Monday, November 13, 2017

New weekend, Same bar

So its been a while since I've done one of these, this past weekend I didn't DJ so I went out to the bar anyway to razz the other DJ because I'm bored as shit and I live for that.

It was quite the crew in, his ex (the one he can't seem to get over which is silly because his current lady is literally one billion times more awesome and attractive than she is)

SWEET FUCK OTHER DJ FORGET THIS OTHER CUNT

I'm getting side tracked. We will start with Halloween, I was at not the bar I normally am at.

That was a cluster fuck, I get asked that afternoon if I can do it and am sent scrambling for music and gear and somehow I pull it the fuck off.

It was fun, small dance floor Im on it at a table, not above it in a booth. I like being on the same level

I also hate it because there was this one lady (definition of hot mess, as in hot as fuck and totally messed up)

She confessed her undying love for me, shes my kind of crazy. Too bad she was wayyyy to impaired to give consent. Oh well.

She was grinding and dancing on all my gear, gave me something nice to look at, however it began to compromise the speaker stands structural integrity. It was pulling the sheet off the table.

I was afraid shit was going to go flying, then I saw him. Dressed in red and white stripes.

Waldo. I have found you. I started trying to telepathically him to dance with this girl before everything falls down and explodes.

He listened. Eventually.

For a very short time.

Fuck,

it was long enough for me to secure the gear anyway.

The weekend after was country night

This is the second country night, first one was less than successful. This one, more successful...after I stopped playing country music.

Seriously, I play party up by DMX then county girl? hip hop in a honkey tonk? I dont remember. One of those up beat, boot scooting...sorry boot scootin' country songs.

The country killed my dancefloor, not a single person. Seems that country music is only good for getting people to the bar to get drinks.

Sigh

So my people who knew it was country night, and helped me get country songs for it ended up not showing up?

You country music fans dont even want to listen to country music, it must be that bad.

A co-worker (from my real adult job) said they would have just kept playing country music, as advertised.

I like them, but I see why the dancefloor at the bar they worked at may not have lasted long. You need to adapt, as a DJ you are a slave to the dancefloor. Give it what it wants.

Me personally I like keeping a positive vibe, playing requests. Also if you shout at me from the dance floor, I am likely going to turn up the music.

Also I'll play the song, because fuck it, if you are not going to take requests you may as well just be an iPod on shuffle.

I tried to sneak in as much country as possible, however people wanted to hear the classic hip hop r&b and rap that they always want.

Ignition, 21 questions, party up, you can do it, nelly, eminem etc

But you know what, when I am allowed to run a muck. There are no requests, I get into my electronic and dance music (NOT edm, that is not dance-y and barely qualifies to be music sometimes)

Rock this party, Neils van gough, bodybangers, benny benassi. They are dancing and moving more.

It is as if those songs are perfect for high energy and positive vibes...by design.

Sigh

All music has a place, I am not much of a fan of dubstep and country but they have their place and uses. I do not know much heavy metal or hard rock, but I like what I know.

Im getting better with rap, r&b and hip-hop.

The problem is each genre of music has a tone and a feel to it, emotionally.

Blues and country (and by extension r&b somewhat) have a bit of a sad tone. It is music that is made to get out sadness, loss of a loved one, truck or dog. Loss of a job. Basically a change you don't like, even the upbeat songs sometimes have depressing lyrics to them.

I think of these genre of music and I imagine the lone musician, maybe an instrument. Sitting down, exhausted with life then singing about it, feeling better and moving on.

Rap is similar, except its very angry. You are mad about something, mad about a change or situation.
I heard once that rap is about the angst, anger, rage at the system, rage at something you can no longer change.

Think about it, its about killing, gang banging, whores drugs etc.

Rap was never meant to glorify this lifestyle, it was a reflection of the old life the musicians had or knew about and how angry they were at that life, what they did, why it happened and why it had to happen.

They sang their song, screamed it to the heavens really, took a breath then moved on.

