Friday, December 17, 2010

Upping the confirmed kills, one slut at a time

Well, for those of you who dont know the definiton of confirmed kills, it is this.
the number of women you have had sex with.
different women, no virgins do not give you more points
with my wisdom and experience virgins have these problems

1) they dont know how to fuck
2) they dont know how to suck
3) they dont know how to jerk

they also have a tendency of becoming clingy psycho bitches, come on we have all seen wedding crashers

anyways, so i have decided upon ranks for the confirmed kills, as sort of decoration for my crew.

Definiton: Ace - 5 confirmed kills
Double Ace - 10 confirmed kills
Triple Ace - 20 confirmed kills

now speaking of my crew, I am presented with a problem. Its not descention, its a separation. Not the first time.

What happens, my crew become more than crew with each other, leading to a nesscary split. For example, when my crew live together, the novelty tends to ware off eventually and they start disliking each other and will only bitch if they both are on duty, severely cutting down effeciency and situational awareness.

The Crew Includes (using alias to protect the innocent)

The main crew are these people

Korey
Brad
Martin
Brandon
Zac
Jon

here is the problem...Brandon and Martin no longer get along with brad

Why?

Well, brad and martin do not see eye to eye regarding martin's lady friend.
As for brandon and brad, beats the fuck out of me why they dont like each other

either way, instead of talking this out, they seem to try to fix it how we fix other problems...

here is my problem, this is an internal issue and not external (as we often deal with) and should be handled differently, and because of it i cannot have people working together in the same vessel.

Every time this sort of separation has happened it involves a person or group of people leaving my crew perminantly. the earliest record of this is during the first generation of crew where I lost 90% of the original bunch.
mind you, they are a bunch of homosexual wannabes (yes, they want to be gay)
so nothing of value was lost, but it took time to replace these high ranking officers.

i have lost officers because they acquired vessels and were not ready for the captainship, and in my mind do not understand how to run a vessel or a crew, they have also not been active members of my crew either.

a fellow captain rarely goes out with us because he lived with one of my commanders once and they no longer get along.

my crew is resourceful, highly trained and highly experienced. it pains me that we cannot find a way to solve these internal issues.
mind you, the largest losses we have experienced has been for the benefit, but i see no gain in loosing or destroying communication with any more.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The future

Well, since the level of stupidity and drunkeness that I experience is decreasing (thank god...i think) so this means...your gunna have to wait for the weekend/new years before any more crazy stories.

I suppose some of you have heard about my latest project, a scientific study on women, what they say, what they do how to figure them out. basically like a car has a drivers handbook, i hope to make a handbook about women for men. Another project is the resurrection of the university survival guide, as i am considering going back to university depending on job prospects. So you can expect these two ideas to be merged into one, the study on women will include the anomaly of the 'whore train' and the survival guide 'wing man theory'.

There is also works of fiction that i have been meaning to work on for some time; they include (in no particular order)

-Apocalypse - Magic, Vampires, Werewolves, Angels, Demons, Gods beating the shit out of each other
-Vigilantes - Basically for anyone who played the vigilante 8 series of games, an expanded story with some new characters
-Premonitions - A fucked up quest to save a princess
-Duality - Another fucked up quest of a man exploring his mind
-Andromeda - As you know, I love andromeda, and hate how it ended, so I have committed myself on rewriting everything...post season 2 basically to have a better, more fulfilling

Monday, November 22, 2010

Asshole, Generically

Well it has been a while hasn't it...
Last update was about a month ago, and here is what has been going on in my life.

School
Sleep

There was that one drunken party halloween night, where I was 1/6th of the village people and that was a good time. It was quite amusing, one of the guys dressed up as a mummy got lite on fire by a sparkler, women whored themselves around and a pint of JD that belonged to me dissappeared a little too quickly...
moving on, thats about all thats going on in my life so far. So, onto something more interesting;

the weekend...sort of
there be a party in halifax to support movemeber (you fuckers who have no been growing out your moustache to the best of your ability should return your gentiles at the door and pick up your new vaginas) for those of you who do not know what movember is, it is a fundraiser for prostate cancer. men grow out their upper lip and do not shave it for the month of november, and come up with epic moustaches (beards, gothi must be shaven)
as for me, I am sporting the 'anti hitler' because i can only grow hair on the sides, the middle part (the part that only hitler sported) is ungrown, because i cant fucking grow hair to save my life.
so this party is to celebrate the end of this month and scueesful fundraising for prostate cancer research.
and we are going to get fucking loaded
the plan is to drive to the city thursday afternoon after class
check into our hotel rooms
suit up
go to party
drink
go to club
drink
return to hotel
sleep for a few hours
drive home
its going to be a fucking time...if people go to it.
i am not sure what the level of interest of this is, there is 2 for sure, and 2 others that i think are going to go. We are hoping for a sloppy drunkfest involving all of our school, admin and instructors included.
In other news, I will be on rouge alpha a bit more, so any story shit will be there. as well as my new scientific study. cheers

-The Generic Asshole

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Drunken Weekends

Well It has been a while... so time to fill you in on the last two sloppy nights

First off, last saturday where for no reason the pilots went to a party
drank
then went to clubs
It was a newfie party, and there was a keg and booze. it was good, eventually
I hitched a ride with one hansome mother fucker and two girls and we rode to
the rouge night club.
While there, I enjoyed some fine beverages (on top of the gin I had already consumed)
in the form of
jack frost
voldka redbull
disarano sour
russian roulette
liquid cocaine
gummy bear

it was a good time, dancing like a fool and no drama.
however, whilest sober the next morning i scratched someones car
fuck my life, only I would do something so stupid...

and now, onto last night...wednesday
student night at the O2, I am designated driver
and first we start off at Irish-mans going away party. lots of pilots
loud bassy music and lots of booze.
First off there was the pre drinks at the newfs place with my classmates
then to the going away party, which was pre drinks for theclub
before heading out to the club I and Ninja Girl acqired super pilot
and convinced him to come out and play
then to the club, where they had booze, and I had redbull
it was a good time, classmates and schoolmates everywhere
and they seemed to enjoy themselves, then I left for a bit to drive people home
and come back to find out that physical fights were narroly avoided between some of
the people that go to my school!
Fuck! I leave them alone for 30 minutes...
anyways, turns out they were fighting over a girl and the once united and pumped pilots
have now been divided into two teams

Bieber vs the German

...frig...
to be honnest, Bieber needs to grow up, he tried to start shit with the german, because the
german had a thing for bievers girl before they started dating.
Bieber cannot grow up and just let the past be past, and because of this he may have ruined his future with this girl
and he isnt a bad guy...just a little untrusting about his girlfriend and has a hatred for every guy who
ever had anything to do with her (even if it was before him and ancient history it would seem)
i think it was the booze...no one was thinking.
the german was kinda aggravating him, but bieber was giving him the evil eye all night...
fucks sakes...then people siding with bieber apparantly were becoming annoying bitches
and the girl left early, alone and bieber looked rather upset.
bieber man, you have her now and thats what counts, dont fuck up the future because of the past
and for the love of christ TRUST HER if you cant trust her, then you have not earned the privolage to fucking date or fuck her
ugh...
another thing, we have leared about each others 'confirmed kills' (back in my day, it was bitches we fucked)
and...I, surprisingly have the highest confrimed killes at 9
the magnificant miss m next with 7
and everyone else seems to be muddling around 2-4
...
I thought I was doing poorly, apparantly you shouldn't be up this high
who knew?
so, they now think I am big pimpin...and
one guy asked the magnificant miss m for a blow job, I told him he wasnt being blunt enough
he should have just asked for sex
anyways, i drove these people home and now off for a nap before class starts in a few hours

oh, and another thing
DONT FUCKING DATE IN A COLLEGE OF 200
ESPECIALLY WITH ONLY 7 WOMEN
THEY WILL CHEAT ON YOU
many men have learnes this hard lesson tonight...
AND BITCHES BE MORE FUCKING COMMITTED, ITS BECAUSE OF WOMEN LIKE YOU THAT THE GENERIC ASSHOLE EXISTS!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Watch this shit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgUrqGFxV3Q

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Video Games

Time to get away from the bitches and onto something with some relevance.

There are some faggots who call themselves gammers. I am talking about those snot nosed pricks, those 12 year olds who only play shit like COD.
Realism? Nameless soldiers what the fuck is this, does anyone not remember the days when you were a nameless space marine fighing the demons from hell?
Or a silent man killing the shit out of aliens with a crow bar?
How about a testosterone fuelled womanizing, steroid abusing, drunk, ripped as fuck blonde douchebag killing aliens to save strippers and whores?
What happened to making a video game with a lack of realism?
Now dont get me wrong, there are video games who stick to this
Ie: Borderlands and Fallout 3. Not exactly realistic, but atleast not generic as Call of Duty or Halo. Point being, I hate generic shooters.
Soldiers, fighting soldiers with realistic physics and weapons...real politics.
To be honnest, video games for me are an escape from reality.
So, shooters! (I generally like most RTS, I am just not good at them)

Doom
Duke Nukem
Half Life
Portal
Borderlands
Fallout
Haze
Halo
Call of Cuty

Thats not a complete list, but thats basically the point. and this is about my anger on several subjects

1) Delay on Duke Nukem Forever (Its been 11 fucking years)
2) No new news on Doom 4 (been atleast 2-3 years waiting to hear something)
3) Severe dealy of Half Life 2:Episode 3
4) See above causing severe delay on Half Life 3
5) Fucking 12 year olds on X-Box
6) Realism in an environment where YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

I am going to stop talking to women and stop going out

You know, mayhaps my sarcasm towards women and relationships would be less if:
1) I did not go out
2) I did not speak to any woman

I had a clever and witty name for this post two days ago, and I have forgotten it. Fuck sakes.

Well went to the O2 last night, it was a pretty good time. Didn't drink, I really wasn't feeling it. Not that it matters, I ended up doing dick all today anyway besides Fable and Half Life 2. Anyways, so about the fucking women.

