Friday, February 15, 2013

To the movies

Dealing with womenfolk will continue as I think of or discover things Now it is time for the movies Since twilight has ended (Possibly, Ive heard rumours that they may make more movies) Perhaps more movies is a good thing, exploring the actual plot and not 2 dimensional love story between 2 boring, unlikeable characters. THIS LIKELY DOES NOT CHANGE FROM THE NOVELS TO THE BOOKS. Also the leading lady (dont ask me to spell, I will fuck it up) I question her ability to act. But now, there is 2 movies that can potentially fill the void of twilightlessness Beautiful Creatures and Warm Hearts My friends think both look equally silly, chick flicky, ect. Gentlemen these are the types of movies you show a girl if you want her to fuck you like a pornstar in heat later that evening. I will review whatever movie I see (probability beautiful creatures) But here is what I know Beautiful Creatures, its about witches, and how all witches when they come of age must choose between the light and darkness. Now, does that mean they are good or evil? Fuck if I know, but lets look at this like the force. You can use the dark side of the force, but that does not make you evil (see any of the video games) And the dark side powers are always more useful in combat. The light side powers are useful for support. So about these witches, the girl must choose, but she meets a boy, she loves him. Because she loves him, she will be evil. Listen, I understand that love makes people do stupid fucking things BUT CAN WE PLEASE GET AWAY FROM THIS IDEA THAT LOVE IS EVIL. LOVE IS NOT EVIL, IT IS SELFLESSNESS IN ITS PUREST FUCKING FORM. IF YOU ARE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR ONE PERSON, THAT IS USUALLY A GOOD THING. Love does not drive people to be evil, it drives them to be better. The idea of jedi not being allowed to love or fuck is a similar idea to monks or priest, it is a sign of dedication. NOT A SIGN OF FUCKING EVIL OR WEAKNESS. Anyways a 'dark' (and Im pretty sure evil) witch is trying to get her to be a dark witch because the main character is some prodigy (surprise, surprise) Thats about all I got from the trailers, but I can tell you how it is probably going to go. Main Character is either light or both, kicks the ass of the evil dark witch, and movie ends with her kissing the leading male. I may be wrong about the alignment, but im fairly confident on the last 2. There also appears to be magic battles, perhaps those could be fun to watch, but I have a feeling they may be like the 'epic fight scene' at the end of twilight. You know who you are who told me this, I will never forgive you. That is what I dont like about chick flicks (romantic-anything) they are usually predictable, like horror movies, but atleast in horror movies you dont know how people are going to get gutted. If you can look at your watch and guess how far you are into the movie, you can predict it. This probably goes for just about any movie, but if I enjoy it I dont give a fuck. This could be a trilogy of movies, in which case the simple plot of what side do I choose, should I stay with him or not, and shitty climatic battle will be drawn out over 2 more movies which I will be dragged to because this dick doesnt fuck itself. The second (and better choice in my opinion) is Warm Bodies This is a zombie flick (Because zombies are not being over done lately, books, movies, games, tv shows, it seems to have gotten worse in the last 5 years) The main character is a zombie, the trailers suggest that alot of this is seen from his perspective and therefore his dialogue is voiced over, what he is thinking. Anyway, he sees this blond (ITS ALWAYS FUCKING BLONDS, HOLLYWOOD I DEMAND MORE REDHEADS) and instead of killing her, he saves her. Love at first sight, more like down to fuck. Anyways as they hang out (he is an undead stalker basically) Love resurrects him, and resurrects other zombies. Why is this more tolerable, there is 2 types of zombies, undead corpses and ghouls from fallout (basically) The ghouls are the enemies of everyone, and there appears to be gunfights, and humour. Why this is not tolerable, love does not conquer all. YOU CANNOT MAKE A DECOMPOSING CORPSE ALIVE AGAIN NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT. Good god it is immoral to fuck a corpse. I think that is actually what my friend doesnt like about it, love is making zombies hearts beat again and make them human again, SHIT IS FALLING OFF AND ROTTING OFF, LOVE CANNOT FIX THAT. But you know what, I have seen alot of silly movies, and illogical movies and one thing remains the same. Movies and video games are not for logic or realism, they are for entertainment. If the movie is entertaining and funny, I can overlook(somewhat) this huge flaw. So I guess, Id rather see warm bodies, it looks like it could be funny, and there is gunplay. But impossibly illogical, demons from hell would be better (You know what Im talking about) Beautiful Creatures, love story, choosing between good and evil and if you choose love you are evil, yeah Im probabily not going to enjoy it, but who knows, maybe these films will surprise me.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Dealing with womenfolk