These days with all the overlap of music you cant say that anger is excursively rap or country is exclusively sad.

Think about Taylor Swifts new album. Generally speaking I don't like her music, I can't question her talent or production quality however the fuel for her albums is pure poison.

She seems to date guys to break up with them badly, pretend that she was the victim then write about it.

The whole Kanye thing, he is another guy who perhaps is too much ego for his talent and music (like Taylor)

However blaming him for the monster you became? No Taylor. You made yourself this way, you made the decisions.

Don't get me wrong, Kanye is a self centred prick but I expect that to be changing soon. The whole going crazy mental break-down thing.

As an aside, I wonder if his self centred attitude and music was actually a cry for help and everyone missed it for about 10 years. That would suck, I hope Im wrong about that...

getting back on track, what you use to make the song, the fuel, is the kind of music that will be made.

cheating on a lover will result in a sad, self reflective and maybe angry song while a song about an awesome partner will be reflective in a sappy kind of way in a way that focues on the inspiration and not like the singer.

The genres of music I seem to dislike have a similar fuel, country seems to be all about lost lovers, dogs and broken trucks. Rap seems to be about a dislike for your old life, friends and how you got there. Taylor Swift feels nothing but poison for everyone around her and it shows in her music

I like keeping a positive vibe, high energy everyone having fun. No one picks up at the bar I DJ at, so may as well make sure they have fun.

But this speaks volumes about the location I'm in, honestly everyone got tired of fucking in high  school. Explains why there are so many unplanned pregnancies...

The bar is meant to be an escape, leave your problems outside and come in and enjoy yourself, or bring them in and get some advice from others. Either way, here for a short time your problems are not problems and I want the music and dance floor to reflect that.

You will pay for it in the morning, well all do. But you know, maybe a short time away from a problem is the best way to find a solution, because after a while you stop looking for a solution and only focus on the problem, we loose sight of the big picture.

I know I have


Monday, October 9, 2017

SWEET FUCKING SHIT [redacted]

why am I back here, on this ancient form of media?

WHY

Why am I back trying to tell guys how to pick up women better.

WHY

FUCKING

WHY

Why do people watch keys to the VIP as a tutorial and not a comedy

FUCKING

WHY

FUCK

I should start from the beginning. I wanted to go to dances, to make out with chicks however my parents wouldnt let me go to any (mom for religious reasons, dad because of moms religious reasons)

Ok, maybe too far back.

Saturday, I DJ. Again, I fucking love that job. Anyway an old DJ buddy of mine is out he always wants to hang out, but he always wants to hang out to use me as a wingman as he attempts to (poorly) pick up women.

[redacted], this blog is for you.

He thinks that he needs to go out and pick up women.
Wrong, going out for the exclusive purpose to pick up women leads to misery.

a) People do not pick up at bars the way you see on movies and TV.
- if they did more people would be going out more often and more early, as it stands no one is in a bar before 12.
b) If you are obviously out for the purpose of picking up, it makes picking up more difficult
- if you are a dude you come off as desperate and generally chicks dont dig that
- if you are a chick you come off as slutty and dudes dont chase after sluts first
c) Personally, it kills the vibe. I want positivity, fun, energy and dancing. The type of crowd (predators) who go out to pick up often kill this

He thinks that he needs to focus on multiple women.
Wrong, the more women you try to pick up the less chance you have of picking any up
a) Having options is bullshit, go all in.
-people appreciate the effort, if you dont give them the attention or effort they think they deserve then it wasnt going to happen anyway
b) Every other person you try to pick up definitely makes you look less appealing to the previous one
-the first one you try with will find you less appealing as they see you trying to pick up others.
c) It divides your focus, you get distracted and sloppy
-enough said

So therefore, here is how you try and pick up women.