I go to the O2, and women are fucking whoring it up. They are drunk, young and out for a good time. Does anyone remember high school? Where you were hard pressed to find yourself a whore to get a good fucking from. It seems that the men wanted women only for sex at that age, and as I get older I am seeing men actually trying to have a good, healthy relationship with women.
Only for the women to fuck it up and want only sex from men, christ.
I believe I have said this before about women aged 18-25 correct?
Im gunna go check to be sure...
Wow, I guess not.
Well here it is, women aged 18-25 are going through this whorish stage of their lives.
They want sex, anyone with a girlfriend, or is 'seeing someone' (you know who you are who say this, quit leading my friends on or I'll fucking kill you) and they are always 'single' they dont have a real 'boyfriend' they are 'seeing someone'
Why? Its really quite simple, they want the attention and to flirt with the other guys but in case they dont get what they want, they want to have that safety net.
Guess what asshole? Thats you.
It seems at this stage in life, I am seeing more and more of women using men as a safety net in case they cant get laid.
I remember a time when I was doing similar nonsense. Maybe thats it, maybe this is revenge for all the assholes like me who used women.
Funny thing is, I didnt use women in highscool, shit like this started when I met the sleasy bitches of university.
Then they get angry when you cheat, when they have been doing the same thing.
There are three (Their names were mentioned but I have decided to remove them because enough people will know who they are), you fucking whores, I tried to take you seriously. You are the source of the sarcasm and bile, you are what made The Generic Asshole and Ian Tandwell. So when I corrupt other men to thinking like me, you will be to blame.
Well in more positive news my best friend got laid.
Well, I think this is good, its kind of a double edged sword...
I prided that man in sticking with his morales, and what he believe in.
Now it seems that the new ball and chain is suggesting things to him and he just does it...maybe Im wrong. I would love to be proven wrong for once.
Either way, he seems to be happy with this girl and maybe Im overreacting, maybe its not a matter of him going against his morales, but becoming more felxible.
Optimism, Sarcasm and Video Games are the only things that prevent me from going insane most days.
In other more positive new, that anti women rant, well the girls that made me realize this (Not the 3 I mentioned by name, because apparanly at that time I was still green and naieve as fuck because I didnt get the fucking point) have actually started taking the guys they are 'seeing' more seriously.
And by that I mean they flirt less infront of them and actually put out.
Atleast people are getting laid, but my complaint is:
WHY THE FUCK COULD MEN AND WOMEN BOTH BE HORNY IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL
Sure, pregnancy's would be up around here, because most of the men lack the grey matter to put on a condom and most women lack the desire for birth control or abortions.
YOU ARE A WHORE: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT ON BIRTH CONTROL, WHY THE FUCK WONT YOU GET AN ABORTION?
I believe I have said that to atleast two women, both were girlfriends. Im going to fucking hell. If men and women just used each other, like fucking everyone, for sex in high school that would mean right now everyone would be mature, know what the fuck a relationship should be and be happy.
But what the fuck do I know right?

Saturday, August 14, 2010

In other news

Im doing a fair bit of flying, done multi ground school.
It feels good to have a logical schedule, and be back in class. I missed the general douchebaggetry that is my class.
We are all assholes, and its hilarious by times.
In other news, flygirl (because I wont mention any REAL names here) still has my disarono from a few weeks ago. She suggested that she bring it to class and we drink it, as fucking hilarous as that would be, I do not want to be kicked out from THIS school, so Im afraid that I will have to pass on that.
MILF > Younger
heres why, younger girls will waste time with guys who dont trust them or are only looking for sex. Alot of SINGLE (even not so single) MILFs just want sex, they will want to marry someone who will be a good father, so heres the key to MILFS turn on the charm and charisma and flirtatiousness and they will fuck you silly, but make sure you dont put yourself out there as good parenting material, you will just be in a world of shit

Wednesday, August 4, 2010



You will never guess who the inspiration for these foul bachelorette frog is?

THATS RIGHT, JUST ABOUT EVERY WOMAN I HAVE EVER BEEN FUCKING INTERESTED IN

There is a reason to why I am the way I am, there is part of it


fucking women...
Well I have nothing really to say about anything today;
I have seen SC2, looks pretty, got back into borderlands...now Im level 51 and about halfway through playthrough 2. I think I can handle anything
I guess this is an experiment, my first uploaded picture to the blog. If it works I will do so more often

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A game Idea

You know what? Why can't there be an RPG like game (or mod or something) where the players control a motor vehicle, armed with guns against other cars with guns.
And to improve your cars weapons or armour you loose some power from your engine.
For example, lets say it cost about 100rpm or 10hp or something per shot to fire a gun
Your car is producing 200hp at 5500 rpm, now you only have 5400 rpm to play with for acceleration and top speed. If you want to make your car more mobile, (not accelerate fast, turn fast) you need to use a bit more power to steering, to make your car more stable make it heavier, but now it needs more horse power to accelerate the way it would have when it was lighter and will have a slightly less top speed.
Wait, they did a game that complicated, it was called interstate 76 AND IT DOESNT FUCKING WORK ON VISTA!
Either way, I think that would be a fun mod for D&D or some tabletop dice game. While we are on topic of this, let me tell you about my dream vigilante car

7th Generation Honda Civic (maybe 9th because I hear they are going back to be baddass)
or
8th Generation Honda Accord

2 Door (coop)

V6 engine
8 Forward Machine guns mounted in the hood
Air scoops on hood to provide better cooling
2 Gatling/Chain guns mounted on the side
Higher ground clearance
Better suspension
8 sidewinder missiles stores below the car, then moved to the sides of the car before being shot
Larger gas tank stored in truck (much larger)
Frame made from titanium, laminated with kevlar (light and durable) :)
Painted bright blue
With black racing stripes running down the left side, halfway between the gear shift and the passenger side door.
Also, must be standard.
hahahaahahahahahahahahaha

Now, onto the weekend.
Well, it was ninja girls 19th, so we celebrated the only logical way how: alcoholism
and in my case unfiltered cherry prime times

So I bought a pint of voldka and a pint of disarano. I didnt touch the disarano but in the hour and a half that we were at the house pre drink party I consumed over 3/4 of the voldka, and mixed it with redbull.
I was feeling pretty good at that point, and stopping there would not have ruined the night.
Therefore I proceeded to drink moar at the bar
4 shots of JD
1 shot of fireball
1 rum and coke
2 voldka sour
2 jd and coke
2 of an unknown drink

10-12 ounces of hard liquor in the 2 hours at the O2

It was briallian, however ninja girl kinda buzzed killed us, well except for me who was too intoxicated to give a fat fuck at that point. She left at 1230-1 with her exboyfriend
much to the annoyance of the other guy there, who asked me earlier for condoms, WHO HAD BEEN GOING ON THE WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT ABOUT HOW HE WANTED TO FUCK HER AND HOW SEXY SHE LOOKED! (sorry ninja girl, i should have warned you but to be honnest I forgot he said it by the time we got to the house party)
So he decides to go after the cute asian, much to the slight annoyance of the guy asian
but they all failed, apparantly they looked more drunk than I, as I was walking and talking straight much to the surprise of the angry frenchmen (whom I shared alot of prime times with that night)
and we got the exact same cab driver home as we did going to the o2, so that was cool. I crashed at the angry frenchmens appartment, had my final prime time, watched some just cause 2 and everything is fucking spinning, became aquainted with his toilet, more just cause 2 repeated the process and decided to go to sleep.
Woke up, dry heaved for hours, got an anti-nauseant which induced vomiting, but then felt pretty fucking good.
drove ninja girl to truro and eventually got home
needless to say, it was a pretty good fucking weekend

Did I mention the blue underglow to the car, well it will have blue underglow (in the form of blacklight)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Women: In Cumberland County

Amherst:
Act like whores and get knocked up

Springhill:
Act like whores but kinda suck in bed (good at head though)

Parsburrow:
Act like whores, party all the time, put out well, dont give head (but want you to eat them out)

Oxford:
Act like whores, dont put out.

Pugwash:
Act like whores, put out, and good at all

that is all

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Plan

I am going to get a bottle of old spice body wash.
I am going to video tape myself showering in an intense storm
using old spice body wash, and send it to the old spice guy to see if i have his approval. who's with me?
You know what?
I just realized that I fucking love women
Personality? What in the sweet fuck, im shallower than that
I like the tits, the ass, curvature the sheer beauty of them.
But thats not the point, I guess the point is that I have decided to take up writing again,
its been a while and I have had my fill of borderlands for the time being.
I have gone through my writing folder and realized that I have like 20 ideas that are started but not quite finished yet.
Heh, should keep me amused for a while...

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Twilight

You know what? the idea of vampires, werewolves and humans falling in love with each other is an intersting one. It would be like a metaphor for people opposed of interracial marriage, but now its inter species.
Would that even fucking work?
Okay, so they are all more or less human, with the not so human having super human powers.
I can deal with that
So why in the fuck did twilight fumble this idea so badly?
simple, instead of catering to vampire-fags, werewolf-fags, you know people who like that shit, goth ect.
they catered to women, aged 14-30
mind you, that is a bigger crowd and WILL make a profit, so if it was done just to make money, good on the writer and movie makers
but i know thats not why it was done, the writer basically wrote her wet dream, as is every womans dream, to be fought over by many men with super human powers.
Fucks sakes women are shallow.
Anyways moving on, I have a better idea for this shit.
Vampires - who act like vampires
Vampires - who are pansies who do not drink human blood and therefore have to hold back the urge to tear people to pieces and are slight weaker than their human blood sucking relatives
Werewolves - who are actually werewolves, you know the half-wolf half man kinda shit, not one or the other
Hunters - humans who hunt (successfully) werewolves and vampires
and finally Vampires, Werewolves and humans fighting other vampires werewolves and humans with modern military equipment.
BUT
some of them are using swords and riding dragons.
Thats right, a vampire on a dragon against a human in a fighter jet
and werewolves jumping from fighter jet to fighter jet using samuari swords to slice through the wing before jumping off onto another one.

But enough of the violence and action, lets get back to the point here.

