Thursday, April 29, 2010

Reflections

As I sit here this morning, I reflect on my life.
More specifically what happens where I grew up. Now, I seem like a huge douchbag to all of you, but in actuality, from where Im from, I am only in the middle. let me elaborate.

Sex is common, fine it is everywhere, isnt it? Friends pass around women like they would the last bottle of beer. When people break up, they go out and look for a rebound fuck. Everything is about getting laid, people cheat (I among them obviously), fuck around, protected sex unprotected sex, sex with minors, I have heard of alot of things happening such as this in my town. This can almost be considered normal if you were an adult.
We are talking about kids here, as long as I can remember, women started at 12, guys started at 14-16 and this is how it went. Use a woman, get into a negative relationship revolving only around sex, get bored, find someone new, relationship becomes more negative, break up, fuck someone different as a rebound, then fuck the girl you were cheating on with the first one...but causally have sex with the rebound, get bored with both find someone new...ect
Now, some of us have gone through this cycle much faster than others (myself, and 2 friends as for us to get laid in that town by someone new would take alot more effort than its worth. We have fucked up, and I dont know about them, but there are times when I wish, a long time ago, that I didnt get involved in this cycle, mayhaps dated women where the relationship would have lasted a year of more. And as my old room mate said "Screwing around like this when your young is a habit, and if you keep it up you wont be able to break it when your older"
By no means am I 'old'. Im only old to those still in the '-teen' stages. But will I want to settle down in the future? Have a family. This nonesense still seems a long ways away, but there are certain requirements for that, a family needs a mother figure, a stable and safe environment for children and a job, houses, mortgages...hours to spend time with them.
Given what happens in this town, for this generation, can any of us be reliable parents? There are some good people around here, and I know some people that have changed. but out of the maybe 10000 young people i am talking about, this is a very small number. Worst of all, these young girls get pregnant, and raise the kid without a father, because a) they are all dead beats (which means he got the hell out of dodge when she said she was knocked up) or b) they really are dead beats c) they just broke up. Now this cycle continues, except there is children involved. What do you think these kids are going to be like when they get older?
Exactly, like this generation.
This really needs to stop, and I hope to god that this is only normal where I am from, otherwise, we are in alot of trouble

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The New Adventures of Lazer Cock

It has been suggested that the green beam is radio active. That works, makes sense and can be a useful tool to get your enemies to die a slow painful death, so i have decided not to do this. The green beam makes enemies stoned. Its perfect.

Lazer cock will be using a wide array of weapons besides the lazer. He will have a sword, a knife and a grappling hook. He will fight the evils of some guy who rapes womens asses (i had a really brialliant name for him last night)
and lazer cocks weakness: MILFs

such as:
Stifflers Mom
Dawn Allison (his favorite pornstar)
Carol from Countdown (not who your thinking of, fuck ass)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

LAZER COCK!

I would like to tell you about a new super hero that I made (no I was not drunk when this happened)

I had my headlamp, and realized something. If turned upside down it resembled a thong. So I put it on as such, and now It looked like I had a light on my belt buckle. Multi coloured light on front, red on back. It was on my belt buckle, but it was a thong so I decided that I am shooting light from my dick, and voila, lazer cock is born. He has many lights.

A White light, a flashing white light, a red light, a flashing red light, a green light and blue light on the front

and on the back it has a red light or flashing red light.

Now what does each light do you ask?

White light - blinds enemies
Red light - burns enemies
Blue Light - freezes enemies
Green light -

the flashing variety functions as a distraction as well as the origional functions.

Lazercock fights not only with his croch mounted lazer weapon, but with a sword and a knife

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What?!?! Women are not objects to be used for our pleasure as men?

Hello to all those who can be fucked to read this, and those who cannot.
I am going to have sex with your girlfriends, and inpregnate them. Then blame you, so you better fucking read this, asshole.
I am the asshole of the generic variety and I am going to start a religion, where our holy text is "I hope they serve beer in hell" and our God be Tucker Max. If I ever get off my lazy ass, I may just make a shrine to him. Anyways I suppose you want to know whats happening.
Well we finally get some beautiful fucking weather, too bad I was in class all day. Mother Nature; Fuck you. And I would too, mother nature would be the ultimate milf. Imagne a combination of Dawn Allsion (my favorite canadian porn star)and Stifflers Mom (my favorite milf) were combined into one being. You get the picture.
For the next seven days the forcast predicts heavy drinking by all VFR pilots.
Fucking figures.
Anyways, about women...
So, some girl follows me and I decide to be an asshole. She has to be off the roads by midnight. I lead her astray, in the ass end of the neighbouring province. To teach them a lesson: Do no fuck with me.
They didnt learn it, so they kept on my ass until about 12:15. We are in a town, close to the highway and I being to lead them to home. They decide to take their own way and follow the idiot in the car and his crackberry GPS.
Great, so they end up trying to go uphill on a 4 wheeler trail. The car gets stuck, in an attempt to free the car, my friend gets his foot rand over (and car stays on the foot because women cant drive.)
protip, there be no kitchen in cars, so stay the fuck out of cars. Christ, this girls mother even told her to get back to the kitchen. Anyway they eventually find their way out and get home. Plus side to this woman, she has figured out to give good head.
Speaking of blow jobs, do you know what I cant stand? Bitches who THINK THAT SUCKING A DICK IS GROSS. FUCK WOMAN, SO ME SHOOTING OFF A BUNCH OF PROTIENS INTO YOUR VAGINA AND SHIT BEING MIXED UP IS NOT GROSS WHAT IN THE SWEET FUCK IS WRONG WITH GIRLS LIKE THIS. Oral sex is a healthy part of a relationship, and I do no mind eating out pussy to get my dick sucked. Problem is, bitches who only give out blow jobs if you eat them out (or are stupidly horny) are usually women with dirty, rotten, bad tasing vaginas. Like the kind of vagina i need to have a pink peppermint in my mouth to not gag at how fucking sour it is. I have been lucky as I have only tasted two bad vaginas in my life, and in hind sight, both relationships were bad ideas, but seemed like a good idea at the time.
Protip: women who have bisexual tendencies or are lesbians (and i mean hard core, not the every girl is kinda bisexual shit like the ones who eat pussy and love it) usually have bad tasting vagina. So, another pro tip, if you dont like the smell. You will not like the taste. The only thing that should be stuck in ansuses are dicks. Thats right, I approve of anal sex, or attempted anal sex (its fucking hilarious!)
I also approve of tits, so am I an ass man or tit man? hard to say. I like both.
I think I am more of a woman man, because I like woman.
Blonde, Redhead, Brown, Brunette
Big tits, small tit, dat ass
black, white asian, indian
american canadian
nova scotian, islander, newfoundlander
amherst, sackville, moncton

You know, if said correctly (by said I mean yelled) with a rhythm, that is quite poetic.