Ok gents, here are a list of things I have learned about women, either from experience or from others. 1) When a girl says nothing, it always means something. No matter the context Women are unable of actually thinking about or doing nothing. 2) When a girl says she does not want something obviously girly (and it seems too good to be true) then it is. Get it for her Women say they dont want a gift, or a ring, or flowers, or chocolates or valentines day. They usually do, they feel saying they dont will make you love them more, and besides they liked to be surprised 3) Girls like being surprised Pretty self explanatory 4) Girls hate being bored Pretty self fucking explanatory 5) Girls rarely ever contact you first, they like getting phone calls, text, ect first They like to think that you are still chasing after them or some shit like that. 6)

Couple of things

First of all, there is atleast 2 different things today (I know, semi organization what the fuck is this) IT is to confuse you less my one devoted reader. First of all, thank god for restrictions on facebook it makes womanising so much easier, it prevents them from finding out about one another and limits what they can say and do on your wall! Which is great for this time of year, if you have multiple women...around valentines day, you are a fucking tool. Every bitch wants flowers and chocolate and cuddles and kinky sex Thats another thing that bugs me, why do women feel that valentines day is somehow special enough that they will be clean shaven and do crazy fun shit in bed that you may have suggested before when it is expected out of you, as a man, to do whatever she wants all the time. Valentines day is hated by all men, but look at it this way, it is basically one of the few days of the year where she will be horny enough (ideally by flowers and chocolate) to do whatever you want, just remember this is her day. They should call this two-night (hahaha terrible pun is terrible) or female climax afternoon or fuck her senseless in the god damned morning. Atleast the male equivalent next month is simple. Steak and Blow job day. That is all we demand, you make us an awesome steak and then suck our cock. Not this flowers, chocolate, date, bullshit. And for men in a proper, boring relationship. VALENTINES DAY IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO GIVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND CHOCOLATE, FLOWERS OR TAKE HER OUT ON A DATE. For fucks sakes, just do this shit when you want to, if its forced it will not feel as sincere. Back on track...kinkiness. I know of some girls who feel tonight is a special night, will wear lingerie (they will get matching sets. Girls go lingerie shopping together, kinda ruins it when say your girlfriends best friend and her boyfriend (a good friend of yours) are wearing the same lingerie. I feel so fucking special, now I can imagine falon in that lingerie. Fucks sakes. Now kinkiness in bed, why do you feel valentines day is the day, it is not fucking romantic, its an arbitrary day for some saint that was remotely related to reproduction. Girls (like men) just fucking do it when you feel like it, surprise us. Have you ever had a big breasted brunette show up at your door in a bath robe dressed like a slut underneath? As irritating as it may be because both parties perhaps had school work to do, it was surprising and fun. Okay that deals with one point of why does valentines day have to be special and why cant that shit happen any other day and be just as good. Womanising, well this is clearly not the time of year to do it, as mentioned above, my buddy is stringing along 2 girls. He was smart about it (learned from the best what can I say) they are both in different towns and are unlikely to meet each other. Both are also of different ages, so are even less likely to meet each other. They are both dumb as fucking post so they wont even get it, even better. The one thing he did not learn from me: THIS TIME OF YEAR IS NOT THE TIME TO DO THIS SHIT. Hell, this time of year isnt even the best time to have A GIRL WHO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU, SHE WILL FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING. There was a dance in highschool, I had given up my womanising ways for a blonde in a red dress (Blonds, I know I know. I have since learned my lesson) And there was another girl, who liked me, AND SHE WENT ON FACEBOOK CLAIMING TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. I didnt even try to explain or defend myself because I honestly didnt care. Girls are more likely to trust a complete stranger than their boyfriend. Another lesson when dealing with women folk. I think I may put up a post next about lessons I have learned about dealing with,dating and cheating on women. Women had the rules, men had the game. This is ultimately how you win, breaking both basically. After that event, HENCE WHY RESTRICTED IS THE BEST THING EVER. If that was a thing then...I would have had so much less drama in my life. If I wasnt a womaniser I probably would have gotten laid sooner If I wasnt a womaniser...god knows which one of the 9 I would be dating now. There was one other thing I wanted to mention...valentines day being 'special', restricted... I had absolutely awesome dreams of making out/fucking [unspecified female...but you know who you are] infront of my buddies at some hotel room while they werent getting any, because I am a dick and she is as fun as I am.... Fuck it, cant think of it thats all I got.