The love story:
if a love story can be described with a geometric shape, then its fucking stupid.
Ever hear of true fucking love nimrods?
where one man loves one woman
where yes other men and women can lust after these people, but basically it wont fucking matter.
Christ, and women get pissed of at me when i cheat, and its their fantasy to cheat with meny men? bitches, fuck off.
How about some interspecies relationships?
Human and Vampire - fuck yes
Human and Werewolf - fuck yes
Werewolf and Vampire - ohmygodwhatthefuckareyouthinking

So there will be basically 6 major characters
Human Male
Human Female
Werewolf Male
Werewolf Female
Vampire Male
Vampire Female

are they all going to be connected, yes of course
these are the heroes of the story, you know, the good guys?
homosexuality? not in this one, that will be saved for another story.
Well maybe, why not some hot lesbian werewolf on vampire action?
Too much? maybe so but why not actually write a story about
SHIT REAL PEOPLE HAVE TO DEAL WITH
homosexuality and interractial relationships are a reality
and yet they are still subject to prejustice, but why?
who the fuck cares, but lets let the extremes fight it out, with a small group of people willing to accept and comprimise for peace.
but the will ultimately kick the shit out of everyone else
now thats a fucking story

Friday, July 2, 2010

Booze, Pot and Gunpowder

Well, let me tell you about my 1st of July.
It started with a dream, a dream that my flight instructor sent me a talon message (presumably while drunk) telling me that the alcohol and parting was too much for her and she would not be able to fly.
Well instead she showed up drunk (or half drunk from the previous night)
I can smell the booze cuntmongler, remember what my old job used to be. I know what alcohol smells like. She had blood shot eyes, and was drinking Sunny D, and chewing cinamon gum. CIGARETTES AND CINAMON DO NOT COVER UP THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL!
Well, it would seem. also, she got a cab to her friends house with a guy that goes to the school.

...

FUCK

allright, moving on. Her mother was pissed off at her when she had to bring shoes and lunch for my instructor. I can take some amusement in that. Oh, Did I mention she was flying as PIC (mind you she did shit all, half passed out for most of the flight) I was flying.

Now onto the evening, I knew shit was going down in amherst and moncton. So I decided to go to moncton in search of explosion and drunk pilots (much to the dissapoint of the people in amherst, guys when you read this you will know why)

So I get to the board walk and start walking towards downtown mocton, with no real plan in mind. I just hoped that something would happen, as luck would have it drunk cape breatoner had finally returned my phone call just as the fire works started and I began the long trek back to my car. It smelled of booze, pot and gunpowder and he asked for mix. I got him his mix and drove to the house he was at, he was at the nearby esso. When there, they encounter longboard, and grab him and throw him into the car.

TO THE O2!

So we get there, they owe me money
50 for the booze ! (if you asked, for the booze i would have given you the JD (which backwards spells DJ, coincidence, I think not) but keep away from the voldka. I told you I was keeping the alcohol there, and i hardly ever drink and if i do, it will be there.
You also owe me 25 dollars for the booze and cover
and as for longboard who owes me 20 dollars for the loan, because he was too lazy to use the bank at that time.

Now at the O2, they have a stage set up outside, a DJ was on from 12-2 before that it was bands, it was fucking packed and all I could smell was booze and gunpowder. (at the fireworks earlier was where I smelled the pot) the security was pretty good here, they didnt let any contraband in.
Now, inside the O2 complex (i see why its called that) you pay like 5something cover and you get into the O2, the palace and the manhattan. 3 clubs, all with booze, music and chicks, for the price of 1?!?!?!
Awesome. Maybe they only did that because it was canada day. Either was it was a blast where I told the drunk capebreatoner that the more women me 'macked on' (made out with) the more points he would get.
I am an asshole, well atleast he is single.
He claims 7, I can verify atleast 3.
I also encounter a girl who called me patriotic (she got her boyfriend to take the picture of us) she was wearing only a canada flag like a short skirted, low cut dress.
Fucking Awesome
And the entire night (on my part) was spent going between the various DJ's and dancefloors, watching my drunk friends strut their stuff.
Designated drive? Highly amusing. Could the drunk capebreatoner have picked up? yes, but he didnt :( his roommate (ninja girl from an earlier post) would have fucking killed us.
We went out into the street to piss (because we were too lazy to wait in line) one of my crew pissed in the middle of main street, the other times they went behind a building. I had to go with them to make sure they made it back to the O2.
Another time, the drunk capebreatoner pissed infront of a window at downtown subway, infront of 3 girls.
Fucking a,
there are somethings money cant buy, like you being the DD and drunk pilots
but for everything else, there is mastercard.

Hell of a night, got home @ 4, I am tired and sore right now after being on my feet all day yesterday and going for 22 hours, So I am going to spend the day relaxing.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Fucking women...

Now here is another wonderful reason why I have a hate on for women, well women around my town.
Yeah, its nice that they are all sluts. They will put out and they do know what they are doing, all you need to do is wait for the opportunity and BANG you have just got laid.

But, here is the other problem.
But first, a preramble
Pregnangy: Ruining attractive, easy, teenagers since 1989.
Because they then get all maternal and start hunting for men to become a father.
Fucking scary.

Anyways continuing on...
YOU DO NOT WANT A BABY BECAUSE ITS FUCKING CUTE, YOU DONT EVEN LIVE ON YOUR OWN FOR CHRIST SAKES YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS, SMARTEN THE FUCK UP, WEAR A CONDOM TAKE BIRTH CONTROL AND WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE MATURE, SETTLED AND READY FOR A CHILD WITH A FUCKING HUSBAND WHERE YOU CAN RAISE THE KID IN A HEALTHY, LOVING ENVIRONMENT.
There is nothing worst than whores who have kids, and continue to be whores.
Now, I know I have said that I love MILFs, and young moms are still moms.
But for me, its the cougar aspect of that. Older women, more mature, knowing what the fuck they are doing, and ultimately: not clingy
These young fucks, they are pure cling, once again its all that maternity crap.
I would also like to point out ITS ILLEGAL TO RAISE A CHILD IN AN UNHEALTHY, UNLOVING ENVIRONMENT. PROVIDING THE ESSENTIALS OF LIFE FOR A CHILD IS MORE THAN SHELTER AND FOOD. THEY NEED LOVE, CARE AND AFFECTION. AND BECAUSE YOU JUST WENT OUT ONE NIGHT FOR SOME FUN, AND COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO TAKE THE PROPER PRECAUTIONS YOU HAVE NOT ONLY FUCKED UP YOUR LIFE, BUT THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD.
I have no problem with people who wish to fuck up their lives, I wish that they wouldnt, but it isnt my call to make. I do however have a problem with people who fuck up the lives of others, intentionally. DONT SAY IT WAS A FUCKING MISTAKE, YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN THE 15 SECONDS TO PUT A GOD DAMNED CONDOM ON, AND DONT SAY YOU DIDNT THINK IT COULD HAPPEN BECAUSE SEX IS FOR THE REPRODUCTION OF CHILDREN, THE FACT THAT IT FEELS GOOD PROVES THAT THERE IS A GOD, WITH A SICK SENSE OF HUMOR. 15 minutes of pleasure (or for those comptient in bed 45, for those of us good in bed 1.5hours +) then you have a kid, that is 18 fucking years of hard work, raising, making sure they dont fuck up where you did and they dont fuck up their lives (like you did)
You get the picture
Maybe there should be a law, no premartial sex without birth control.
It wouldnt solve all problems, 50% of marriages are failing, so half the kids born into wedlock have a pretty good chance of being in a negative environment. But I would cut down on the kids born to teenage women, who cant raise them and both are in for a hell of a life trying to do it right.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

For here, because its too long for facebook...

...and I wish I had a nickel everytime I heard that

I am tired of the "It had good cinematragophy" defence for twilight.
You know what else has good cinematagraphy: Porn.
I cuts out or minimizes the shit the viewer wants least (usually plot, men ect)
Focuses on what the viewer wants the see the most (Vagina, Tits or Fucking ect)
It gives the viewer exactly what they want (attractive naked woman or man, fucking, oral ect)
Its not normally longer than the viewer can tolerate (not longer than 'endurance')
It has music that fits the mood/whats going on in the film
BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN A PORN IS GOOD!

Yes, I have just compared Twilight to porn, you will never masterbate again.
Actually, I may have suggested that porn is better than twilight.

Ménage à trois, Moncton Adventures, Magic Cards and virgins

Hell of a day yesterday. I suppose you want the title explained, so it is best to start from the begenning.

Two days ago I rescued my friend from Moncton, well yesterday was his girlfriends birthday so he asked me if I could drive him up to see her. I dropped him off at her res and I suggested that he ask her if she wanted to go to gamezilla with us. He either had a quicke with her, finger banged her or made out with her because it does not take 20 minutes to give her a gift. She came down, so I guess she was interested in gamezilla so off we went. Into game zilla where I encountered 2 lost amherstians looking for the main EB Games. After trying on some silly hats and admiring the comic books and other geeky things in the store we left and venture to EB games ourself. The girl of course went into the nearby beauty store with little success, they were closing. So after looking at some games (pokemon in particular) we left and started speaking of sex shops. This eventually lead to them saying "fuck it, generic asshole, lets go to sister sarahs, we have never been there before" so we went, and the set up was quite questionable and sketchy. Unfortunely it was closed, so we went to X-citement instead. Now this is where the Ménage à trois comes in. You see three of us, 2 guys and 1 girl entering a sex shop, checking out dicks, dildoes and various lubricants and play things.
The games they had are what intrigued me the most, but I digress
After this, the only logical thing to do was get some McDicks then head home.
Well after the lady was dropped off my friend and I were rather bored (I think they wanted me to go to Angies with them, but we will save that for another time) so we called up our friend in sackville and played, possibly the most dramatic, game of magic that I had ever seen or been a part of (Ok, so it was my 3rd game)
Well so far with a deck randomly put together of black and reds I have 2 wins and 1 loss. So time to cut the fat and make the deck a bit more useable (over 120 cards, its difficult to get the ones you want, but I never lack mana).