Rule 1 - Do not try and pick up women
-go out for drinks, pool, dancing, socializing, fun. But do not go out to pick up

Rule 2 - Do not be afraid to take time
-It will not happen tonight, this does not mean it will not happen the next time. Do not be afraid to chat up the same girls week to week if you see them out, things will be easier if you have a rapport with them

Rule 3 - Engage the whore train at your own risk
-Women always go out in groups larger than the groups men go out in. There is an alpha, there is a mother hen, there is a buzzkill. Avoid these kinds of women

Rule 4 - Do not abandon your wingmen
-Have friends, do not ever abandon them during an engagement unless they are going in for the kill

Rule 5 - Know the staff
-If you can socialize with the bartenders, staff DJ's and they like you they can chat you up, or if nothing else will not say your a creepy rapist.

Rule 6 - Do not get drunk
- You need to stay in control of your actions, so drink responsibly

Rule 7 - Do not engage drunks
- Drunk people cant fuck worth shit and are unpredictable, go for people who are drinking responsibly

Rule 8 - Do not be afraid to dance
- enough said

Rule 9 - Do not be afraid to fuck up
- still enough said

Rule 10 - You will get shot down
- deal with it

I feel like I have said this before...no matter

To be nicer about this
Women go out in squadrons, men go out in wings.

A squadron of women (or squad) will have different types
The Alpha/Leader. this woman is the most attractive, intelligent, charming, successful. This is a difficult target, and may or may not want to be a target. You should not go after this women for a pick up, this one is wife material.

The Escort this woman is the most sober/responsible and her job is to make sure her friends have a good time and no one takes advantage of them. Generally not looking to pick up and will only shoot down if she thinks her friend is too good for the guy.

The Ace this one love shooting down men, this one is like the escort however will prevent any engagement from happening. Engage at own risk, best left for a wingman to distract while the leader goes for the primary

A wing of men also have different types
The Alpha - the lead of the group
The Lead - the one who is looking to pick up
The Wingmen - the ones who help the lead pick up

In a group of men the lead and wingmen can change as the targets change. The Alpha often is not out looking to pick up, they are the responsible one, DD and will watch as the lead and wingmen engage from the sidelines.

The Primary - the main (but not necessarily) first target of the night,
The Secondary - the back up and/or targets the wingmen go after to allow the lead to get the primary
The Tertiary - the target for the alpha if the wigmen are otherwise engaged.

If the lead is allowed to engage anything other than the primary then the chances of them successful engaging are dropped significantly.

Women will often use swarm tactics, as a result it can be difficult to determine who their primary is and who their lead is. This is what wingmen are for, wingmen are not out to pick up, they are out to make sure the lead can, the wingmen/wingman pulls the swarm from his lead in theory only leaving him and their lead. If not then it becomes the lady lead, an escort and an ace with maybe a 4th, much better odds and much easier for the guy to figure out.

You will not have a successful engagement if it is  < 3 on 1.

Fun fact: women generally go out in groups that out number male groups by a factor of 4.
Another fun fact: This does not mean there are generally 4 women for each man, in practice it is more like 1.5 women to each man.

Men use divide and conquer tactics, they try to isolate the primary target which is good and bad.
If she isnt down, then this comes across as creepy and/or the ace or escort will come in and shoot down the man.

No confirmed kills for anyone today

So gents, if you isolate the primary and she seems a bit uncomfortable then disengage. Try her again another week, move on to another target doesnt matter but that one will not be happening tonight.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Types of Crowd

Pop, Rap and Country

basically energetic, salty and trendy. That is, generally speaking the 3 types of crowds you will have to DJ for.

Energetic crowds, just about anything goes, keep the bass pumping and play some old pop standards, some cheesy shit. This crowd you really need to look at the age of them, play songs from their adolescence. Easy to play for, fun to play for. All crowds should be energetic. More girls than guys

Salty crowds, they want to hear shit music, music that is hard to dance to and kinda kills the mood. Really angry/angsty stuff. Think not awesome lincoln park and rap. This is a crowd of wall flowers and will heckle you, play better music and the like. Take their requests and try to find a patter, but be warned you will fuck up, they will not like it. This crowd is out trying to pick up women. Hard to play for, not fun to pay for, generally speaking more males than females.

