Sunday, April 29, 2018

Surviving Saturday?

I dont even

Why am I awake, what is my life?

I loved this set, I was a bit more engaging with the (few) dancers that came out tonight

You know what, if they all would coordinate and just show up on the same weekend once a month and make it a fucking zoo, that would be great.

There was a woman, fake yellow hair, caked on make up.

My penis got hard, however I did not trust that she did not have a cock. Spoiler alert, 2 kids. Apparently MILF status confirmed.


I watch too much Lisa Ann...

They liked boy bands and old rap.

Surprise, surprise...however I enjoyed the set more and it did have 100% more backstreet boys and n'sync.

More of that in the future methinks

I think my set last weekend really put me off all week, I feel much better about this one. Now I am awake, bored, and just had the longest fucking piss ever. Ive been holding it in since midnight, and it was 2:30 when bladder was relieved.

Guess thats where flying and djing overlaps...bladder and bowel discipline.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Real Talk

Hello guys, Mark here

The guy behind these rants, I'm going to take a different tone with this one in light of the recent events in Toronto.

Here is some background information

Incel - Involuntary Celibate someone who cant seem to get laid, more on that later.

The attack: Young street, Toronto ON, Canada. I dont know the details but I feel like this guy tried to use the sidewalk like a street, grand theft auto style for lack of a better way to put it.

Why: I saw this post online
"Facebook has confirmed the Incel message by the 25 year-old responsible for the attack in Toronto is real. A sick individual radicalized on 4chan by the grievance culture that incubates hate speech and misogyny.", and it triggered me. It was someone shit talking 4chan who didnt go on it and didnt quite understand the culture and thats what this rant will be about.

That is what got me. 4chan does not incubate hate speech and misogyny any more than Islam does.
4chan is many things, most negative but this facebook page seems to forget one thing, the website that fought hardest for net neutrality was 4chan, perhaps for the wrong reasons but that aside. You enjoy facebook, twitter, reddit etc as they are right now because 4chan fought for it. There are other posts suggesting holding accountability to 4chan. I agree, however if you start censoring the one site that fought for net neutrality goodbye freedoms and animinity on the internet.

Im getting off track.

We are who we choose to be, and who we hang out with affects who we are. The fact that this individual was 'radicalized' by 4chan should hold little weight, like someone 'radicalized' by religion.

It was not the website or the religion that changed the person, it was the people they chose to associate with.

As I mentioned 4chan fought for net neutrality, there are intelligent good people on that website. However there are others, not good. Places where morally speaking I avoid and legally speaking I avoid harder. 

You need to go looking for these places on the internet, you can find them on 4chan, but you can also find them on twitter, reddit, facebook, blogger. 

He made a choice

Like everyone else in these dark places made a choice, and unfortunately all they are good for is brainwashing each other with hate.

It is like blaming a vehicle for a murder and not the driver, the vehicle is no more responsible for the actions of the man than 4chan is.

What makes me worried about this is I have an old acquaintance. I can hardly call him a friend, we never hang out I never want to hang out with him.

All he wants to do is play poker and pick up girls, every message from him is about picking up chicks or asking me if I know girls he can hang out with etc.

I feel bad, because I don't want to hang out with him because I feel it may have a negative impact on my image, and as a DJ I want people to come to the bar I work at and feel safe and comfortable and hanging out with him, I worry, could have an negative influence on that.

Now I wonder if I could make a difference with him, maybe be a positive influence and get him off this path of foolishly, blindingly chasing women. 

I wonder if this is how that guy in Toronto started out before he filled his head with poison and hate.

I guess what I am saying is we need to hold the individual accountable but also each other accountable. 

I am not saying that maybe someone should have just slept with him, Im saying we need to look out for each other, like it or not we have to share this planet. We are all in this together.

Will this make me change the rant and blind hatred style that this blog sometimes devolves into? No.

This has only ever been for one person: me. I exaggerate, I get angry and I shame things that piss me the fuck off, it helps clear my head, there have been some who get mad at me for how and what I write, and because they were sleeping with me at the time I appeased them.

That was wrong, this is kind of the other side of this Incel problem, people who do what they have to to get laid, or maybe more romantically, they do what they feel they have to do to appease their partner.