Now about the Virgins, this came from a discussion that I had with my friend, the guy I went to moncton with I do believe. Maybe it was someone else, no matter. But let me make this clear

TAKING SOMEONE'S V CARD IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME
First of all, they dont know how to fuck, and they dont know how to play
As you know, I love foreplay, fucking around, sex, well I guess its that manditory shit that you have to do when the bitch says fuck me. (Or in the case of year one, shut up and fuck me. Sorry Georgia and Martin)
Again, that story is something you are better off knowing, it seemed like a good idea at the time...
Anyways, next point, Virigns USUALLY BECOME QUITE CLINGY
Which is weird, that means most virgins end up marrying the person they first had sex with, or had a messy break up leading them to be whores and just using men (or women) as sex objects.
I admire those people
Speaking of sex objects, thats how I feel right about now.
Yeah, I am a womanizing bastard, but now I think all women really want me for is my dick. Its less effort on their part because unlike a dildoe, I move myself and capeable of changing posistions and surprises, using other tools, toys or parts of my body ect ect ect.
Virgins == Tight Vaginas
True most of the time, but you know what? women can do exercies to maintain the virginal tightness that they had, and they have more mileage on their vagina then I have on my honda civic.
So, heres what you do, you get yourself a mature woman, with tits because tits are always relevant, and ass (balance men, you need both), who has some experience with sex. There is nothing better than couples suprising one another and actually ENJOYING sex, not getting pleasure out of it, but actually like having sex with each other beyond a this physically feels good thing. A woman you like hanging out with, where sex is not the reason you go see her. Keep the balance of cling (ie you fucking miss the bitch but you dont latch on like a parasite).
Christ, I have described my perfect woman here, if you fit this description you can e-mail me at:
thegenericasshole@fuckoff.ca
So Virgins, not that great (unless you legitimately like them and are not going after them because you want their V card. So if you like them, giver tits)
Oh, to Audry and Ryan what you have is good and I admire that.

Monday, June 7, 2010

I have come to a shocking realization

Well, maybe not too shocking for those who know me.
I think I only go after (or only attracted to) women who are either clingy or fucking psychotic, and not the cool psychotic that I am, like fucked up, seriously fucked up. Or women that are clingy or fucked up are attracted to me...
Judging by previous girlfriends, that would seem to be the case. Or in some cases, both.
Fuck sakes, I suppose there should be a point to this.
Half Life 2: I fucking HATE barnicles
Team fortress 2: I fucking HATE spies and snipers
Doom 3: ...I dont really hate anything in that game

Well now to go on track, I rescued my friend last night from the horrors of the bus terminal in Moncton (to his girlfriend, my birthday gift to you is getting him out of there safely so he can see you today on your birthday. Enjoy)

I still would enjoy running about sackville with lightsabres in a duel that spans the entire town, until the rcmp instruct us to stop atleast.

And as soon as the weather gets better, hopefully megaprank (read earlier posts) will happen

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Muderous Rage

Fuck spelling, I am very disappointed.
You know I am sure that she had a very good-
Fuck that, the cunt was most likely out drinking and doesnt want to fly. Well heres the scoop. I show up, hour and a half before my flight, I check the weather, I have a window of opportunity just long enough to get it in, I go to dispatch and I am instructed to call my instructor.
Allright, she tells me to delay the flight until 4:40, I could use the practice in bad weather. I tell her the ceiling at that time is 2500 and will be dropping to 600 by 5. She says go for it anyways. I tell her we will not be going, I like pushing it, hell I even like doing things that will decrease the longevity of my life but not things that will end it all together. She suggests a briefing...at the same time.
Apparantly she had no cellphone to call/text me and no computer to send me an e-mail.
Bull fucking shit, I figure she was drunk fucking the asian students again. And was in no condition (or desire) to fly until 4:40. You know what? I waited for 2 or 3 hours. Grabbed some breakfast with my friend, watched some stupid shit online, shot the shit then we got bored. I determined that I was not going to wait for my instructor, I have better things, anything, that i could be doing other than sitting on my ass in uniform reading the FTGU for the one hundredth million fucking time.
Too long, didnt read?
Instructor a cunt and didnt show up and wants me to wait for 6 hours for her.
I dont, I am now writing this.

Friday, June 4, 2010

PATRICK I WANT MY FLY BITCHES
Make em' 18, because I am not a god damed ped like the remainder of my crew.
Actually I shouldnt say that, my good friend, we shall call him Viper for his speed and anger, has finally dated a girl near the age of adulthood. Thats right, shes 17! (A huge improvement from that 15 yo shit he was doing before, I hope you learned your lesson)
Now, let me tell you about something funny, a joke, a prank if you will.
It will require the best crew I can have.
Captain Asshole (me) and the best driving ability I can muster
Commander Viper his speed and rage will be greatly useful
Commander fuck I dont have a name for this guy yet. He will be useful in organisation and his perception for law enforcement vehicles is the best in the land. Finally we have our bait, Ensign something, (again no name yet) he is relatively new to our ranks, but is moving up quickly. He has great strength and passion. all we have to do is make him faster and wittier and he will be a force to be reconed with. The plan involves him fucking a bitch. Well, sort of.
What will happen is he will go over, foreplay, oral then sex.
Now halfway through the sex (ideally just before he gets the bitch off) we will be howling like wolves outside her window. He will howl in response grab his shit and jump out the window and run to the car. He will be running at my car, naked with a condom half hanging off his dick and we will tear off, leaving the bitch sexually fustrated. serves you fucking right for not being in the kitchen.
Pics and videos will be uploaded as soon as we do this shit.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Lookin' for fly bitches, yo

And Patrick, you owe us two fly bitches. TWO FUCKING FLY BITCHES DO YOU HEAR ME?
What the hell is a fly bitch? Hell if I know, most likely a young, scene/emo chick thats easy.
Heh, pretty much describes this fucking town
So you may be wondering why I am writing this, so am I.
Well first of all, Summer Rush this year sucks.
LMFAO are tolerable, as is headly. Why tolerable you ask? because I do like a song or two by each respective group. Is it worth paying 80 dollars to muddle through shit? Not likly unless this year the people I go with are:
1) 19 years old (or have a fake ID
2) Do not need me to drive once at the concert
3) Do not mind me being rather hammered
4) Would drink with me

Since the chances of that happening are rather slim, as are the chances of me going to sed concert. However, going to the after party may be worth it. One of my friends wants to spend a weekend at the palace anyways, could be amusing.

Problem with this concert is its geared towards emo young girls. Or as my friends call them 'fly bitches'
The definition of fly I believe is something along the lines of cool or awesome.
Whinny bitchy 13 year olds are not awesome, forgive me for not liking women that young, you fucking pedos. You know who you are.
Also, I hear one of you guys has a new girlfriend. Let her not end up like the one in truro. Remember, girls who are pregnant are bad news, and girls with children are MILFs, even if they are 18. Personally, the appeal of the MILF is the fact that they are OLDER than me. Bitch knows how to fuck.

OH! ALSO!
Hell of a flight last week, finally got it done. Took 2 people up for it, it took us about 5 hours to do it, and enroute one of my passengers had to fucking piss like a racehorse (or they thought they did) and tried to urinate into a barf bag, and failed. Failed because the lack of excretion at all, there was no piss to be pissed. IT was rather amusing. Then we saw a smoke stack, it was the pulp and paper plant, and I said, in my deepest most indian voice
"Kimbosabe, there be smoke signal"
(refrence the lone ranger, stop watching this crap on TV and look at some old stuff you fucking pricks)

Teh flight went well. (Yes copper top, tEh was intentional, do not go gramar nazi on me) Landed, took off, saw a hell of a turboprop plane, huge engine, powerful enough that when it went into beta range, the pilot was actually backing up his airplane. I have never seen a plane of that size move in reverse under its own power, with no one telling the pilot where he was at.

Mayhaps I'll start writing again, or actually put some actual effort into Lazerocock...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Its 400 in the morning. What is the most logical thing to do?

Well, this happened friday I guess
I think...yeah must have been friday. This is worse than drunken nights in university. I truly have no idea what day it is or any concept of time. I thought today was monday, I think. I really didnt know. The days start whenever I wake up and whenever I go to sleep. My schedule for flying is fucked. I could start my flight at any time of the day and there isnt much logic or consistancy with the scheduling. Thank god the weather sucked at my destination today. I needed the sleep, all 14 hours of it. and I am going to go for another 8-10 shortly. Anyways, story time.

Its 4 am, I have just cancelled my flight. I believe it was friday morning or saturday morning. Whatever, its so hard to tell at that time of day. I was driving home and I see flashing lights behind me, its the police. But then they stop flashing. I just keep driving. The lights get closer and I see the flashing again so I pull over. The cop pases me and I do the only logical thing that one can do. I gunned it and followed the cop. Just then, the song flirting with disaster comes on as I tear down the highway at 160-180 following this cop. I loose him eventually then I drive around talking to the drunk straglers who have the misfortune to still be out.
Thats about it actually

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Reflections on Cumdumpsters

To be honnest, I am not going to speak well of women in general in here. So if you are female, I would strongly suggest that you stop reading, and get in my bed.

