Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I'm not trying to be tactful. I'm trying to be a jackass

You know what? Its a fucking miracle that I have the motivation to get out of bed because of some things.

Its probably a miracle that I kept trying at relationships after being sufficiently fucked around with by several women early on.

I wish I had a time machine; give myself a warning. Wait until your 25, they suddenly women and relationships work better.

Now first I actually still talk to some of my ex-girlfriends, why

1) gives me the opportunity to be an ass

and more seriously

2) We probably, in those cases, should not have been a thing anyway. We worked better as friends, or friends with benefits but we were both to horny/desperate at the time to see that.

But let me start at the beginning, and this time no third party. I used to rant alot about what I saw in relationships, how girls were treating my friends so as a third party I would look at this from the outside. Today you get what I have seen first hand, we may be here a while.

My first partner. Holey shit was this a cluster fuck.

1) first time, condom breaks, Scarry as hell, but no problems. Why? Simple both of us had no idea what we were doing, to the point where neither of us finished.

2) she refused to take birth control (became the limiting factor to why I didnt want to have much sex with her later on, why she cheated and go pregnant but thats further down the list)

3) she would, routinely, lie to me about where she was and what she was doing so she could hook up with other guys

4) on night when she was 'babysitting' I was hanging out with our mutual friends, and some of us decided to tease one of her friends a bit (a girl). She got fantastically jealous and said she was babysitting one night and I was all over her best friend. No, thats not what happened.

5) obviously, she would fuck other guys, actually had one of them answer her phone once to tell me to fuck off.

6) this one actually eventually got pregnant from a dead beat, then had another close call with a guy who turned out to also be a dead beat

tl;dr kinda clingy and very jealous girl who would cheat on me and did not use birth control

yeah, we are off to a real strong fucking start. Now heres why I still keep in contact with this one
she is an old friend, from highschool and I should forgive her a bit because a) I wasnt that interested in sex because it was my first time and b) she wasnt on birth control. so maybe that was why she cheated, still not a very good excuse but whatever and finally c) we were both way too young.

So after that one, there was another girl she was actually decently geeky and awesome, turned out to be a cluster fuck...

1) probably daddy issues
2) ended up fucking one buddy of mine in my res (to my knowledge, could be atleast 2)
3) asked him for help and not me when home life started to get rough

so as a result of this, I politely told her to fuck off. Turns out she spent a long time crying at the bus stop, missing her ride home or something.

This is kinda where I started becoming a real prick, because there was no reason for her to behave this way, she just did it. Now, unlike the first one who got jealous for no reason this one got upset when after she cheated on me  and I told her to fuck off and refused to talk to her. She tried to talk to me once after. Im not sure if she though some sappy romcom bullshit forgiveness would have happened in the snow storm or what because I was walking home from work and she was walking to the bus stop and stopped me, said are you just going to ignore me. I replied with yup, fuck off and kept walking.

Now, little known fact to everyone I felt bad and turned around to look for her, couldnt find her and went back to my dorm.

Did this one have any redeeming qualities? no, she was hot at the time, she had very nicely shaped, but not large, breasts. Do I talk to this one, no. Would I, dont know.

From here on out it is, a string of girls who deserved my best and until relatively recently I was unable to deliver. I feel bad for them on missing out.