There is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes you need to do something that is just for you and its taken me a long time to see this. 

There is more to life than getting laid, and TBH not that I have perfectly clear memory of how any of my former partners fucked, my hand is doing just fine on its own.

To the incels: nothing wrong with not getting laid, everyone has dry spells. Look after yourself first and when you are happy with you then you can worry about trying to please someone else, and in my experience when you are in a good place its going to be better for both parties.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Man I really dropped the ball on that one

Sigh, I wish I could just leave all my frustrations, grievances and bullshit on my mind at the door when I DJ

I survived another Saturday, weird crowd. A bunch of people there with their not significant others and no body was getting laid.

Some awful requests,

Shoop, again, surprise surprise. Lady every time you show up and walk up to my booth I almost always immediately cue up shoop, but please let me play other salt n pepa.

Fucking deadpool ruined that song for me, also careless whisper, not that I had much love for that song anyway.

Humpty dance? I could do it. I played souja boi and lincin park.

I should have been lynched really

Anyway, some medium attractive bitches wanted to hear tip toe, honestly I wasnt feeling it. I was having more fun at you know, not 108bpm.

Mistake #1

I decided to keep it faster and more fun

Mistake #2

I put on my headphones and ignored them as they shouted at me from the floor

in my defence, thats fucking obnoxious. And comming from the most obnoxious person I know, thats pretty fucking bad. You are not hot enough, fun enough or naked enough to make me think you are not behaving like a cunt.

Christ I see why all the DJs I know hate DJing, kinda like most of the pilots I know dislike flying. I was spoiled at my buddies bar last weekend, more attractive and more fun people in that crowd.

But I should have indulged her, but the fuck woman. IF YOU GAVE ME ROUGHLY 3 MINUTES I WOULD HAVE PLAYED YOUR SONG

what the fuck is it with white women, who think their song has any more priority than anyone else's

specifically white women, the phrase is white girl wasted.

Lady there is other requests, and I dont want to play yours, but let me finish up this fast stuff before you drag my tempo down to the one foot of FUCKING MOLASSES RANGE

Actually there is a hierarchy of requests

1) People I like will pretty much be allowed to get away with anything
2) Songs that are fun (but I may not like playing, souja boi, cha cha slide, bubblegum pop etc)
3) Songs I like
4) Your shitty, drunken request

So, the lady who always asks for black music, and the guy who always asks for black music (but throws shade my way anyway when its closing time) I like them, they show up order a drink and give me a list of requests, fuck yeah I'll try and get them on.

You know what, I'll give you a list of things that make you awesome at a bar, according to a DJ

1) Pay cover
2) Buy Drinks
3) Tip Bartenders
4a) Make requests while sober
4b) Dont be a dick about making requests if you are no longer sober
5) Dance
6) Repeat weekly or bi-weekly

The fact that I need to specify 1 and 3 kills me inside

Now, I look forward to DJing, despite the fact that every once in a while there is a drunken woman who is a buzz kill and the fact that one of the bartenders thinks I need a life if I enjoy DJing here.

Fuck sakes, I wonder if thats the problem, I work in a bar where everyone else would rather be doing something else. If nothing else, the poison is getting to me and maybe me doing this every weekend is actually the worst thing ever.

I hope not, but things in my personal life, that bartender and that one woman kinda brought me down a bit and I think it showed in my set

I never say no, except to linkin park usually. The other guy doesnt DJ, he plays a premade set and Im told he just disappears for minutes at a time. He doesnt want to be there.

What is killing this for me is people who show up dont notice or give a fuck if its me spinning my balls of or him pushing play on an hour and a half set.

I see why he stopped giving a fuck

Sunday, April 15, 2018



you know what that means?


christ I have no life

I never thought I would say this about his town, I mean my dad grew up there but

anyway, its way more fun than this place, and it has no reason being as such

well it does have a few more post secondary schools, but fucking hell there were a pair of twins out who looked like they could pass as 14?


But it also had:

Lady in red pants, excellent ass. I was hoping her friends could keep her facing away from us all night, medium out of 10 success on that.

There was a lady in a light top and dark bottoms. Perfect breasts

as a connoisseur of breasts I know quality, and those were excellent

oh, btw the twins one and or both of them had the same boyfriend and he just kept bouncing between the both of them.