You know, I have came to a amazing deduction in Team Fortress 2.
Women are keniving, manipulating (get it MANipulating, ok that was terrible)
They do the strangest things...using your body to get what you want, thats not bad. I admire women like that (because I am the generic asshole, and shallow). I suppose you want some sort of example.
Well, things women do to get attention I suppose...
First of all, they know guys like them, and what will they do? They will do things that try to make the guy jealous and want the women more. Hitting on friends, telling things to their best friend and not the guy, pretending to be interested in another guy, ect ect ect
Maybe they just ignore the guy, thinking he will try harder to win her affection.
Oh, about the dating other guys thing. You know what, maybe I am just immune to this shit, but if I chase after a cumdumpster and she goes after another guy I will do one of two things:
1) Get her to cheat on her boyfriend (easier to do than you would think)
2) Fuck off, there is twice as many women as men in this world and there is what, almost 10 billion people in this world, so there is about 6 billion women. That means atleast 1 billion women must be in my age group, and I dont think I can go through that many women in my lifetime (but I can sure as hell try)
Now about the first one, maybe i am fucked, but I know for a fact that every woman wants sex more than me. I can live without it, I have other diversions. And to be honnest, its the chase and the foreplay that is the most fun.
Another thing, why do women want nothing to do with you, then suddenly have intests in you? This one I cannot answer, but it most likely has to deal with them not being able to get anything better, or they have a boyfriend and realized that you are the better man (because, lets face it, those who read this know that they are the better man) Gentlemen, women like man need a last resport, a sort of fail safe. I figure thats where that comes from.
Now, I understand that this is generizing, maybe Im wrong. Doubt it though.
as I have said before, all women are lieing, cheating whores, the trick is finding a lieing cheatin whore that you can deal with for an extended amount of time.
I am going to hell and not getting laid for atleast a month because of this.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Rasputin

You know what? I am a little strange when it comes to video games (and not overly talented either, I only excel at a select few being Pokemon, Vigilante 8, Dynasty Warriors Gundam and Age of Empires 3) but that aside, I always try to find alternate ways of playing video games or deriving amusement from the game that may not otherwise be normally done (with the exception of Postal 2 where you can do anything) One of these endeavors was in fallout 3 where I ran around and put naughty nightware on every woman that I possibly could. (my first character was also an asian with ferociously red hait who ran around in lingerie with a sledge hammer). Anyways, my most recent form of amusement comes from Fable 1, and its an idea I have been kicking around for a while but I finally went through with it.

Recreate Rasputin, lover of the Russian Queen.

So, this character will be primarily a mage. He will me neutral, but more on the evil side. Enough to keep his hair dark and eyes red. (Because Rasputin had fucked up eyes)
His spells will include:

Drain Life
Turn Coat
Summon
Slow Time (maybe)
Force Push (maybe)
Heal Life (the guy fucking healed people)
Physical Shield (the guy was fucking hard to kill)
Infernal Wrath
Enflame
Fireball (maybe)
Lighting (maybe)

He will use the evil weapons (Obsidian katana most likely and Skorms bow)
He will also wear the Dark Will user robe and Dark wizard hat

What will he do? He will first of all, run around and kill everyone he can
then he will buy all the buildings in the town.
He will be good enough that women still want to fuck him, so he will get married, fuck the bitch, take her out back, kill her, remarry...ect

He will marry lady grey (i cant think of a person who doesnt)
he will own the bordello
He will kill all the main characters that he can:
Twin Blade
Whisper
Theresa
Thunder
Briar Rose
Guild Master

now, I am not sure if I can actually BEAT the game with a character like this, but I am certainly going to try. I just want to murder all the townsfolk, buy the entire town and fuck and kill as many women as possible.

BOOM! Also, he will go around getting people drunk and healing (making people like him so he can fuck their women then kill them)

This is Rasputin

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

News! From the Homefront!

I dont know if I put something up here on this, but I helped a friend move, and moved a cousin of his as well. Later on, the cousin's boyfriend (we will call him babybeater) shook her child. Since then what has happened? absolutley nothing. I see the asshole out in a nearby town, and I have to restrain my friend.
Yeah, we are assholes, but there are limits. Shaking defenceless children is one of them.

Now, there seem to be some mix up with news articles in the paper.
The first article said that he was arrested the 30th of november
the second that i am about to mention says 30th of december

could they be different people, possibly.
But what got me was both articles are talking about 20 year olds, both are talking about a child that was about a year old being assaulted and the same lawyer is working on both cases.

This is a callback to an earlier post where I said I hope that my town is the only place like it. I think they are talking about the same person, but the difference is the mother is now being charged with failing to provide essentials of life.

Yes, this is what happens when you dick shits cant be bothered to wear a condom.
Now, women in this town, as slutty as they are, seem to think that abortion and birth control is a bad idea. They dont want to kill children...
What the fuck? Are they semi spiritual? I am not one for half assing such things, so if they truely believe in that, then change their lives. But no, they still go out, get hammered, abuse drugs and alcohol, cheat on boyfriends...fuck the list goes on and on.

Finding a nice worth while girl around this county is very difficult. and the ones who are not stupid as mentioned above, they are usually bitches/cunts and are hard to tolerate for more than an hour at a time.

Like, what the fuck amherst?

Anyways, lets get away from the baby beating and move on to something more amusing.

Now, I like going out, yelling at people, causing a little ruckus. But these kids this weekend, took it miles further. I am not sure weather to be proud or to go vigilantie on their ass.

Let me say some of the minor stuff (things I think the fucking pigs over reacted to)

derogatory comments made over the internet
1) dont take it personally, its typing
2) if they lack the balls to say it to your face, they lack the balls for action so relax

youths hanging around
1)yeah they were around a school, but this shit assed town gives no one under the age of 19 anything to do, what the fuck do they think is going to happen?

disturbance on spring street
being loud, its the fucking weekend get used to it

public intoxication
its the weekend, how the fuck else do you get home if you live too close to bother with a cab?

barking dogs
for fucks sakes cops, if all this shit is going down and you expect dogs to be quiet? mayhaps you need to think a little more

now the major shit, things that if i knew about and was out that night, we may have been good guys for a change...

person at large
well looks like the cops are incomptient, atleast they are trying to do their jobs but how the fuck does someone just escape?

breaching prohibation
ok, this fuck should have been taken down, good on you APD

15 y/o girl gone missing
-well not really, she just went out without telling her parents so she could get drunk and laid most likely. they found her later. I have a feeling that my friends and their appartment was involved with this but I cant confirm anything yet. (Marty, do yourself a favor and get the fuck out of dodge. Brad, do yourself a favor and STAY AWAY FROM THE YOUNGER GIRLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!)

An open fire
as much as I love fires, do em outside of town, where the only thing you can burn is forest, instead of brick buildings

Death threats
dont ever tell anyone you want to kill them, just do it.

smashing a TV
I guess these kids have not learned from me. there are some things you just dont do in a town. if you want to light off fire works or destroy shit, find a secluded place far from any person and do it there.

robbing stores
yeah dont really have much on these, they were reported but looks like they got away with it.

finally, the biggest fucking one

possible sexual assault
are you fucking kidding me? i guess not, and as with shit like this nothing is being released. i find this one hard to believe. I know people are fucked up in this town, loud, crazy, wild whatever. but i never imagined any of them to be evil.

and as much as i hate on the police (i mean, they called in the entire fucking force to chase me down because i had a headlight that was out, and i didnt even try to run. and they pulled me over for signalling when i did, the cop backed off when the occupants of my car said he had his signal light on. Thank you Melissa, Brad, probiblay amanda, corie you know that crew) but they are doing their job. They responded to all of these calls, some of which i think are unnesscary, but others definitly were. but do you want to know why i think all this shit is going on?
a few weeks back, amherst had a major drug bust at the high school. the police finally did something about it, and its about damn time. but I have to wonder now, the police has changed the balance of power. drug dealers seem to be few and far between in amherst, a pleasant change. but now the youth have nothing to do, I think this is backlash. The police pushed, and these kids pushed back. now it will be a power struggle i think, until either the police give up because they cant keep up, or these kids grow up and get some fucking sense in their heads. either way, I dont think I will be going out on weekends and doing what I do. if the police are taking this stuff this seriously, then they will have little tolerance for a car full of 20 y/os listening to loud music and yelling random things at random people.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Lazer cock: Orgins

Eversince I was young, I knew I was different from the other kids.
Women would be staring at my groin then down my leg, I never understood it.
Until I was about 14 and had the wonderful talk about the facts of life. It was at that point that I realized that I was hung like an elephant.
My dick was tucked into my sock, and I was starting to find women attractive.
In an effort to avoid the embarrasment of having my huge dick protrude through my pants in a ripping fashion, I tried going gay.
Yeah, did not work to well either since many gay men look like women.
You know what though? With mental disipiline I learned not to be easily sexually aroused or seduced by women. I could resist them, but they could not resist me.
They wanted to touch it, to play with it to lick it.
But THEY DIDNT WANT TO FUCKING FUCK IT.
So now, you stare at possibly the most sexually deprived man on the planet. I have to use both my hands and a fucking fleshlight to get myself off in a reasonable ammount of time. Its quite the device actually...

Moving on, this is not the time to speak of my labeto, I finally lost my virginity when I was 18. It was at my prom party, and just like that scene from american pie, my best friends mother pounced, and I couldnt resist her. I had a weakness...MILFs.
The sex was great, she moaned like a whore as I rode here like a marry go round.

Moving on, now is no the time to speak of loosing ones virginity. Because, as beautiful as that woman was, she was not the woman I loved. The woman I loved was my age (my friends always harrased me, for going for older women or women my age while they banged younger women). She was a scientist, she was the reason I went to university and majored in physics and chemistry (some crazy assed shit to pull just for a woman)
but this one was different. She never looked at my cock, and she was beautiful, the perfect example of what a woman should be. Dark hair and dark eyes, round soft ass and gargantuan, earth shattering boobies. (Writers note: ZING! I bet those who know me were expecting a redhead!)

Yeah, I like boobs.
Or do I like asses?
Asses are needed, but breasts are much more fun. They are soft, warm, make and excellent pillow and if you need a drink, its right there.

allright, moving on from breasts.

I suppose you are wondering who I am, well if you cant be bothered to read the title. I am lazer cock, protector of anal virginities.

Bored as fuck asshole...