Trendy crowds, this crowd is like an energetic crowd but they prefer trendy music, not popular music. So they will ask for obscure old songs, one hit wonders sort of things. They will ask for old trendy, good rap, they will want to hear a lot of last years top 40. This crowd can be annoying just because of the variance in what they want to hear. Generally speaking they do not want to hear much electro/dance stuff. They like old rap, new country and last years top 40. Can be easy or hard to play for, and fun or not. Equal number of ladies to gents.

Then there are the people who go out.

Boozers, Predators and Dancers.

Boozers are there just to drink, opportunistic to dancing and picking up women but are generally just wall flowers, pool sharks. They will start clearing out at last call and be there  before you start. They usually complain about the music but make no requests.

Predators are there to pick up people, for sex. They show up late and leave after closing. They don't drink much at the bar (usually heavy predrinking) They are wall flowers until the see someone they want to fuck then they go nuts (usually poorly) on the dance floor. Their skill comes from their charm and charisma, that is why they leave late, they are chatting up some people as the finish their drinks on the way out. These ones will make silly requests thinking it will help them seal the deal

Dancers are there to dance, may or may not predrink, but they will usually grab a drink, dance, get bored grab another drink dance etc. They can leave super early or stay until your last song. They request reasonable songs, and will often ask for the same one week in and week out.

Then there is wall flowers and pool sharks, these ones don't drink there are just there to hang out, shoot pool or play the vlts. If they start drinking they will become one of the top 3 types of patron

Your energetic crowd is likely to be more dancers, some predators and few boozers.
Your salty crowd is likely to be mostly predators and boozers with few dancers.
Your trendy crowd is going to be an equal mix of predators, dancers and boozers.

A crowd is going to behave in a way that makes sense regarding the dominant type of personality. A salty crowd is salty because there are alot of people there looking to just pick up and have a good time, pro tip, picking up women like you see in movies and tv shows is much more difficult than it seems and not nearly as spontaneous as it seems.

Example. when I was a pilot in Fredericton. I give not enough fucks about that place to protect the identities of my former coworkers one of the guys, rampage would go out and pick up women. Two things to note about this
The first time they were picked up, there was some serious making out, maybe some heavy stroking on the dance floor but they did not go home together.
The other thing to note is if they DID go home together they were likely talking over tinder or had some knowledge of each other before.

So all you guys who go out, hope to meet some babe and fuck her brains out, I'm sorry that's not likely to happen.

What will guarantee that is going out, meeting some babe and NOT coming off as a creep and exchanging phone numbers and flirty texts. If you play hard and correctly 2 saturdays out you will be fucking her.

They are salty because they want to pick up, cant or fail to and then blame the DJ. They don't buy many drinks.

An energetic crowd has a lot of dancers
Protip: watch how a girl dances, the hotter the dancer the better the fucker.
This crowd is just happy and energetic, Keep them happy keep them dancing. They buy a fair amount of drinks.

A trendy crowd depends on who is there, if there is more people looking to hook up or pool sharks, its hard and not fun. If its a bunch of boozers or wall flowers its pretty easy but not as fun. If its more dancers then its easy and fun. Because of the types of patrons this crowd can be like an energetic crowd or like a salty crowd, and it can change quickly. It is the MOST important to take requests from this crowd.

Now notice that I have said hot dancer, and not really gotten into the physical attractiveness of people.
I've seen fucking models be the best dancer out there, I've also seen them be wall flowers and have had (confirmed information from a boyfriend) they they were fucking awful in bed.

How hot someone looks outside the dance floor can certainly make sex enjoyable, but how the move on the dance floor is what will make it pleasurable.

Of the women I have had sex with the ones I have had the most fun fucking have been ones who are the most fun to look at while dancing, it helped that they were at least medium levels of hot.