You are living the dream man

Lady in leather pants, bold. We liked it.

It was fun, they were loud energetic, and not looking to hook up.

I think thats the problem with this town, everyone is kinda greedy. Its why I didnt buy a car here

Its why all its businesses fail

Its why it looses all potential business deals

not only financially greedy, but sexually greedy

FIRST and I have mentioned this before

men for whatever reason dont use condoms

"It feels like showering with your socks on"

well, [redacted]

that was mean, I had to take that one out. Speaking as a former swimmer and sort of life guard (had the training, never did the job) we have worn much clothes in the water it isnt the discomfort that is the problem, it makes swimming hard. Good for training I guess


all the sluts in town

a) are not on birth control (waaah it gives me acne and my exema or however you spell it acts up waaaah hormonal etc etc etc etc)

I have refused sex with women before because they werent on birth control. I always use condoms, why


sorry to my former co-workers, I just feel you are terribly irresponsible for practicing unsafe sex with a woman you have no intention of marrying and or being in a long and meaningful relationship with

b) these same sluts do not believe in abortions or morning after pills (waaaaah its taking a life)


yes, accidents happen however the risk can be mitigated by being smart




inhale, again

all this to say they had more fun because they went out not expecting/wanting to get laid.

They pay almost double the cover that we charge, their drinks are roughly the same price.

Its totally the people around here, there just isnt enough quality human beings. Maybe Im saying it because I grew up here, but I have seen other small towns, been to other shit places (fuck you Fredericton)

and it will never matter what I play or how good I play it so Im going to keep doing what I do. Take requests, be fun and engaging and try my best to keep this negativity out of my work

there may be other factors too, the nearest city is about 45 minutes from here, 20 minutes to the next university town where as my buddies spot has one or two colleges in it and is about an hour to the next city

but based on the people who refuse to pay cover even though i mix my ass off for them
play their shitty requests
and generally just dont show up that frequently

lets say I understand why my friend said that this is killing DJing for him, the difference being I will not let that happen to me.

Ive had shit jobs, and shit bosses for the career I want out of life. They have not and will not ruin flying for me

here at this bar the staff are awesome and fun.

I have had two different managers who are easily the best (and most attractive) people I have worked for

There is some regulars who come in, and ask for the same songs but they are energetic and excellent dancers and hella fun

as much as I gripe that crazy busy nights dont happen often enough that is my happy place and Im looking forward to next weekend, busy or not.

Djing is always going to be fun, and always going to be a great hobby

Friday, April 13, 2018

surviving (another) saturday

tl:dr my partner had a bit of a spell and for the time being it is only me DJing

good thing too, this is literally the only thing keeping me from going crazy because Im not a real pilot yet.

I dont even remember the last two saturdays

wait, yes I do. Started with Easter.

I volunteer at a church in town, running sound, what do you expect? Anyway, to the Catholics easter is kind of a big deal, so they had a service which was just shy 3 hours. I was there from about 7:30 to after 10.

I grabbed a chocolate bar and dr. pepper and ran right to the bar and started getting ready for my set. May as well I live about 10 minutes outside of town, be kind of a waste to drive all the way back.

So it was a weird night, not really busy but sort of steady?

People came in, danced a little, drank once and if they stayed they shot pool and if not they left.

Same thing happened last weekend actually.

I have come to the conclusion that is not likely me. I play all requests I can (provided I have the song and time)

Im engaging and fun, because you know representing the bar and all that shit

I know this is an awkward time of year for not university towns, things will likely pick up come summer time but Im starting to think the people around here dont want to come to a dance bar often.

Sure, I have the regulars, the slim black lady I will learn your name I promise you are always fun.

Your friend, who always asks for necessary evil you are always fun

Teasing the ex (you know who you are) you are also always fun




I know people by what song they requests

hey, your the girlfriend of the guy who keeps asking for lincoln park (jokingly) you piss me off and make me laugh at the same time, keep it up

HEY, you asked for partition, I have it now. That song is pretty much a porn

Ahh slim black lady, one of the 5 black people in this town. Its alright, Im one of the 4 first nations around...

Christ the east coast really IS white

You always ask for 90's (good) r&b, hip hop and rap.