Well, time to let you know the epicness that has happened over the last few weeks...
Let us start with a tale of the Generic Asshole, when he(I) was not being an asshole.
It started 2 weeks ago, I was on my way home from class and my komrade asked for a boost. So I boosted his car and went on my way. Then my best friend needed help moving. So I gathered up a small army of men and we helped him move into his new place. Then we got McDicks. Now, I have loved the truro mcdonalds. The women were attractive and nice to us. And they put up with the shit of the idiots in the back of my car. They learned a very valueable lesson. Women belong in the kitchen, but dont be stupid when they are making your food, or they may poision you. My friend got food poisioning. We went back to my friends old place, we had to move some few remaining things out, and this guy fucking puked up a mountain on the side of his house. Im talking inches of brown shit that was once a double quarter pounder. Fuck, he was not in great shape. We threw him in the front seat of the car and drove to the new place. My frieng gave us some pepto to ease his stomach and i grabbed some water and gravol to make sure he had a comfortable trip home (and to also prevent me from having to clean up any shit/puke that may have ended up on my upholstery) So that was that weekened, went out a few times but more or less stayed in. Studied my ass off for my 6 or 7 finals i had the next 3 days.
Got through em, and saw Iron Man 2

IRON MAN 2 REVIEW (no spoiliers)
As far as sequals go, this one is awesome. You will notice that rhodes is played by a different actor this time, but dont worry. The character is not ruined, and this guy has possibly improved on the origional actors performance. It has everything you want and need in a sequal, love/romance, introduction of new characters, evolution of main characters, elaboration on minor characters in the first movie, a pretty good villan, several assholes that everyone loves to hate and finally lots of fucking robots blowing the shit out of their surrondings and each other.
Watch it.

Now, wilderness survival camping trip...
We were so pumped about this trip. And the class seemed like it could handle it.
Well we were sort of right...the rain kinda killed some of us. Only 7 out of the 18 of us were drenched, the others were pretty dry. 2 were near hypothermia. It really wasnt too bad, it was alot of fun actually. Allthough, my lean-to was like that really hot blonde you fucked.
You want to take a picture to remember that you had that and fucked that.
But you also want to forget it because it let you down and cheated on you.
The lean-to, had 6-8 hours of work put into it, and my kmorade and I still ended up soaked and cold. Other people ran into the same problem, tarps were failling.
Allthough before the torrential rain, that was alot of fun. Made fires, cooked meals, we actually pulled off a fire in the pouring rain.
Its called kerosene, and apparantly it doesnt explode.
Well, you learn something new every day.

Now, on to today, its monday. I had a flight. I looked at the forcast, ceiling according to the text forcast is 2000' and according to the graphical forcast, its 2500'. The minimum altitude I am allowed to do this flight at is 3000'. So they gave me a no show. I am going to fucking kill that dispatcher. In hindsight, the weather isnt too bad. It seems to be holding at 3000' so I could have went. However, at this school if the forcast weather is below minimums, you must be 1 hour away from it (ie leave or arrive one hour before its forcast to go to shit)
and its forcasting shit all day more or less.

So, to that dispatcher, fuck off. I am not driving to school to be there for 3 or 4 am for a flight that you will not let me go on. Dont be a moron.

Christ, if I ever am a dispatcher, I promise to have half a braincell and actually look at the weather...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Reflections

As I sit here this morning, I reflect on my life.
More specifically what happens where I grew up. Now, I seem like a huge douchbag to all of you, but in actuality, from where Im from, I am only in the middle. let me elaborate.

Sex is common, fine it is everywhere, isnt it? Friends pass around women like they would the last bottle of beer. When people break up, they go out and look for a rebound fuck. Everything is about getting laid, people cheat (I among them obviously), fuck around, protected sex unprotected sex, sex with minors, I have heard of alot of things happening such as this in my town. This can almost be considered normal if you were an adult.
We are talking about kids here, as long as I can remember, women started at 12, guys started at 14-16 and this is how it went. Use a woman, get into a negative relationship revolving only around sex, get bored, find someone new, relationship becomes more negative, break up, fuck someone different as a rebound, then fuck the girl you were cheating on with the first one...but causally have sex with the rebound, get bored with both find someone new...ect
Now, some of us have gone through this cycle much faster than others (myself, and 2 friends as for us to get laid in that town by someone new would take alot more effort than its worth. We have fucked up, and I dont know about them, but there are times when I wish, a long time ago, that I didnt get involved in this cycle, mayhaps dated women where the relationship would have lasted a year of more. And as my old room mate said "Screwing around like this when your young is a habit, and if you keep it up you wont be able to break it when your older"
By no means am I 'old'. Im only old to those still in the '-teen' stages. But will I want to settle down in the future? Have a family. This nonesense still seems a long ways away, but there are certain requirements for that, a family needs a mother figure, a stable and safe environment for children and a job, houses, mortgages...hours to spend time with them.
Given what happens in this town, for this generation, can any of us be reliable parents? There are some good people around here, and I know some people that have changed. but out of the maybe 10000 young people i am talking about, this is a very small number. Worst of all, these young girls get pregnant, and raise the kid without a father, because a) they are all dead beats (which means he got the hell out of dodge when she said she was knocked up) or b) they really are dead beats c) they just broke up. Now this cycle continues, except there is children involved. What do you think these kids are going to be like when they get older?
Exactly, like this generation.
This really needs to stop, and I hope to god that this is only normal where I am from, otherwise, we are in alot of trouble

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The New Adventures of Lazer Cock

It has been suggested that the green beam is radio active. That works, makes sense and can be a useful tool to get your enemies to die a slow painful death, so i have decided not to do this. The green beam makes enemies stoned. Its perfect.

Lazer cock will be using a wide array of weapons besides the lazer. He will have a sword, a knife and a grappling hook. He will fight the evils of some guy who rapes womens asses (i had a really brialliant name for him last night)
and lazer cocks weakness: MILFs

such as:
Stifflers Mom
Dawn Allison (his favorite pornstar)
Carol from Countdown (not who your thinking of, fuck ass)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

LAZER COCK!

I would like to tell you about a new super hero that I made (no I was not drunk when this happened)

I had my headlamp, and realized something. If turned upside down it resembled a thong. So I put it on as such, and now It looked like I had a light on my belt buckle. Multi coloured light on front, red on back. It was on my belt buckle, but it was a thong so I decided that I am shooting light from my dick, and voila, lazer cock is born. He has many lights.

A White light, a flashing white light, a red light, a flashing red light, a green light and blue light on the front

and on the back it has a red light or flashing red light.

Now what does each light do you ask?

White light - blinds enemies
Red light - burns enemies
Blue Light - freezes enemies
Green light -

the flashing variety functions as a distraction as well as the origional functions.

Lazercock fights not only with his croch mounted lazer weapon, but with a sword and a knife

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What?!?! Women are not objects to be used for our pleasure as men?

Hello to all those who can be fucked to read this, and those who cannot.
I am going to have sex with your girlfriends, and inpregnate them. Then blame you, so you better fucking read this, asshole.
I am the asshole of the generic variety and I am going to start a religion, where our holy text is "I hope they serve beer in hell" and our God be Tucker Max. If I ever get off my lazy ass, I may just make a shrine to him. Anyways I suppose you want to know whats happening.
Well we finally get some beautiful fucking weather, too bad I was in class all day. Mother Nature; Fuck you. And I would too, mother nature would be the ultimate milf. Imagne a combination of Dawn Allsion (my favorite canadian porn star)and Stifflers Mom (my favorite milf) were combined into one being. You get the picture.
For the next seven days the forcast predicts heavy drinking by all VFR pilots.
Fucking figures.
Anyways, about women...
So, some girl follows me and I decide to be an asshole. She has to be off the roads by midnight. I lead her astray, in the ass end of the neighbouring province. To teach them a lesson: Do no fuck with me.
They didnt learn it, so they kept on my ass until about 12:15. We are in a town, close to the highway and I being to lead them to home. They decide to take their own way and follow the idiot in the car and his crackberry GPS.
Great, so they end up trying to go uphill on a 4 wheeler trail. The car gets stuck, in an attempt to free the car, my friend gets his foot rand over (and car stays on the foot because women cant drive.)
protip, there be no kitchen in cars, so stay the fuck out of cars. Christ, this girls mother even told her to get back to the kitchen. Anyway they eventually find their way out and get home. Plus side to this woman, she has figured out to give good head.
Speaking of blow jobs, do you know what I cant stand? Bitches who THINK THAT SUCKING A DICK IS GROSS. FUCK WOMAN, SO ME SHOOTING OFF A BUNCH OF PROTIENS INTO YOUR VAGINA AND SHIT BEING MIXED UP IS NOT GROSS WHAT IN THE SWEET FUCK IS WRONG WITH GIRLS LIKE THIS. Oral sex is a healthy part of a relationship, and I do no mind eating out pussy to get my dick sucked. Problem is, bitches who only give out blow jobs if you eat them out (or are stupidly horny) are usually women with dirty, rotten, bad tasing vaginas. Like the kind of vagina i need to have a pink peppermint in my mouth to not gag at how fucking sour it is. I have been lucky as I have only tasted two bad vaginas in my life, and in hind sight, both relationships were bad ideas, but seemed like a good idea at the time.
Protip: women who have bisexual tendencies or are lesbians (and i mean hard core, not the every girl is kinda bisexual shit like the ones who eat pussy and love it) usually have bad tasting vagina. So, another pro tip, if you dont like the smell. You will not like the taste. The only thing that should be stuck in ansuses are dicks. Thats right, I approve of anal sex, or attempted anal sex (its fucking hilarious!)
I also approve of tits, so am I an ass man or tit man? hard to say. I like both.
I think I am more of a woman man, because I like woman.
Blonde, Redhead, Brown, Brunette
Big tits, small tit, dat ass
black, white asian, indian
american canadian
nova scotian, islander, newfoundlander
amherst, sackville, moncton

You know, if said correctly (by said I mean yelled) with a rhythm, that is quite poetic.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Its been a long time

Almost as long as my dick.
Thats right, its scale is so huge that I use DAYS to measure it, not inches (or centimetres for those insecure pricks)

PROTIP!
12 cm != 12 inches

Fuck

Well lets see, alot has happened in the last little while. I think I may be in love
(Oh shi-)
Yeah, isnt that a sign of the appocolypse or some shit like that? meh, whatever.

ON TO THE STORIES!
I used to do a quasi blog called DJ Drifters University Survival Guide. Basically It chronicled my adventure at university and the misadventures. Sometimes where I was the primary character, or where I was a third party to witness this shit. I think I may put some of those up, there is some good lessons to be learned there.

