Thursday, June 17, 2010

Fucking women...

Now here is another wonderful reason why I have a hate on for women, well women around my town.
Yeah, its nice that they are all sluts. They will put out and they do know what they are doing, all you need to do is wait for the opportunity and BANG you have just got laid.

But, here is the other problem.
But first, a preramble
Pregnangy: Ruining attractive, easy, teenagers since 1989.
Because they then get all maternal and start hunting for men to become a father.
Fucking scary.

Anyways continuing on...
YOU DO NOT WANT A BABY BECAUSE ITS FUCKING CUTE, YOU DONT EVEN LIVE ON YOUR OWN FOR CHRIST SAKES YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS, SMARTEN THE FUCK UP, WEAR A CONDOM TAKE BIRTH CONTROL AND WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE MATURE, SETTLED AND READY FOR A CHILD WITH A FUCKING HUSBAND WHERE YOU CAN RAISE THE KID IN A HEALTHY, LOVING ENVIRONMENT.
There is nothing worst than whores who have kids, and continue to be whores.
Now, I know I have said that I love MILFs, and young moms are still moms.
But for me, its the cougar aspect of that. Older women, more mature, knowing what the fuck they are doing, and ultimately: not clingy
These young fucks, they are pure cling, once again its all that maternity crap.
I would also like to point out ITS ILLEGAL TO RAISE A CHILD IN AN UNHEALTHY, UNLOVING ENVIRONMENT. PROVIDING THE ESSENTIALS OF LIFE FOR A CHILD IS MORE THAN SHELTER AND FOOD. THEY NEED LOVE, CARE AND AFFECTION. AND BECAUSE YOU JUST WENT OUT ONE NIGHT FOR SOME FUN, AND COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO TAKE THE PROPER PRECAUTIONS YOU HAVE NOT ONLY FUCKED UP YOUR LIFE, BUT THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD.
I have no problem with people who wish to fuck up their lives, I wish that they wouldnt, but it isnt my call to make. I do however have a problem with people who fuck up the lives of others, intentionally. DONT SAY IT WAS A FUCKING MISTAKE, YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN THE 15 SECONDS TO PUT A GOD DAMNED CONDOM ON, AND DONT SAY YOU DIDNT THINK IT COULD HAPPEN BECAUSE SEX IS FOR THE REPRODUCTION OF CHILDREN, THE FACT THAT IT FEELS GOOD PROVES THAT THERE IS A GOD, WITH A SICK SENSE OF HUMOR. 15 minutes of pleasure (or for those comptient in bed 45, for those of us good in bed 1.5hours +) then you have a kid, that is 18 fucking years of hard work, raising, making sure they dont fuck up where you did and they dont fuck up their lives (like you did)
You get the picture
Maybe there should be a law, no premartial sex without birth control.
It wouldnt solve all problems, 50% of marriages are failing, so half the kids born into wedlock have a pretty good chance of being in a negative environment. But I would cut down on the kids born to teenage women, who cant raise them and both are in for a hell of a life trying to do it right.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

For here, because its too long for facebook...

...and I wish I had a nickel everytime I heard that

I am tired of the "It had good cinematragophy" defence for twilight.
You know what else has good cinematagraphy: Porn.
I cuts out or minimizes the shit the viewer wants least (usually plot, men ect)
Focuses on what the viewer wants the see the most (Vagina, Tits or Fucking ect)
It gives the viewer exactly what they want (attractive naked woman or man, fucking, oral ect)
Its not normally longer than the viewer can tolerate (not longer than 'endurance')
It has music that fits the mood/whats going on in the film
BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN A PORN IS GOOD!

Yes, I have just compared Twilight to porn, you will never masterbate again.
Actually, I may have suggested that porn is better than twilight.

Ménage à trois, Moncton Adventures, Magic Cards and virgins

Hell of a day yesterday. I suppose you want the title explained, so it is best to start from the begenning.

Two days ago I rescued my friend from Moncton, well yesterday was his girlfriends birthday so he asked me if I could drive him up to see her. I dropped him off at her res and I suggested that he ask her if she wanted to go to gamezilla with us. He either had a quicke with her, finger banged her or made out with her because it does not take 20 minutes to give her a gift. She came down, so I guess she was interested in gamezilla so off we went. Into game zilla where I encountered 2 lost amherstians looking for the main EB Games. After trying on some silly hats and admiring the comic books and other geeky things in the store we left and venture to EB games ourself. The girl of course went into the nearby beauty store with little success, they were closing. So after looking at some games (pokemon in particular) we left and started speaking of sex shops. This eventually lead to them saying "fuck it, generic asshole, lets go to sister sarahs, we have never been there before" so we went, and the set up was quite questionable and sketchy. Unfortunely it was closed, so we went to X-citement instead. Now this is where the Ménage à trois comes in. You see three of us, 2 guys and 1 girl entering a sex shop, checking out dicks, dildoes and various lubricants and play things.
The games they had are what intrigued me the most, but I digress
After this, the only logical thing to do was get some McDicks then head home.
Well after the lady was dropped off my friend and I were rather bored (I think they wanted me to go to Angies with them, but we will save that for another time) so we called up our friend in sackville and played, possibly the most dramatic, game of magic that I had ever seen or been a part of (Ok, so it was my 3rd game)
Well so far with a deck randomly put together of black and reds I have 2 wins and 1 loss. So time to cut the fat and make the deck a bit more useable (over 120 cards, its difficult to get the ones you want, but I never lack mana).