I mean that was the time of the west/east rivalry which actually got musicians killed so the music better be fucking dope

But I am getting tired of salt n pepa. I never thought I would say that, how about I mix it up with a little TLC next time?

Ahh former cadets. You ask for former cadet dance songs, 90s/00s dance you know REAL electronica and ignition.

I had a crush on your older sister, thought she was out of my league then and I was shy as fuck when I was 14

and tomorrow is another saturday, and I will pray to the DJ gods what I pray for every week.

Fun and safety for those who go out, and my bar to be a god damned zoo.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

surviving (more) saturdays

Ever have a set where you just feel off about it,

like no matter what you try, what request you play it feels like the exact opposite song you should play at that moment?

That was my set two weeks ago

It didnt help that I had a drunk cunt, come up and complain about not playing her requests.

She never left one, she did this 2 or 3 times.

Then when a song someone else requested came up, she gave me the arms up kinda 'this is what im talking about, this is my request' flail.

This blog may soon become me shaming drunk white girls, specifically of that race.

The term white girl wasted is a thing after all...

Dont get me started on the cringey, semi ballroom dancing my friend and his lady were doing





(half kidding, I love you man)

but seriously 3 out of those 4 were what was going through my mind.

Not that I dislike formal, ballroom dancing but swing dancing kinda became awkward and cringy after seeing who was involved in my old university.

When they thought swing, they thought couples first

[insert shudders here]




getting back on track, so two weeks in a row, I had one person talk to me each night that basically ruined it for me.

Yes I know you cant please everyone

Yes I know I shouldnt let that shit bother me

but I do this for fun, I do this to relieve stress. For whatever reason it does

You know what though?


Downside: saw two people I know, Kat and Marson. Kat came up and did they hey [omg i know you] HEY! thing

downside: she didnt have a bra on, her breasts were not as good looking as I remember

upside: she has generally gotten more attractive? I cant say that often about people I knew in high school

Marson, fuck sakes the guy is like 7 feet tall now. I remember him when he was 2'3" and learning to swim.

His old man was the teacher who was in charge of the school DJ group, and according to marsons older brother takes great pride (and credit) that I am still plugging away at this.

Really, it was about half a dozen guys who I learned from

Legere, some big guy up the road who said to me on the bus "you should join"
mootry and simmons who taught me initally
chris, chris and I forget the 3rd DJs name from mta who helped me refine the craft

along the way I worked with some fun guys

Nick, Korey, Jon, Ian, other Jon, Matt, Will, Brad, Dave

and to lesser extents

Ben, Zac, Dylan, Brandon

bet you guys didnt think I remember all of your names :p also for this post only fuck hiding names.

If you read this and know me irl, you know who these guys are and if you dont, you wont either way it doesnt really matter.


last night, I had inspiration. Many exceptional looking ladies, thank fuck.

and a couple whose tits were falling out of the sides of their sort of shirt. I should really check those photos before uploading to facebook

oh well

One, sounded like a francophone lady. And those who know me know I have a particular weakeness for the french.

So shes speaking broken english, then trying to speak spanish to me. While drunk. At a loud bar.

Lady im pretty fluid in drunken chick, but I am not that good. I think she was marsons lady, if not they seemed that way.

If you werent plowing here like a snow filled road last night man, I am medium dissapointed in you. 

It was 93 night, which the put the kibosh to about 3 songs in. Every once in a while I would try and put on an oldie.

But when I did it literally murdered my dance floor.

These kids thought 'classics' and '90s' music were things like moulin rouge (that one with xtina, pink etc)

I dont have the hear to tell them that those are 2000s not 90s songs.

I feel like they may be having a quarter life crisis, realzing that they are in their mid 20s

Poor kids, I guess if you plan on not living forever age scares you. Not me of course, Im living forever, I dont care about getting older or dieing since neither are going to happen.

"I thought it was 90s night"

no, its 93

"This isnt 90s music"

I know, no one wants to hear it

"[requests a no 90s song]"

thats not 90s either


this has become shaming drunk white females: the blog. Sigh

some of them must think they are hot shit,

well they are half right

that aside, it was a fun crowd, because yes they all chirped me about the 90s, but they didnt want to hear that much 90s.