One girl...I will call her the amazon, because she is built like one, she isn't a tiny skinny model, she was good in bed and good on the dance floor, so your hotness has nothing to do with how well you fuck, its your confidence.

That is why hot dancers are good fuckers, they have more confidence, to move like that and know you are looking great, or not care and know how to do it in a way that wont hurt yourself. Huge confidence, and it boosts your confidence the more you try and are successful, its a beautiful circle of you dance better, are more confident so you dance better etc

People who want to pick up are likely not confident in their dancing ability, because if they were a) they would dance more which leads to b) they would pick up more which leads to c) they would not be predators. These are boozers, they either eventually become a predator or a dancer.

Boozers are likely the worst at sex of the 3 (not saying they are bad, but they are not likely as good as predators or dancers, because if they were they would be a predator or dancer)

Predators are decent at the fuck, decent enough that they want more of it and confident enough that they can woo a dancer, but not confident enough to be a dancer.

If a persons confidence changes, that affects if they are a boozer dancer or predator


Surviving the Night - Week 3

I really need to remember to do this as soon as I get home

Holy fuck was that a fun crowd,

if I havent said it before at the bar I DJ there are generally 3 types of crowds.

Pop, Rap and Country

Many different types of dancers, women, men etc but I will go into that in another post.

That night was a pop crowd, which means GOOD rap, GOOD old pop/dance (think late 90's early 2000s) and the odd electro/regge

AND THEY LOVE IT

holy fuck

First of all, the lady with the sproinky tits was there. I dont know why hers are so well shapen and bouncy

but its wonderful watching her dance and run across my dance floor.

I dont think she had a bra on

now that I think about it there was alot of not bras that night, and glasses. two things I really enjoy

The crowd picked up, my floor got packed to the point where few people were buying drinks and playing pool, they just had a real positive energy to them

Much better than the rap crowd I had last week

I got shivers when my mixes worked and they went nuts. I cant remember the last time that happened

I want to DJ better than this every week I go

also girl to guy ratio of about 15:1 at one point. Now thats what Im talking about

Saw several familiar faces, thank fuck

and I saw you, the one who sent her friend up to make requests, you are allowed to come up and make requests

Just dont give me "hey generic asshole, remember me?" shit. I will shoot you down. Of course I remember you, I remember most things. Its enough to want a self induced lobotomy sometimes

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Surviving the night, weeks 1 and 2

Week 1 - Its been a while

Im getting back into DJing, and this week back I have the mostly pop crowd with a little country. It was a fun night.

Women asked for benassi, I dont know who you are but I love you
MILF asked for country, however her milfness is questionable since she is younger than me, she asked for before he cheats.

Funny song, she gets knocked up, stops putting out and her relationship fails.

THERE IS BIRTH CONTROL. USE IT.

It was actually a very fun, kinda small crowd.

Week 2 - Fuck

This week was less fun than the last, and there was more people out. The problem: it was the rap crowd.

There was one girl, in white, plunging neck line, great breasts.

I was training a spare DJ, he and I have similar senses of humour and tastes in women.

Then the dudes start asking for rap, and at first its good but the more I play rap I realize that if you are a guy asking for rap because you like it, you are likely full of poison and dont really like rap.

Fuck off, I know better. Never take requests from dudes, but I am ethically obligated to play all requests as best as I can.

So Im teaching the new guy good habits, cue up your song make sure its correct and decent quality, immediately have your next song ready as soon as one starts incase something goes fucky. Play with your high/mid/low to prevent peaking and get best sound quality, reset after every song. You know, good DJ etiquette.

Hopefully next week there is a little less rap and more opportunity for mix, and also hot women with great breasts.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Getting back into the game

I dont even want to talk about this really, I think Ive covered it before. Mixed signals

These last 2 have happened to me, maybe Im being to forward.

Fuck it, I sucked on the toe of one of my classmates in flight college on a half dare, they didnt think I would do it.

Example 1: Tinder, fantastic app.

Fuck that app, every bitch is looking for prince charming.

