club, talk to some Luigi guy about work.
Hell, its not like I have anything better to do, but my fuck does he talk alot. I cannot get a word in edge wise around this guy.
At the strip club I am greeted by a yelling italian, I need to get one of his girls, Misty. He also says 8 ball has business upstairs. Well atleast now I know his fucking name, lucky bastard is getting his dick wet.
Well I have a new car, and nothing to do. Why the fuck not pick up a striper? How hard can this be. Misty is a gorgeous redhead, but dumb as a fucking post, still I guess you need that level of stupidity, naieveity and physical attractiveness to survive in that industry. I like her, she does not talk to much.
Not that I had any desire to talk to her, but it was nice to not have people talk for me, or yell orders at me or just not shut the fuck up.
Luigi came out yelling again about some new drug...smack or some shit like that. He wants me to take this crowbar and beat the living fuck out of the dealers.
I drove over to where he was at and I
Ran his ass over with my car. Fuck that crowbar noise, too much time and effort. Luigi also told me to take his car, its a nice little sport car convertable. I get it painted up and put in his garage nice and neat and pick up another paycheque.
God if this is all I have to do for a while I will take it
I decide to call it a night/day. The sun is rising at this point and I havent slept in a while, 8 ball isnt back yet either. My fuck he must still be going at the strip club.
I wake up and decide to go to the strip club, perhaps see some naked women...its around lunch time so Im hoping it is quiet so I can enjoy some breasts and a brew.
No sooner that I get in there Luigi is asking me to pick up misty...again.
And drive her. Again.
I didnt even get the chance to protest. Fucking hell, I get into the car and pick up misty and take her to a garage. Some Joey guy.
He seems like a nice guy, not a criminal. Why he is hiring hookers and wants to hire me is beyond me. He tells me to come back later, I guess I will let him get his dick wet because it seems everyone in this fucking town can get laid except for me.
I hear a phone ringing nearby. I pick it up and its some Marty guy, wants me to get his banker. I pick up his banker and he says one thing to me "Lets pay the man a visit shall we?"
I like this guy, he knows when to shut up.
So Marty fucking killed him and wants me to get rid of the evidence, Marty is a bit of an asshole. This guy was quiet, I like quiet. Atleast I dont have to use my car and the new daft punk song was playing.
So I sat back and watch as martys Volkswagen was crushed and realized that I am way the fuck away from my new living arrangements. I dont want to walk, fuck that shit.
But I did see a shiny new Lamborghini at a car dealership nearby. Yoink, mine now.
Now where to go..Luigi or Joey. Ill go to the strip club, 8 ball must be done by now he has been there a day.
Luigi came out and yelled at me again...some pimp is piming his girl on luigits location. I guess I need to take him out. At least he was kind enough to give me a fucking gun.
Also I have the real gta 3 mod where all cars are listed as a real car (mercedes benz for example) and the graphics look a little sharper. Everything is no longer a parody or reference, its all mcdonalds or pepsi ect ect ect. I fucking love it.
On a side note, who ever thought up naked lesbian wrestling needs a nobel prize.
So yeah, Ima write GTA 3 stuff from the perspective of claude.
So Ima robbin this bank, this this chesty brunette with a low cut shirt fucking shoots me
Seriously what the fuck, I just covered their asses with a god damned shotgun and this is how I am repaid. This is bullshit, Im arrested, in a hospital and going to prison when suddenly the door opens. I kick a fucker and escape next to a black guy with no fucking hands.
THEN THE GOD DAMNED BRIDGE EXPLODES!
My fuck, we find a the least wrecked car on the bridge and drive away, this guy says he knows a spot where we can hide. The radio says the cops do not know who was on board the transport exactly, and think that we are all dead.
So, I am dead. Fucking great. Perhaps this is a good thing though, I want to find that bitch and repay the favour. This guy says we should go to a strip club, talk to some Luigi guy about work.
Hell, its not like I have anything better to do, but my fuck does he talk alot. I cannot get a word in edge wise around this guy.
At the strip club I am greeted by a yelling italian, I need to get one of his girls, Misty. He also says 8 ball has business upstairs. Well atleast now I know his fucking name, lucky bastard is getting his dick wet.
Well I have a new car, and nothing to do. Why the fuck not pick up a striper? How hard can this be. Misty is a gorgeous redhead, but dumb as a fucking post, still I guess you need that level of stupidity, naieveity and physical attractiveness to survive in that industry. I like her, she does not talk to much.
Not that I had any desire to talk to her, but it was nice to not have people talk for me, or yell orders at me or just not shut the fuck up.
Luigi came out yelling again about some new drug...smack or some shit like that. He wants me to take this crowbar and beat the living fuck out of the dealers.
I drove over to where he was at and I
Ran his ass over with my car. Fuck that crowbar noise, too much time and effort. Luigi also told me to take his car, its a nice little sport car convertable. I get it painted up and put in his garage nice and neat and pick up another paycheque.
God if this is all I have to do for a while I will take it
I decide to call it a night/day. The sun is rising at this point and I havent slept in a while, 8 ball isnt back yet either. My fuck he must still be going at the strip club.
I wake up and decide to go to the strip club, perhaps see some naked women...its around lunch time so Im hoping it is quiet so I can enjoy some breasts and a brew.
No sooner that I get in there Luigi is asking me to pick up misty...again.
And drive her. Again.
I didnt even get the chance to protest. Fucking hell, I get into the car and pick up misty and take her to a garage. Some Joey guy.
He seems like a nice guy, not a criminal. Why he is hiring hookers and wants to hire me is beyond me. He tells me to come back later, I guess I will let him get his dick wet because it seems everyone in this fucking town can get laid except for me.
I hear a phone ringing nearby. I pick it up and its some Marty guy, wants me to get his banker. I pick up his banker and he says one thing to me "Lets pay the man a visit shall we?"
I like this guy, he knows when to shut up.
So Marty fucking killed him and wants me to get rid of the evidence, Marty is a bit of an asshole. This guy was quiet, I like quiet. Atleast I dont have to use my car and the new daft punk song was playing.
So I sat back and watch as martys Volkswagen was crushed and realized that I am way the fuck away from my new living arrangements. I dont want to walk, fuck that shit.
But I did see a shiny new Lamborghini at a car dealership nearby. Yoink, mine now.
Now where to go..Luigi or Joey. Ill go to the strip club, 8 ball must be done by now he has been there a day.
Luigi came out and yelled at me again...some pimp is piming his girl on luigits location. I guess I need to take him out. At least he was kind enough to give me a fucking gun.
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