Like, fun 90s music started around the bubblegum pop in the late 90s which was mostly an early 2000s thing anyway or old 80s hiphop which was mostly an 80s thing anway.

The 90s were weird, good tv but music couldnt decide if it wanted to be nostalgic and good, or new and different.

It made for completely different tones, and oddly old and unheard of musicians charting at the same time.

ie: meatloaf was relevant, however haddaway was just starting to be a thing. meat load was 70s glam rock ballad, haddaway was pseudo electionic, dance kinda 80s sounding synth stuff.

I ended on heart shaped box by nirvana, good tune. Probably wont play it again.

I got to play tom petty, that smell and informer. It was a weird but really fun set.

Also, Kat (possibly a lesbian now

I like that kind of music, but it wouldnt fly here...crazy bitch may


I hate using remixes mostly, people come out to hear music they way its on the radio and on their phones.


but they would like to hear it normal most of the time.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Surviving Saturday

ok, I have some salt and grievances to air out about tonight

here we go

If I am too loud, just tell me. No need to be a dick about

No bartender you do not say this about me every week.
This is the second time

Next time you are on I will play some quiet jazz


fuck sakes, you know the type. The guys who have 'seniority' they act like bosses, they like giving orders but not being responsible.

Thats this guy, and until tonight I thought things were good

Should I talk to my manager about it? Nah, not worth it

Last time I tried talking to supervisors about shit like this I was pulled off the flight line on my last job, so I guess I'll just have to suck it up and take comfort in the fact that pricks at work are rarely punished.


not really much of a grievance really but I had two muses tonight

like two women who didnt make me want to be out there dancing with them but made me want to dj better, and they were easy to read it make choosing music much better

and by their own choice, they never pick up people at the bar, I kinda admire that strength of will however one of them tends to lead guys on, then proceeds to shoot them down at the end of the night gloriously.

In my experience if a guy makes a move like that and is shot down, he is unlikely to try again while sober, too nervous at that point

Simple solution: dont try to pick up fellas, but thats a blog for another time, that I feel I have written about ad nauseam.

And not only that but this one tends to be a mother hen! I mean granted, it was probably good she shot down the guy for her friend...because I think her friend is in a serious/long term/exclusive whatever the fuck you want to call it relationship

that one said she misses my friends dick

oh, btw, there are people here who I have been djing for, for 13 years. Since I first stared in high school.

Ive come a long way since then in terms of music taste, intuition and skill

however I have been asked to play the same songs for 13 years.

Rock this party still comes on
California dreaming was requested
Salt n pepa
you can do it

I try to have a different set every time I play however certain songs often come up, and last night was the weirdest set Ive done.

It was the poppiest?

I planned on starting with classic rock, I had about a dozen wall flowers, drinking, watching the olympics and shooting pool.

It was slow rock, back in black 93bpm and something possessed me
I started getting faster

as I got faster people came in, surprisingly older people. It was kinda a cougar crowd.

they asked for the biebez, sheeran and bruno.

I can do that

Then came the 90's stuff

then ACDC?

then someone asked for the remix of california dreaming


I love this woman, one from high school...didn't recognize her

I thought she was a blond, and taller/slim build...

Either I remember nothing

or I am going crazy because I am passing through multiple universes

either way, I ended up not finishing on a slow song. Not my style, but there was not many couples to speak of

One girl, fantastic breasts was making out with a guy in a touque, they didnt go home together.

I have a feeling that may be from the mother hen I mentioned earlier, but I dont know.

That being said, the guy she shot down was pretty belligerently drunk

One of the bouncers almost got pushy, he has a hell of a lot of patience. I was waiting for him to yell "roundhouse" and watch him go all road house on someone

then the end of the night "im too loud"

I cant read this guy well, so I dont know if he is screwing with me...I get the feeling that he isnt and I shouldnt take him seriously. Oh well

lesson: fuck off fast, I need to stop lingering after the night. a) your co workers cant piss you off if you have already left
b) you dont need to hear the incoherent babbling of the patrons

sigh he was right though, I did get a little out of hand.

Last time this happened, they staff had to tell me to turn it up for months...Its been a while since I fucked up, that was the guy to call me out on it too. I shouldnt hate him, hes keeping me considerate and in line.

But he is still a prick about it