YOU LITERALLY DECIDED TO SWYPE BASED ON HOW HOT A PERSON IS

make a half hearted effort to get to know them or just have a entertaining conversasion

my experience shows number 2 is less awkward

the conversation went something like this

dick: talking to random strangers is hard
vagina: depends on the person
dick: true, but texting doesnt make it any easier
vagina: give me your phone number, and we'll talk (clearly a joke)
dick: here it is (she didnt know I was joking)

full disclosure: I had no plan to text this chick, unless she was dtf or sent nudes. I expect nothing out of anything from tinder, guess thats why Im still there (mostly) not salty

this one though, fuck sakes.

Sarcasm and humour dont come across well via text. She didnt know that I figured she was joking, and clearly didnt know that I was also joking

In a real world, voice situation you would have had tone and body language to figure it out

make a wager if you will what she was holding,

me, Im an all in kind of guy or am now. I used to be, before I was diluted by serious relationships and encouraged to have a plan b.

right, dont get side tracked

Example 2

full disclosure (you know who you are) I HAD NO INTENTION OF SLEEPING WITH YOUR SISTER

I WAS BEING FORWARD TO GET HER TO FUCK OFF FROM LIKING ALL MY SHIT, IT WAS KINDA CREEPY

to self: you really do attract/go after the mentally unsound ones dont you? you fucking taste in women is abysmal

to older brother: I know your harder than you look, I know what you used to do but dont try and act tough and threatening to me man. I know you, also Ive been threatened by larger and more dangerous men, long story but morale is dont go to parties on the reserve

Her boyfriend, of a long time, the last one, the one she was supposed to marry left her.

Girl I may not show it, but I know exactly how you feel

Shes not in a good way, at all. It sounds like she has some other things to deal with

SO

She kinda implied that if I was going to stay at my buddys place when she was there we would be roomies.

no.

all the nope.

IF I WANT TO WANK, I DONT WANT YOU TO BE AN AUDIENCE

full disclosure: I did not wank in your spare bed

then she turns it up

I should visit her in montreal

WTF WE MET ONCE, we kinda got along well because I got along with her brother well, for the most part minus one exception. You were right, that being said ontario drivers scare the fuck out of me, how can they be so dangers at slower speeds?

Maybe I misread what she said, it kinda implied that i should sleep with her

WHAT IN THE SWEET FUCK

mind you I dont mind, she meets the minimum standard of hot I put out for all women, she however EXCEEDS THE CRAZY

I couldnt handle that one, plus shes like 8 inches taller than me

so, I start flirting and teasing her a bit

she gets creeped out and texts my buddies wife.

Your not going to embarrass me. Ive made a bigger fool of myself doing dumber things (see flight instructor)

either way, SHE STARTED IT MOM!

I think she has fucked off, hell I dont know I may have restricted her on facebook

You know I dont mind playful flirting, or conversation but quit liking the misogynistic douche fuck shit I put on facebook

ok

I feel better now that I got that off my chest, you know I should listen to the old, crusty, pilots

Disregard females, acquire air time. In other words, fuck bitches and fly.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Old Voyager

So I'm watching an old episode of Voyager. The one where seven returns to the Borg. And Naomi Wildman goes to see the captain with a plan to find and rescue seven.

She's kinda like Westley, growing up on a starship but she's better than Westley. Voyager is far from home and resupply so the engineers and scientists aboard need to be smart with with they have.

And it struck me, she's going to be one of the best Starfleet officers ever.

Her skill and intelligence comes from experience and creativity, where Westley's came from being a prodigy.

She idolizes seven of nine, she's going to be smart like her, she idolizes Captain Janeway because why not.

In Star trek timelines she's an engineer and diplomat (from that one episode in the future where Janeway and Chakotay meet future Naomi and Icheb)

It makes sense, she was born and raised in the Delta quadrant on Voyager.

Maybe she isn't the captain, but you would be hard pressed to find a better first officer.