Now, adventure in flight school.
You may believe me to be possibly the biggest douche bag around. Well close, in my class (we are all pricks by times) there are 2 people who rival me in doucebaggerty. But they only target one person really, where as I go after everyone. They (like me) just have a deep hatred for this guy. Anyways, I suppose you want to know why this is relevant. Simple: I kept track of who said what, and everytime someone said something douchbaggetrish, I put down a Mark. And my fuck, we re we ever high. 1 student had 19, the INSTRUCTOR had 14 and I had less than 10 I think. (hey, I take class quasi seriously. I have 6 loves in life)

In order of importance:
Flying
DJing
Video Games
Sleep
Food
Women

mind you, these change from time to time... but thats generally how it goes.

Holey Shit! I can label this stuff? This may be worth while...

Anyways more flying stories. A plane tried to kill me.
My first night flight to a big airport. The way there is a blast, I overfly my house and rock my wings for my mother and I head to the location.
About halfway across the bay, my engine starts running rough, almost sounding like its stopping. I do what I can (what should solve the problem) and I continue on. I land and check out the plane, nothing seems out of line. Later I learned that this plane doesnt like low power settings. Its may power is 2600 rpm, Im not sure what makes 2200 rpm a low power setting, but when the plane feels like its about to tell you to fuck off, you listen to it.

Now that rattled me, I would be lieing to you if I said I was not stressed about it. Im glad my lovely first officer was there, I would have frozen if I had been by myself I think. (the responsibility of other peoples lives gives you the motivation not to fuck up) Because of this, I thought I got lost and was horribly off track. I later looked at my map and though through it logically...and I was basically on track, off by a few degrees and maybe 1 mile, if that. FUCK!
I was too busy looking at the ground and my map to notice THAT MY NOSE WAS ALMOST POINTED AT MY DESTINATION AND I COULD SEE THE FUCKING CITY LIGHTS.

I was very dissapointed in myself after that. :(

Anyways moving on, so I have alot more flights. Over the past 2 weeks (and by past 2 weeks I mean one week ago and the two weeks before that)
I was basically flying once a day, for a minimum of 2 and a half hours. I went from having 100 hours to having 13-something hours. I fly more than I drive (and I drive 30-45 minutes to get to school then another 30-45 to get home)
That is fucked, anyways one day my komrades and I ask for sunday off.
Thats right, you know whats comming.

My first officer has been after me to get hammered, she wanted to see me really inebriated (I dont fucking know why)
So, I had 2 quarts. One of Voldka, one of Spiced Rum. For mix, there was redbull and dr. pepper (Iced tea and spice rum tastes fucking great! Dr. P and spiced rum, not so much)

So I got hammered. Smoked some cigarellos, and had a drag of a cuban. Shot the shit, listened to music, danced around like a fool and promoted the shocker.

It was a good fucking night, someone offered me some weed, but Im a pilot. I draw the line there.

Maybe it was at this party I fell in love, maybe before.

Or maybe I am just sleep deprived and need to bash my head against something hard.

Like JAmes' dick. MMmmm I love fire crotches :)

Until I remember/bother to write again.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Fucking Idiots

So, they made a group harrasing an aquantce of mine
I cant call this guy a friend, because we have only hung out once, a regular 4chan browser, a dick head, who really doesnt care what he says or does. he just does it for the lulz.
this man has my utmost respect
anyway, he has pissed off enough people that they made an anti-him facebook group, whick does to him what he does to others.
do these fucking idiots think that this will bother him? a group of people hating him.
he knows he is hated, he doesnt care what you think. grow the fuck up and take it as it was meant to be, a fucking joke.

onto my instructor, the mother licking cunt mongler has told me to cancel my flights an hour before hand, even if its the fucing acpolypse happening i still need to be there.
NEWS FLASH
I am not going to be there unless it looks like a good chance of good weather
AND THE FUCKING DISPACHERS WILL LET ME GO
ultimately they are responsible for the planes, and if they say no there is shit all that I can do about it.
it would seem that there needs to be a woman to direct my hatred and anger, since my former music teacher died (the fucking cunt) in a rather shitty way, it looks like my instructor has filled the void.
fan fucking tastick.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Alot of Shit

Well first of I I accidently hit enter before I typed anything, fuck.
So this article has a little bit of everything

Kiss a pilot Day, Car crashes into truck, amazing flight, and the generic asshole on relationships. This is going to be a long one.

Lets start with kiss a pilot day, its also known as fuck a pilot day ant it is the 13th of february, this is so that pilots can get laid without getting sloppy seconds (or seventeenths) on valentines day, this also relates to an earlier post about aids and how pilots and relationships do not work (will be discussed later) Unfortuneatly the girl to guy ratio is a little lack lustre, so one girl got kissed by 10 guys...and the guys had to kiss each other in some cases. Pretty shitty when we dont shave unless we absolutely have to. Anyhow, moving on.

Car Crashes into truck.
So heres the set up. A tow truck is parked on the side of the road, 2 punk assed kids from oxford (likly 16-18 years old) are driving around and they hit the truck, one of them is now in the hospital.
I was just invinted to a facebook group to press charges against the tow truck driver (the girlfriend of the guy in the hospital made it)
ok lets see this, 2 kids, most likly inexperienced drivers, driving too fast, driving stupid and not paying attention hit a parked tow truck. and they want the tow truck driver to be charged? you know what? I hope those fucking kids in the hospital die, gets some bad and stupid fucking drivers off my damn roads.

The flight
this one is a little more light hearted. First its a cluster fuck day, first attempt is cancelled due to low ceilings, second attempt is delayed due to lack of aircraft and as i am getting ready for the third attempt i am told I can have the plane now, and only now. So i run over and get my co-pilots, do a weight and balance and walk around in less than 5 minutes. fastest preflight ever.
We take off, I go under the hood (foggles, it means i can only see the flight instruments and not outside the aircraft) and my co-pilots become my eyes, making sure that I dont do anything too stupid. Well first of all, one of them puts on another pair of foggles, no ninja girl (yeah from an earlier post, we get along now :) ) is our eyes as I make turns and navigate with just my instruments.
A guy comes on the radio, he says he is in a location, and I am 500-600 kilometres away from him, I respond to his posistion report with "this is [aircraft callsign] no conflict" ninja gurl wants to hit me and calls me an asshole as myself and glace bay laugh our asses off. Then we head in, ninja gurl suggested that we do to avoid getting hit by another aircraft (dick head nearly hit us anyway, damn asians)
anyways on our way in I realize that I had some time to kill so we did some circuits. On take off we see a beautiful fighter jet parked outside of tower, I say its an f-18 but the tail section looks like a f-22, we ask tower to identify that pretty little jet outside of them and guess what? the asshole was right! It was an f-18. on landing we ask tower permission to taxi to the f-18 for pictures, then on our way to school I asked dispatch why he did not advise of student traffic on the tarmat (there was like 100 asians getting their picture taken) glace bay encouraged me by saying 10 points a asian. now that is what I call a damn good flight.

Anyways now on to relationships.
I think I am schitofrinic, or however the fuck you spell that.
I went from caring for someone deeply to hating them, wanting to torture them and kill/torture everyone they cared about, in 5 minutes. This cannot be healthy, speaking of going from love to hate, all of my friends either broke up or got into fights with their respective cumdumpsters this weekend, valentines day, fucking figures. Me, personally when I loose a girl I just think of how much more attractive and better the next one that I will fucking in the next 2 or 3 days. And a new girl just seems to come out of no where when this happens, so what do I care.
Maybe its my pilot thinking, things that dont matter, the runway behind you, the fuel you have burned and the altitude and airspeed you dont have. It can be applied to women, the ones you left behind (your ex girlfriends), the ones you have wasted (fucked up relationships), and finally the ones you dont have anymore.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Booty Call

Let me tell you about the most fucked up booty call Ive ever been on.
First off all, the girl my friend wants to bang is stupidly young. Now, I am now going to knock him, wait I am. YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING FUCK! DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW SICK THAT IS, CONSIDER HOW FUCKING YOUNG SHE IS, MY FUCK I OUGHT TO SLICE YOU INTO 12 PIECES WITH A GOD DAMN SAMUARI SWORD YOU FUCKING PEDO! STAGA-FUCKING-TORY RAPE MUCH!
Allright, second of all we had to drive to get her. I am not talking about 15 minutes to her house, Im talking about a fucking hour drive to a nearby town.
So we go, first of all, I am delayed.
I need to pick up my mom from work, and they worked her overtime, 1 hour late.
My car's battery is refusing to hold its charge, it died, 1 hour late
The trip, at legal speeds 1 hour (in our case 35-40 min)
So there we are, enroute when the fucking whore sends us a text
"Ill meet you at 630, i am having supper"
My fuck, we would have been waiting around 2 hours if we were on time, so I slow down
Pleanty of time.
We get there, and are still 30 min early, so we visit a friend while we wait for the oversized incubator to give my friend a text.
We eventaully recieve the text, only to realize that she lied. They did not have a place to fuck, and they are not fucking in my fucking car, that is where i do my fucking. So we go back to my friends appartment (because i am tired of driving around this underaged slut) I feel fucking disgusting because of you
GO AFTER OLDER WOMEN YOU STUPID FUCK!
Anyways, things get awakward, they are holding hands, I am texting my anger to the 2 other guys in the room, and the whole time this bitch has been dropping hints that she is pregnant with her boyfriends child (yeah thats right, she has a boyfriend, and wants to fuck my friend...bad idea, and I fucking warned him)
I used the man code to get the fuck out of that, and it worked.
On the way home I told my friend that she is pregnant, and there is nothing more messy than a sexual relationship with a knocked up woman, especially she is still with the fuck who couldnt hold it in and be bothered to wear a god damned condom. Well she cant be bothered to take the fucking pill, so I am kinda hoping she dies in child birth, one less dumb slut on this planet.
Anyways, shes 16, pregnant, blue eyes, black hair, physically meh, a 7/10 at best.
Personality, a little cocky, very annoying...so overall an 8 maybe.
Anyways, she wants to fuck my friend
she knows she may be pregnant, and seems to be lieing to my friend, further proving that poligmay is the way to go as i said in my previous post.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Its been a while