Now about the Virgins, this came from a discussion that I had with my friend, the guy I went to moncton with I do believe. Maybe it was someone else, no matter. But let me make this clear

TAKING SOMEONE'S V CARD IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME
First of all, they dont know how to fuck, and they dont know how to play
As you know, I love foreplay, fucking around, sex, well I guess its that manditory shit that you have to do when the bitch says fuck me. (Or in the case of year one, shut up and fuck me. Sorry Georgia and Martin)
Again, that story is something you are better off knowing, it seemed like a good idea at the time...
Anyways, next point, Virigns USUALLY BECOME QUITE CLINGY
Which is weird, that means most virgins end up marrying the person they first had sex with, or had a messy break up leading them to be whores and just using men (or women) as sex objects.
I admire those people
Speaking of sex objects, thats how I feel right about now.
Yeah, I am a womanizing bastard, but now I think all women really want me for is my dick. Its less effort on their part because unlike a dildoe, I move myself and capeable of changing posistions and surprises, using other tools, toys or parts of my body ect ect ect.
Virgins == Tight Vaginas
True most of the time, but you know what? women can do exercies to maintain the virginal tightness that they had, and they have more mileage on their vagina then I have on my honda civic.
So, heres what you do, you get yourself a mature woman, with tits because tits are always relevant, and ass (balance men, you need both), who has some experience with sex. There is nothing better than couples suprising one another and actually ENJOYING sex, not getting pleasure out of it, but actually like having sex with each other beyond a this physically feels good thing. A woman you like hanging out with, where sex is not the reason you go see her. Keep the balance of cling (ie you fucking miss the bitch but you dont latch on like a parasite).
Christ, I have described my perfect woman here, if you fit this description you can e-mail me at:
thegenericasshole@fuckoff.ca
So Virgins, not that great (unless you legitimately like them and are not going after them because you want their V card. So if you like them, giver tits)
Oh, to Audry and Ryan what you have is good and I admire that.

Monday, June 7, 2010

I have come to a shocking realization

Well, maybe not too shocking for those who know me.
I think I only go after (or only attracted to) women who are either clingy or fucking psychotic, and not the cool psychotic that I am, like fucked up, seriously fucked up. Or women that are clingy or fucked up are attracted to me...
Judging by previous girlfriends, that would seem to be the case. Or in some cases, both.
Fuck sakes, I suppose there should be a point to this.
Half Life 2: I fucking HATE barnicles
Team fortress 2: I fucking HATE spies and snipers
Doom 3: ...I dont really hate anything in that game

Well now to go on track, I rescued my friend last night from the horrors of the bus terminal in Moncton (to his girlfriend, my birthday gift to you is getting him out of there safely so he can see you today on your birthday. Enjoy)

I still would enjoy running about sackville with lightsabres in a duel that spans the entire town, until the rcmp instruct us to stop atleast.

And as soon as the weather gets better, hopefully megaprank (read earlier posts) will happen

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Muderous Rage

Fuck spelling, I am very disappointed.
You know I am sure that she had a very good-
Fuck that, the cunt was most likely out drinking and doesnt want to fly. Well heres the scoop. I show up, hour and a half before my flight, I check the weather, I have a window of opportunity just long enough to get it in, I go to dispatch and I am instructed to call my instructor.
Allright, she tells me to delay the flight until 4:40, I could use the practice in bad weather. I tell her the ceiling at that time is 2500 and will be dropping to 600 by 5. She says go for it anyways. I tell her we will not be going, I like pushing it, hell I even like doing things that will decrease the longevity of my life but not things that will end it all together. She suggests a briefing...at the same time.
Apparantly she had no cellphone to call/text me and no computer to send me an e-mail.
Bull fucking shit, I figure she was drunk fucking the asian students again. And was in no condition (or desire) to fly until 4:40. You know what? I waited for 2 or 3 hours. Grabbed some breakfast with my friend, watched some stupid shit online, shot the shit then we got bored. I determined that I was not going to wait for my instructor, I have better things, anything, that i could be doing other than sitting on my ass in uniform reading the FTGU for the one hundredth million fucking time.
Too long, didnt read?
Instructor a cunt and didnt show up and wants me to wait for 6 hours for her.
I dont, I am now writing this.

Friday, June 4, 2010

PATRICK I WANT MY FLY BITCHES
Make em' 18, because I am not a god damed ped like the remainder of my crew.
Actually I shouldnt say that, my good friend, we shall call him Viper for his speed and anger, has finally dated a girl near the age of adulthood. Thats right, shes 17! (A huge improvement from that 15 yo shit he was doing before, I hope you learned your lesson)
Now, let me tell you about something funny, a joke, a prank if you will.
It will require the best crew I can have.
Captain Asshole (me) and the best driving ability I can muster
Commander Viper his speed and rage will be greatly useful
Commander fuck I dont have a name for this guy yet. He will be useful in organisation and his perception for law enforcement vehicles is the best in the land. Finally we have our bait, Ensign something, (again no name yet) he is relatively new to our ranks, but is moving up quickly. He has great strength and passion. all we have to do is make him faster and wittier and he will be a force to be reconed with. The plan involves him fucking a bitch. Well, sort of.
What will happen is he will go over, foreplay, oral then sex.
Now halfway through the sex (ideally just before he gets the bitch off) we will be howling like wolves outside her window. He will howl in response grab his shit and jump out the window and run to the car. He will be running at my car, naked with a condom half hanging off his dick and we will tear off, leaving the bitch sexually fustrated. serves you fucking right for not being in the kitchen.
Pics and videos will be uploaded as soon as we do this shit.