Friday, May 27, 2011

girlfriends and nerf

As I sit here, on the shitter purging body and mind I came to a sad realization:
I am the only fuck in my group of fucks who does not have a girlfriend present...

Well, except for maybe animal but he is going for that chick...
Time heals all wounds and helps you forget, I had forgotten what that girl is like.
Animal, she isnt exactly the quickest turtle in the sea.
Yeah I met her before a few years back, didnt think she was like that.
Yes, she also looks hotter on facebook, dont you hate those kinds of girls.
Ok, to be honest, I thought she was taller, and had she been taller she would have been hotter,
hell maybe shes got a great body Im not the one trying to see her naked.
Im sure my friend is pretending to care, be all sweet and gentlemanly and shit.
He learned from the best, what can I say.
Either way, this brings forth a problem: I go and hang out with these fucks, and when I leave they fuck and I masturbate.
At least with the guys at the university this problem is less pronounced. There is 4 who are single.
In both groups there is the common factor of nerf. I have 2 armies at my command...that are more likely to engage in battle with each other than work together to take over the world.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Graduation Night

Hell, you knew it was comming. Its shit sandwich time

Good: Graduation Complete
Bad: Got Gyped on the ceremony
Good: Everything after

This is going to focus on everything after.

Graduation: We are all looking sexy, diploma's in hand and wings on shirt. We get some free food and booze (I didnt hit the bottle until we went to the club, this minor problem called 'driving') Took some pictures, got to meet the men and women who raised my classmates, thats always good, as well as some significant others but most importantly got to hang out with the class.

Then, to predrinking, the night was horribly organized but one thing was consistant: Show up at Rouge and get plastered.

At newfwithcowlicks house we drank, smoked and watched hockey
come 1130 it was time to go downtown, and downtown we went, possum was running at us and barely made it in the cab in time, real action movie like

At downtown, I bumped into some old friends from my cadet days, and he was piggy backing some guy.
And charged at me.
It was great to see him, he suggested Cosmo, because frankly there is always dirty, sleasy women at cosmo. Just the way I like them.
But I have a committment to my class, but my friend Hasahugeboat wanted to chase the ass to cosmo. I told him patience, Rogue will be bursting with tits and ass soon enough.

Started boozing, hit the wheel to decide what shot I should take (because frankly Im lazy, a night like that I am content to be on bottom and drink what people tell me to)
Ninjagirl (havent heard from her in a while) was kicked out, for drinking booze that was snuck in. Now weather it was her booze that she snuck in, or someone elses that someone else sunck in or any combination of the previously mentioned has yet to be determined. But I think that is the SECOND bar shes been forceably removed from that weekend. FUCK, you know better! I am dissapoint. The guys were defending her the next day, kids, failed to realize that Rouge COULD BE PERMINALTY SHUT DOWN IF SOMEONE IS CAUGHT LIKE THAT
Bouncer had ever right to be a dick
Boozed up some more, come back to the house, drink and party some more.
For me, the straw that broke the asses back was a shot of rum that my friend giantalbertan made me down. Immediately after that I started power puking, after about 5 or 6 shots of 3-4m ranged I felt good, and sober, and hungry
My counterpart ferrari however was not feeling good and was trying to convince me to have a 3some with my copilots little sister and fuck her in the anus. To this day he doesnt remember this, then he tried to get in a 3some with possum and his girlfriend.
I walked back to the house, ordered a cab and journed to mcdonalds. I was fucking starving, and i knew this would prevent a painful hangover in the morning.
I returend to see another guy FUCKING ON MY SLEEPING BAG AND PILLOW
fuck, he could have atleast kicked the shit off em...now I have to burn this shit. Those 2 sluts he brought back were probabily sweating aids.
Well, hasabigboat offered me another room, it was locked.
So he ran down the hall and charged full tilt at the door, damaging it.
I was sure what would break first: the lock or the door.
Thank god, with only moderate structural damage the lock broke and I got some sleep.
Woke up the next morning, and my fucking car has been towed.
After spending an hour trying to locate my lady, I found her, ordered another cab, got my car back and proceeded to return home. Hell of a night.
Is there more stupid ass things going on? I suppose I could tell you about my dreams but then you would have to, by law, have me admitted or something.