Yep, you fucking guessed it, nothing has happened but something has happened to me, a change, re-enlightenment (for those of you who missed the womanizing and pro-poligamy generic asshole, hes back)
I had a dream, a dream where I was out and about, driving around in bizzo-ville. I was with a friend, and two women. One of these girls was about to get married (oh yeah, it gets better) and she was fucking hot, but out of respect for her future husband I kept away from her, lord knows every guy was dieing to be like that lucky fuck. anyways as I am driving around, a pass by a bear the size of my car, for some strange reason we get out further ahead and the girl starts running towards the bear. I stop her and we end up running the other direction, towards a fucking wedding store. So my friend and I have just been drug along in for shopping. This is where the bride pounces on me in a wedding dress. I reject her saying, no its not right and i have a girlfriend. Then these two girls, (bride and bridesmaid now that I think of it) start asking out opinion of lingerie. fuck, anyways when this mess is all over we go out and get in my car, where i see my girlfriend fucking another guy in her car. I roll down my window and proclaim 'slut'. (ive had some fucked up shit on my mind lately it would seem) and at this point i regret not fucking the fucking bride.
anyways the wedding goes and my friend and I are behind the scenes (sound guys i think) anyways the wedding is not going as planned, people are breaking shit, sounds cutting out and we are running around trying to make things work.
Anyways after the wedding the bride promises me sex (well threatens really...I think im going to get raped) and my friend and I get into the car and venture off, at this point i find my girlfriend, we 'get back together' and get married.
I wake up screaming and covered with sweat, pretty bad fucking dream
Anyway, this dream has changed me, well changed me back to what I was. I made a new years resolution to be more monogomous. Fuck that shit, ill go to the gym instead.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Its been one week

since I last made a post here
well you will never fucking guess what
thats right, nothing noteworthy happened.
Got some flights in, the air was as smooth as a shaven vagina, and the flight as good as sex with a virgin.
So calm winds, clear skies, it was a really fun night and I didnt get lost!
WHOO!
Now onto a douchish thing I did
I bumped into a volswagon, accidentially.
While trying to dodge a truck a honda civic revered and gave a reverse love tap to a golf
no damage, and we werent douches about so yay for being nice :)
...
well we blew shit up in electronics and I was severely sleep deprived on thursday or friday
...
yeah thats about it

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Reproductive Weekend

5 day until friday, thank fucking god.
well, lets start at the begenning shall we?
Its friday, and im at dispatch, flying planes, killing time waiting for flights to be cancelled.
And then I get home at 3 am. Im pretty fucking tired so I treat myself to some cold pizza and late night futurama.
I go to sleep, and have some mighty fucked up dreams. MFC trains people in rotary wing only. Scarry.
Anyways, now the fun begins.
ITS SATURDAY! and I work.
So I wake up and kill time until about 1. When my sister gets home, I borrow her van and head in to get the sound equipment.
I come home, with time to kill yet again so I decide to see what music i need to download.
I plug in my external hard drive, and it doesnt work
Fuck.
For hours I tried to get it to work, and I think the power supply is shot. FUCK
well atleast if I can get the power fixed I can get the data off of it.
Anyways, its 2 hours before set up now and I am downloading like a fucking fiend
I have 433 songs at the dance, I am going to be relying heavily on requests.
I search up the bare essentials, songs that will be played and songs I need.
I get them and off to the races.
Its no 6pm, I lug in my stuff and set it up.
It is 7pm...I start at 9
Fuck Im bored
Anyways, fast forward to 9pm, the dance starts.
There was 133 people confirmed for this, 110 tickets sold with another 70 sold at the door.
It was packed, it was hot
and those fuck tards gave me a fog machine hahaahhahahahahahaha!
What a briallant idea :)
The fog, the lights, the bass, the alcohol
There was drunken, promiscuous women, dressed provocatively.
I have this game I like to play its called "thats not your boyfriend/girlfriend"
referencing to people dancing with others on the dance floor, people who they are not fucking
this game changed to
That was not who you were dancing with 5 minutes ago (and still not your boyfriend/girlfriend)
you are not making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend
that is not who you were making out with 5 minutes ago (still not the boyfriend/girlfriend)
bigelows women really whored it up last night, and I am not surprised.
There is a reputation that they have developed from previous parties of being complete sluts it seems
Have I told you how much I love my job?
Anyway, the story does not end there. I had a few drinks (2 to be exact, rum and coke and a voldka lime, and a sip of voldka redbull at the begenning of the night)
so I clean up, have some pizza/garlic fingers at the after party and venture off to my former work place, the pub.
Guess what fuckers, I get free cover and cheap drinks.
I love life :)
Anyways I go there and meet some of my former co-workers.
They seem happy to see me (they dont see me often so its nice)
The first thing that one of them does is pounces on me (promiscuous, provocatively, pouncing) I fucking love alteration. and starts making out with me,
It was her birthday, maybe birthday sex was in order...
there goes my new years resolution of being more monogimous.
anyways she then shoves me into her glorious h cups
I fucking love my job
Makes out with me more, and lets me get a drink.
I dont fucking know what scooter gave me, but he gave me my shot of JD, and thats all that mattered :)
Had another sip of a new drink
So far this makes 3 mixed drinks, 2 sips, 1 shot...so maybe 4.5 drinks...over a peroid of 8 hours
I have to fly later, i dont want to get impared.
Anyways I head back to bigelow for a few minutes for some much needed mario kart, then I head home.
all in all, a pretty good fucking weekend. I have been asked to do another dance at the end of february and another dace sometime (possibly)
Also, a note to all women A DJ will play your song if you: make out with him/her, hanjob, blowjob, promise of sex after. For the men and women, bring the DJ a drink, your song will get played.
Also, on a side note, i am getting ripped so I can DJ shirtless/pantsless/underwearless because its really fucking hot behind sound equipment. That is all.

-The Asshole of the Generic Nature

Friday, January 15, 2010

ITS FUCKING FRIDAY!

...and I just came in my pants.
Well, today was school...hell of a drive.
Class was class, our electronics teacher continues his crusade of being a bigger dick than the rest of us, which is amazing.
Played with electricity, the Ginger tried numerous times to zap myself and the french fuck.
Oh and I had my life threatened by Gingers new roommate.
Oh, I met their new room mate, I am going to call her ninja girl (for her threats to kill me and ninjas were assassins)
I should point out that I may or may not have laied on the horn at their house, which hypotehically may have woken her up.
I am going to fucking kill that guy
those were the first words she said to me.
Well its said that many good relationships are based on lies and deception, since that is where they usually end up, it seems to be a logical place to start.
Maybe violence and blind hatred will work as well, and even if it doesnt, fuck it, it will be interesting either way.
So now, everytime I see that red headed fuck, I have to be on the watch out for projectile shoes, shurikens and frying pans
so I will need to study my enemy and know her weakness, so i can defeat her...
what the fuck am i going on about?
Right, flying.
So flights tonight, becaue fucking sexy wants me to fly her around with a blindfold on.
heh, sounds like alot of fun actually ;)
I was supposed to have a long one with her (a flight!) and the ceiling is dropping like a rock so it wont happen.
and right now I need to make arrangements with the fairer sex before a fucking purse comes out my mouth, the ammount of faggotry (literally, like the act of acting homosexual) has been really hight in my corner of the room...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Fucking Faggots

Its been a long stretch of days
and basically nothing amusing has happened in any of them
Class, flight...lack of sleep
But!
Finally, today shit happened. Shit thats funny and worth noting!
Well first of all, there is class, where our instructor is a bigger prick than we are and it just terrible the things that happen.
First of all, a war
2 classmates were having a paper ball fight, and between them stood the generic asshole, the french fuck and ginger. So they are throwing shit at each other (out of rage the redhead attacked the quebecker from time to time)
This went on all afternoon, just fireing paper balls everywhere, either our teacher doesnt care or finds it amusing. He must know though.
Anyways, about the title, the homosexual quotient of our class was terrible today.
We were all acting gay, and not just a little, like fucking flaming. Ginger was touching my leg lovingly today, and to be fair, it kinda scared me.
I was also constantly saying " was it good for you " to about everything they did, impling homosexuality.
Also, we were doing alot of talking and texting in the class...to each other...
yeah, thats pretty fucking gay (considering the girl to guy ratio is 2 to 18)
its a fucking sausage fest.
One classmate was talking like he was from sanfransisco, and we spoke of AIDS
(Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome) so since we all have girlfriends, I have come to the realization that we are all going to marry these women
fuck the shit out of them
maybe reproduce (provided we dont ingest anymore glycol than we already have)
and then they cheat on us, and we cheat on them
as pilots we are away alot, so the wife/husband gets lonely
we get lonely
relationship goes to shit
people start cheating and drinking
and boom, this is why alcoholism and divorce rates are so high among pilots (i have yet to find any actual evidence that proves that statement) but i guess this is common knowledge.
Then, pilots get married again, and dont fuck up this relationship.
god, I hope this doesnt happen. The wife is the only thing preventing me from becoming more of a complete ass than i already am.
Oh, on a side note, we have a new nick name for our furry red friend (i am not sure if he shaves)
but because he was on his fucking mistral cycle, he bitched us out and threatened to kick our ass (funny because the french fuck grabbed a hold of his hand, and gave it a good crack) and incapicated it for a few seconds (maybe even minutes). also, there may or may not have been a nerf sword being swung out a hypothetical honda civic, at pilot of course. This sword may or may not have blocked an incomming snowball.
I felt like a fucking jedi after i pulled that shit off.
so long story short

Pilots acting like faggots
Paperball war between desks
AIDS sucks
The Generic Asshole DOES indeed have a soft spot for the fairer sex
New nickname for Ginger
The Generic Asshole pulls off a fucking Jedi move