Tuesday, August 25, 2015

be honest

You know, lately Ive had a lot (probably too much) time to think and really focus on what bugs me. What one thing bugs me more than anything else.

No, its not women.
No, its not women who cant fuck.
Its not lying, cheating, death, incompetence, failure or bad luck.

Its the general cowardice of people. Im guilty of this too. What I mean by the cowardice of people is their general cowardice on telling people what they think/want.

How many times in your life would things have gone much easier if people just told you what they expected you to do or expected out of you?

Like a professor, like a boss they give you a task and you do it. Sometimes people are afraid to tell this because what if you say no, what if they are wrong ect ect ect

Its not really lying, it could be, but thats not the problem.

EXAMPLE

In the work place, the company I used to work for forgot to tell me that they kinda fired me. No they did not call, e-mail or snail mail me anything. No they never used the word terminated, fired, laid off, released.

They just said that at this time they had nothing for me.

Thats all they said, and I assumed (haha, I know Ass of U and Me) that this was a temporary problem and would be sorted out eventually.

They knew otherwise because they were expecting me to return my secure area pass. They told the powers at be that I would be returning my secure area pass soon.

AND FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS THEY DID NOT SAY ANYTHING TO ME.

Until the powers at be sent them an e-mail, causing a bit of a scramble and me almost loosing my patience with them. All they had to do was send me an e-mail telling me they wanted me to return my secure area pass. That mini heart attack that I put the person on the other end of the phone through could have been avoided. I know you were stressed, I could hear it in your voice.

You could have told me.

As for relationships and women. I know certain females have probably expected me to stick around in the wings for them for when their current attempt at an 'adult relationship' goes tits up.

I will not name names.

These women generally did not tell me what they expected out of the relationship or a sudden change such as, oh I dont know, Im actually in a serious relationship now, we should not act the way we used to.

I will not name names.

You know girls, if you were afraid of hurting me or wanting to let me down easy your fucking awful at reading people.

Do you not think, for a second, that if I was actually interested in you, in that way I would have asked you out, or spoke about an alteration to our friends with benefits.

I will not name names.

Half you ladies were cheating on your boyfriend with me. There is literally no way in hell I would ever consider a serious relationship with you, but to your credit you were hot and decent in bed. I just needed you to get my kill count up. The other half, well they were the ones who wanted sex from someone else.

I will not name names.

So no, Im not hurt you have a boyfriend now. I dont miss the sex that much I have had better plus I can get the job done with the internet and my hands at night. No, Im pissed off that you couldnt be bothered to tell me what you were expecting from me.

I have cheated and fucked up just about every relationship I have attempted. However I ALWAYS MADE IT CLEAR WHAT I WAS EXPECTING OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

I know some girls would disagree with me, fortunately they either dont know this blog exist or are smart enough that they avoid it.

There were some girls who were obviously completely in love with me. I didnt love them back, couldnt trust them. I made it clear to those girls that, at this time, that sort of relationship with them was something I would avoid, atleast until they proved they could be trusted.

Spoiler alert: those types of girls cant be, but if I can change I suppose they could.

There were girls who I was interested in something serious, and they never gave me an indication one way or another.

There were some girls I only wanted for sex. And every fiber of my being wanted them to be awesome in and out of bed because they were so fucking hot. On an unrelated note the girls that come to mind in this case were either abysmal at the fuck or so abysmally bad people that I was no longer sexually attracted to them.

Its really, really, really hard to tell a girl that your breaking up with her because she doesnt make you hard anymore.

And as for the times I have cheated sometimes it came back to a lack of communication. Generally from the girl of what was expected of the relationship. I didnt think we were serious or she was that interested, oh well, onto the next one.

There was totally times because I fucking felt like it.

As for girls cheating on me? I brought it on myself. My taste in women has generally been appalling and I should have thought with my head not my cawk in matters of the heart.

In matters of the fuck always go with your cock.



Things have come full circle

an old DJ I trained in high school gave me some training about a month ago and I am to replace him as he is moving away and can no longer DJ at this spot, truth be told I get the feeling that he was getting kinda tired of it. Its a hit or a miss in terms of fun, last night for example there was 12 girls I saw, maybe 20 max and at least twice as many guys.

Interestingly enough there did not appear to be that many couples, go figure.

So generally speaking my dance floor was made up of the same 7 girls.

Thank fuck one of them is still hot (but I have known this one forever, we went to school together, she is a rare example of a girl who never got less hot)

But, the new manager is still probably the hottest girl there...sigh.

Actually, in terms of technique, I was quite pleased with how I was doing, one slight hiccup. I got distracted talking to an old buddy of mine (another DJ from high school actually). I was quite proud with how I was mixing the rap as well, I dont think I will be able to do it that well again.

I do wish people would tell me what they want to hear, but generally speaking there seems to be regularly requested songs for the summer of 2015.

Albatroz
Uptown Funk
Cheerleader
Party Up - DMX (yes, really.)

Songs that appear to work (including those above)
TGIF (yes, really.)
Trouble
Shake Dat


fuck

thats all I can remember from last night. Wish the recording software on VDJ would record the stuff we do on the controller.

But one of the bouncers said he actually did like my mix that night, so did the manager.
Even if they are just being polite, its my second solo gig there

IM NOT FUCKING UP

But its weird because I actually feel like Im better than I was in university (when I was probably my best) Im taking bigger risks with songs and rarely cheats like back spinning and syncing the first and last beats of songs.

I want to desperately show that I do indeed know new tricks and songs

and all these people want to do is hear how I used to do this shit in high school. About 10 years ago.

Sigh.

Here we go again.